Its was summer when i met him !
I have memories like he was tall , he was coming near me , i was child !9 years old ! I was happy this is what i remember the most !
After the day 4 ! i felt my heart is pounding hard , at that time i loved to watch romantic films . I told to my self that i can't his from family , but my heart was so happy . I decide to love him secretly ...
It was enough for to just watch him ! i don't want him to look at me ! or to say YES I LOVE YOU TOO ! acctualy at that time i was fat , no one will see me as i beautifull girl , i know , i know ! I just want him , only him ...
I remember , that one day i set waching him from far , I remember my words very well "why i don't have the right to love him ? is it necessery for me to only fall for someone like me ! but its him who i wan't "
I'm a women know , and yes it's hard for meto remember all that pain i was going truth ...
He have to go ! i can't let him go ! i will die ! pliiz save me ... save me ! somoene do samething pliz ! i'm daying ! i need break ! his my only hope ; his the one who show me how to live ! my life is him ! me is you ! don't leave me , i was screaming like crazy but know one hear me , i was setting in my place , hoping that this is all a bad dream , but he left me ...He left me , and all i remenber is that he leave an ice creem in the fregider for me , i ate it like i was eaten my heart ...tHIS all what i remember in that summer .
Every time i remember his nam my heart star to heart me i could'nt deal with that pain , i was conting the days to see him , that was the hardest thing i never in my life did .
It's summer now , still waiting , my mom said that we will travel to see my grandmother , i have to say yes , i'm kid i can't say no . I give up , he will never came again , but here is my unt she said that they are coming ; OMG that was the happy thing i ever heard , i will do anything to feel this way .
I remember that i was organising my clothes to go at my house , and all i was thinking is i wan't to see him ! i waited one week , and another week ...
i was walking with my unt that day , she said that they live ... i don't even have the power to describe my pain ! why !Did i do something wrong ! i just wan't to see him ! i don't even wan't his love ..i come back to home but very very late ...
I remember that toy i hold it to smell his perfume , i cried a lot , a lot... that was the only moment in my life that i cried that much !
I waited another years , and another one ...and still writting his name in my body secretly , in the glace of the shower , in my books ... It was my big problem ! it was a hard secret to keep ! I was always feeling that i I'm not like others , i collect a very psyco problems , but no one knows ...no one !
It's the 6 ! 6 years of waiting nothing , i"m big know , i'm not fat , it was a dream this is what i tought for the last few years , i was beautifull , there is acctually guys who wan"t a relationships with me , i was happy , i was sure i forgot that dream , but i still writting his name in any chance , i still think of what he is doing , still my begist dream is to go see him !
He was a dream , i beleived that this is just story that i made ! I met a lot of pepeole !I was thinking that i'm a special girl ! because i never felt in love with somoene ! i was happy ! i was deffrent from that little fat kid ! i'm a women know.
It's summer again , i heard the shock of my life , his coming ...
At that time i was thinking that i forgot all that story , i was sure that when i meet him i will fell nothing , because it's me , i'm the best !
I took that longue walk , my heart is ponping from fear , a lot of motion , butter flys in my stomache ! ...I met him , finally .. finally his here in front of me , my face is all red ! o could'nt see him enough ..He smile for me ! OMG his in love with me !! this all i was thinking , I'm happy , really happy , my definition of happiness is THe summer and him !
Like all those years are nothing ! i did all my best to forgot him ! but no i can't ! a can't ! what should i do !? his in the deepest place in my heart .
It's been a long time since i said his name ! that name ..We laughed a lot , i was thinking that he love me , he play with my hair , i love him more , he touch my hand , i love him even more , i can watch him sleep all my life , this guy is all i wan't , just him . I was waiting ! why he don't say anything why ! Maybe his shame :/
I wan't to tell him ! but i feel shame of my story ; come on i loved him for over 6 years without seeing him ; he don't even know that i'm a live , dosen't sond like I'm creepy girl !
He have to go , it was a lot for me to handle ; know i know that it's only him only him who i can love , the first and the last !
I hug him ! Omg know i don't have to be sad ! i have memories ,a lot to remember ; i don't have to be sad , or to keep my secret, it's not a dream he was real , my love is real ...he's gone know , he will come next summer i have to handle that pain , but i'm happy , he have some feelings for me , i'm sure he will contact me , he will say somthing , i'm sure !!
This is summer , finally ! i need to see him ! he is coming , i wan't to be normal but i can't , it's the only thing i enjoy of it , to see him after long time !
My happy summer is only with u , and i'm just waiting , maybe he will kiss me this time , maybe he will tell me somthing , Maybe he don't like me ! no way , if it's right why he look at me secretly ! why he smile to me , why he hug me !
the idea that he don't love is not availible ...
He have to go one more time ! and he never tell me that word ! that word !
I imagine it in this whole 10 years how he will tel me ! what i will do !
But know his not here , his gone ! i waited him this summer but he didn't came ! i was in shosked , but this dosen't matter i will wait !
But i'm tired !
wait! he love another women ! this is what his brother tell me ! he wan't to marry her ! Hehe he is with another ! and i'm here imagining things that didn't happend !I was dreaming ! he was just playing with my heart ! but why , why the hell he was giving me hope ! i'm daying ! this is really killing me ! i just want him ! this is my only dream ! i don't wan't anything ! i don't need anything ! just him ! pliz god tell me that i'm just dreaming ! this cannot be my life ; why what did i do wrong !
Know my life is just a big joke ! LOVE!! i don't think that i'm human , i just wan't a normal life ! but i don't have time know ! he took all of it ! i waited him a lot, a lot!!
And i will ! i'm sure that he can never fell in love with me cause he can't ! because it's me ! he will never ever fall in love with me ! But i'm his know .
If i have another more chance i will choose my decision ! i will die alone i know !
You should all of u know ! that i loved him that much ! that much ! maybe my fault is that i was espacting something ! but know i don't !
OK i know that was a joke ! but i love him ! i just can't forgott him !
This is my real story ! I don't want to put names or any details ! just i need somoene to enjoy my story !
It's sound creepy ! but yes i still love him !
Sorry about faults ! just enjoy reading my desaster life .