There are kids who excel at sports,while some who excel at studies and others who excel at being who they are.I wish I could proudly still say that i belong to 2nd category.
Yes,there was a time when being a topper meant something to me.I can still recollect the moments that I strived to become what i always thought I wanted . Proving myself meant a lot to me. But,going got tougher leaving me behind as a mess. At first guilt struck me ,crushing my heart into tiny little pieces everytime the thought that I let people who believed me down. That wasn't the hardest part.
It was the next phase that tore me apart completely.The phase that made me realise that I changed, I am still trying to figure out into what. It is this phase that made me abandon reality.Well,people are addicted to alcohol or drugs. My addiction was quite unique.
I was addicted to fantasy. I started drowing into books . When reality becomes too much to face, I ran into the open arms of romance,fiction anything that promised me a happy ending. Reality became too much to handle, social interactions became a nightmare, deadlines gave me chills and a ring on my mobile phone gave me heart attacks.
I at first enjoyed every moment i spent reading a book, be it however silly it may be and eventually , I then I further regretted the very moment i spent reading it.I still try to excel at studies because that's the only thing am good at. It's the only thread i hold of my past.But i know I lost the thrill to do so.
Rereading the above lines makes me feel like a silly teenager who feels she is the only loser on the face of earth. I know I need to grab a hold on reality,but it seems too far away to reach.I feel to be lost in the need to merely survive. I wanna live .i am lost unable to find my way back home.I tried to choose shortcuts in life and right now am lost in one.
Hell , I feel I am dragged further into the mess as the time travels by. I just wanna make it through the day. I started skipping chunks of reality and started staying as much alone as possible in my fantasies. I am not a loser but merely lost.
This is my story , or rather a part of it.