-Avinash(Avi)
MY FIRST DAY AT COLLEGE
My first day at college was almost similar to my first day at school. The only difference was that I was not in a situation to cry aloud. My heart was beating fast. I was really tensed to meet my new classmates with whom I was going to spend the next five years of my life. I was not a bright student at school, but was among the averages. I had somehow managed to get into this college. I got accommodated in a private hostel in Coimbatore as my hometown was Madurai. I didn’t have any friends or relatives in Coimbatore so it was the first time I was visiting Coimbatore. All these were the reasons for my tension. The final outcome of my tension was that I was late to college on the very first day.
The class had almost started. The tutor had asked everyone to introduce themselves. The only good thing that happened being late was, I did not have to introduce myself standing on the dais. I went and had my seat in third row of my class. It was a class of 60 students. I felt as if I was the odd one among the 60. I was not so good in making friends. But once I got close to someone they would know how freaky I was. I managed to get a few friends on the first day itself.
Those few friends were so good that they tried hard to get me out of my tension sitting beside me. By noon I was perfectly alright. I started to enjoy my college life. It took almost four hours to register all my classmates’ face in my mind. There were more girls than boys. But only few were good looking. Though I was not so good in speaking with girls, I never missed to notice any girl who came in front of me. As all boys do we began to comment on every girl in the class. One among them was Keerthi. She was not fair or beautiful. But I felt as if we had been friends for more than ten years. I wished to become her friend. I very well know about love at first sight. But I seriously didn’t know that one would get such a feeling to have a friend on the very first time on seeing a girl. It was not love not attraction. But I needed her as my friend to share everything and to be with me whenever I needed someone beside me. I needed her as my mom at college.
PROPOSAL FOR A FRIENDSHIP
I didn’t have the courage to speak with her in college. At the same time I didn’t want to lose her friendship. I didn’t even know whether she would speak with the boys. But I longed to speak with her very badly. It was not love or crush or attraction but just a boy’s need for a girl. I gathered all my courage and gave her a friend request in Facebook that evening. Facebook helps many guys to share their feeling which they couldn’t speak face to face or through phone calls. I didn’t need her phone number or her personal details, but only her ears to hear what I say and her lips to say what she wishes to say me. I wished nothing more than that.
After almost five minutes, she accepted my friend request. It gave me happiness that half of my work has been finished successfully. Now I wanted to say hi to her. There were millions of questions in my mind. ‘How will I say hi? Will she reply for my message? Even if she replies, will she accept to be my friend?’ My mind finally said, ‘You are not going to ask her to marry you!! You are her classmate and there is nothing wrong in two of the classmates speaking. No one is going to speak ill of it.’
We started speaking, continued to speak for four hours. I got to know more about her. She was sweeter than I expected. She was the one who spoke more than me. We exchanged phone numbers. We spoke about our family, about our school life, about our old friends. She teased me for my tension. She wanted me to promise her that I will reduce my tension. My reply was, “If I have a friend like you beside me there will never be any reason for me to get tensed.” I cursed myself for sending so. I was afraid that she would think me as a flirt. But I was shocked to see her reply. “I will always be there for you Avi. Whatever happens I will not leave you alone.” What a girl she was!!!
I felt really bad that I had missed her for the past eighteen years. I don’t know whether all the girls are like her. But for me she was the only girl like her. I loved her company. We spent our time together whenever time permitted, having nothing bad in mind. Even the hug which she gave me had nothing dirty in it. I was happy that God gifted me with two mothers. She was there with me in college and through phone or Facebook while at home. The only time which separated both of us was the night sleep. Many would ask, can a boy and a girl be very close as friends? We would proudly say, “Come and see us!”
KEERTHI AND ME
Because of Keerthi I didn’t have any need to speak with any other girls in the class. Even if I had any conversation with any other girl in the class it would just be anything regarding Keerthi. Keerthi had become a reason for me to live. She did everything for me. At the same time, she didn’t ask anything from me. She accepted me as I was. She cared for me so much that, each and every word she spoke was in a way that it would not hurt me in anyway. She never wanted to see me sad. She would do anything, even if it was beyond her ability, to see me happy. I wished to spend my five years in college happily with my Keerthi. I could not imagine the rest of my life without her.
She was there in everything I did. I came to such a situation that I cannot do anything without her. I needed her even to wake me up in the morning. The friendship we had was just magical. She was changing me, without my knowledge. It would be true to say that I became a real boy only after Keerthi came into my life. I never wanted to lose her for any reason. I gave up my entire ego for her. Being a boy, it would be very difficult. But Keerthi, she meant very much more than that.
Our relationship was beyond everyone’s imagination. We spoke about everything we came across in our own lives. No one could take care of me like her, even my soul mate. Everyone says friendship would lead to love. But I didn’t imagine her as my love. Not even in my dreams. There wasn’t a necessity for that. She was doing much more for me which she can give me as a lover.
Many of our classmates envied us. She used to say, “Avi, there will be no friends in this universe as close as we are. There is no such a thing that could separate us. We were born to be friends.” I felt that she was happy to have me. I was happy to become the reason for her smile. She understood even my silence. She read my eyes each and every time and made me calm.
I had said many things for her to do as well as not to do, like not to wear modern wears, to wake up early in the morning, not to eat ice-cream too often etc. Even she had many to do and not to do list, like not to eat junk foods, to have food on time, to concentrate more in studies, not to fight with my sister etc. I tried my level best to follow them.
MY FIRST LOVE
Saadhya was one of my classmates in school. We used to chat casually once in a while. I didn’t know anything about her. Usually a boy never rejects the first proposal he gets. I am not an exception in this case. Saadhya asked me if she can marry me. I felt as if I was in heaven. Such a beautiful smart girl proposes me and how could I say no to her? In fact, I didn’t have any reason for not loving her. But I wanted to ask my Keerthi. I would say yes to Saadhya only if Keerthi likes her. Only she knows me more than myself. She knows whether Saadhya would be good for me for the entire life. I wanted to say Saadhya about Keerthi.
I thought speaking about another girl to a girl who loves me was not right. But I can’t escape from this situation. I wished both Saadhya and Keerthi to be together. I needed Saadhya, for my life, and Keerthi, because of whom I started my life. I managed to say Saadhya about Keerthi. Saadhya had loved me so much that our friendship didn’t mean anything bad to her. She asked me about Keerthi. I said everything between me and Keerthi. Saadhya was very curious to see Keerthi. She was so happy to see such a girl who valued her friend so much. Saadhya admitted that she could not take care of me like Keerthi. She was absolutely right. No one can replace my Keerthi. But Saadhya was something different and I was happy to have her as my love. I knew Keerthi would also like Saadhya.
Saadhya wanted to meet Keerthi before saying her about our love and I agreed to that. We three met in a coffee shop near our college, two weeks after Saadhya was into my life. Keerthi was so happy to see Saadhya. She just asked her how I behaved in school. Keerthi spoke much about me to Saadhya, which even I didn’t remember. Any girl will not like to her about her lover from any other girl. But Saadhya was eager to know more about me. Soon, they became close. It brought me back to my comfort zone. I was very confident that Keerthi will like Saadhya.
THE SUDDEN CHANGE
Though I loved Saadhya so much, I didn’t accept her proposal then. I wanted to say Keerthi about my love, in first love. I went to Keerthi’s home to speak about my love. I didn’t have any hesitation or tension in speaking to her. I didn’t give any introduction about Saadhya as they knew each other. I said her that Saadhya did propose me a month ago. And I wanted her in rest of my life. I also said that I didn’t say anything to Saadhya as I wanted to say about my love first to Keerthi.
Before Keerthi could say anything she got a phone call from her mother. I waited till she came back. But even after coming she said me that she had to go somewhere very urgently. I didn’t want to disturb her because the matter would be so important. I thought to speak to her again about my love to her that night in call. Keerthi was happy to hear that I was in love. She teased me that I would forget her hereafter becoming busy with Saadhya. I didn’t want that to happen. I always wanted to give them both, the love I should give.
As days passed Keerthi made her herself very busy. She did not have time to spend with me. Even if I wanted to say her something, she would ask me to speak with Saadhya about it. I thought Keerthi had some problem with her friends. But I couldn’t get what that problem was. I really missed Keerthi. Though I had Saadhya, she can’t give me the friendship which I could get only from my Keerthi.
I didn’t stop speaking with Keerthi. She tried to avoid me each time when I spoke with her. I wanted to know the reason behind her change. But she was not ready to answer me. Keerthi stopped speaking with everyone in class. No one knew what was wrong with her. Keerthi stopped speaking with me. More than that pain I was afraid of her current situation. She was getting more and more depressed day by day. I wanted to take her to a doctor. She didn’t agree to come with me. So I asked Saadhya to take Keerthi to a psychiatrist. We all wanted her back.
Keerthi didn’t respond properly even to doctor. Doctor said “Keerthi is in an extreme stress. She had lost someone so close and this had brought her to such a situation. Only that particular person can bring her back.” This made everyone sad. No one knew about that special person for her, even me. I wanted to know who had brought my Keerthi to such a bad state. I wished to bring that person in front of her and ask her to be normal. More than everyone it was my necessity to get Keerthi back.
But no one was able to do anything about this. I spoke with Keerthi as much as possible. Saadhya understood my situation and she too agreed to help me.
THE DISTURBANCE
Though Saadhya wanted to help me, something disturbed her. It might be my care for Keerthi. I thought Saadhya would understand my situation. As every girl does, Saadhya too wanted me to have only for her. She didn’t want to share me with Keerthi. I cannot complain Saadhya for this. As all humans do, she also wanted what she deserved. I was helpless. I didn’t have much love, care and affection to share for two girls. I wanted both of them, my friend and my lover. Saadhya was more than a lover for me. The reason for my guilt was that both of them didn’t complain about their inconvenience.
Finally I was able to hear the speech of my love’s heart. Saadhya began to convey her worry. She wanted me to spend much time with me. I tried hard to make Saadhya understand. Saadhya asked me, “You hug her, kiss her, make her sleep in your lap, and rush for her when she calls you. I don’t say that you are not doing those things for me, but I want to know what you do more for me.” Her words struck me hard. I didn’t know how to convince her.
“It is you with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life, Saadhya. But how can I sacrifice Keerthi. And I can’t even imagine my life without you. I wish you would be with me always and through whatever misery I face. You are my better half and you should help me to make everyone around us happy. I should not let go of a girl who was there for me and only me as soon as I get someone else in my life. Keerthi and I are just friends. And you are something special for me. You are someone whom I cannot lose.” These words didn’t heal my Saadhya’s pain.
I asked her to decide what should happen, as I didn’t have words to explain my pain. Every man’s life is decided by a girl. I was happy to live according to Saadhya’s wish. She wanted both of us to get apart. Her SMS said, “I can’t be with such a feeling anymore, Avi. I know you love me. I love you more than that dear. But I don’t find any decision better than this. I hope you will be with Keerthi spending more time with her. I don’t have anything to complain about you. You are such a boy. I must be really lucky to have you for me. But along with my luck god has given me the unluckiness to lose you before I start my life with you. Let us end this up here. I will be alright soon. You start concentrating on other things. Get back Keerthi soon. Please don’t be alone. I know Keerthi will take care of you. I will miss you. Bye…”
My heart was filled with her tears which I felt while reading it. I read the message more than ten times. I didn’t believe that it was my Saadhya who left me for such a reason. But I was not in such a situation to accept the reality. I wanted to get her in my arms, kiss her without leaving her to speak a word and say, “Nothing is over dear. Everything will be like before, soon. Don’t think of leaving me. I will not let you to.” But I was not able to.
LIFE WITHOUT HEART
Life was not easy without Saadhya. I was always sitting with mobile waiting for her call or message. I didn’t call her. That was my mistake I guess. But I didn’t want to interfere in her personal feelings. Though I am her lover, I thought I should respect her feelings and allow her to do what she wishes. I thought I shouldn’t force her to love me or to be with me when didn’t want to.
For every five minutes, I typed a message to her and saved it in drafts. I read our old conversations each and every day. I felt my life very filmy. I felt as if I would die thinking of her. I wanted to be normal for the sake of my parents and friends. But my fingers needed her fingers, my heart needed her love, my lips needed her kiss, my eyes needed her face, and my life needed her. With all these, how can I be normal?
Everyone around me was afraid of my condition. They wanted to speak about me to Saadhya. But on my plead they agreed to leave her alone. Though she was not with me now, I was continuing to live with her, with her memories. The wet of first kiss was not gone yet, but the lips were lost. Even if I succeed in finding the lost lips, will I be successful in getting the same kiss again. That was not possible. I was getting used up to the loneliness.
I bought her thoughts at the cost of my sleep, my food, my friends, and my family. My mom was much worried about me. She spoke about me to Keerthi. I didn’t want this to happen. I was afraid that Keerthi would try to disturb Saadhya for me. I wanted to go back to normal, so that Keerthi will believe that I am happy without Saadhya.
I decided to spend time with Keerthi as before. I tried to create such an environment in which I was before Saadhya. But I was not successful in fooling Keerthi. Just as always, she read my mind. She didn’t want me to struggle trying to act for her. She wanted me back, but whenever I wanted to. She promised me that she will help me in getting back to normal. She knew that she cannot replace Saadhya. Not to mention, she didn’t want to.
I was slowly recovering. Keerthi sensed the change and she did whatever she could do to make me feel comfortable. She didn’t want to have anything in my life that could get Saadhya’s remembrance.
As days passed, Keerthi and I became as close as before. We started to live our life. Though the Saadhya’s thoughts filled my head, I started to engage in other works as per Keerthi’s wish.
MY UNLUCKINESS
Once, all our friends were chatting in class. Everything was going fine. One of my friends accidentally spoke about the reason of my break up with Saadhya. Everyone noticed the presence of Keerthi and tried to change the topic. But Keerthi, obviously, guessed everything. She was not able to digest the guilt that she was the reason for my heart break.
I tried to convince Keerthi, but she was not convinced. I understood that I was losing Keerthi too. She cried hard which broke my heart even more. Keerthi spoke to Saadhya about the things that happened in the past. Saadhya’s reply made Keerthi more upset. Keerthi requested Saadhya to get back to me and not to leave me forever. But Saadhya’s reply was, “Even if I get back to him. I would always have the guilt of separating you both. You will not have such a feeling because you were with him before me. And I would be the one who will have to live with it till the end of my life.”
Keerthi didn’t have any words to make Saadhya understand. I pleaded Keerthi to stop such conversations with Saadhya. Keerthi didn’t listen at the beginning, but was convinced by my words. But she was not able to be normal with me. Again, I was left alone.
Whenever I tried to speak, Keerthi’s reply would be, “It was me Avi, who took away happiness from you. It was my mistake. Only I should solve this. I should have given some privacy for you both. We shouldn’t have left Saadhya feel so. It had happened and we should not repeat the mistake by leaving Saadhya by her wish. We should do something to make her known of her importance in your life.”
I tried to convince her, “It was not only her decision Keerthi. I can’t lose you for her. You may ask me to leave you for her. But you didn’t ask me to leave her for you. I can understand her situation but what if she asks me to leave my mom for her?”
I slightly succeeded in convincing Keerthi, but she was not completely convinced. She still wanted to stay away from me so that Saadhya can come back. I tried to make her understand that she was foolish about this thought. But my Keerthi would act always as a fool when it comes to me.
IT HAPPENDED
I tried hard to bring Keerthi back. I noticed some difference in Keerthi. I was really happy when I heard from doctor that Keerthi was recovering. I pleaded Keerthi to be with me just like as she was before. She also agreed that she would. We became close again. I started to share everything with her as before. Being her best friend I could realize something was missing between us. I thought it would be because of my love affair. It was natural and so I didn’t complain anything about it to Keerthi. I was happy for getting her back. I didn’t need anything more than that.
Though she didn’t share much with me, I continued to be normal with her. I was hoping that at any point of time she would realize my need for her. I didn’t want to miss any chance that would make her to know her importance in my life. I loved this one sided friendship too.
I met Keerthi that evening and had a one sided conversation which had become a casual thing in our lives. Something made her to stay away from me. She was not able to face my eyes. I could feel the chillness in her body when I got her in my arms. She was not able to give me the warmth as before. The warmth which I wanted from her was not because of the closeness in our hug but the care and love which she showered on me when she was with me.
I got a notification by 11 in the night that I had received a mail from Keerthi. It had almost been a year since I received a call or message from Keerthi. I was really happy to get her message in my inbox; at the same time I was curious to know what she had to say me. I jumped out of my bed and rushed to my computer. I opened my Gmail account. I was not able to wait for the server to load my mail. It was a word document attachment which she sent for me. The name of the document was JUST FOR U. The name made me so curious. The document was finally downloaded and I started to read it. I guessed it right. Yes, it was a letter from my sweet friend.
My Avi,
You know something??? I thought almost half an hour to think whether it is to right to say u as mine… But without thinking even a fraction of second I would say that I am yours... Avi… I value our friendship so much, may be not more than you… I have so much care on you that I am not able to see u with anyone… I can’t even tolerate seeing you thinking about someone else except me… I don’t want this feeling to be stated as love… And also I am not able to name this feeling… So I say it just a step ahead of friendship… It’s you who has brought me to this situation… You give me more love and affection than I deserved... You care about me so much that I forget this world… I don’t know how to live in this world without you being there by my side… I don’t have courage to end up my life… What am I supposed to do Avi?? I need your care throughout my life which I won’t get from anyone even if I wait for my whole life… My feeling may be selfish but it is true Avi… I don’t know if I had done anything for you… But you have given me everything I wished… I don’t have much to say because I can say my need in single word… YOU… I don’t want to spoil your life also for me… I don’t know what to do Avi… There is a battle going on between my heart and brain… The battle will end only either on your decision or on my decision… I am not able to think anything that is beyond you… Hey Avi!! You are driving me crazy idiot… I was not able to face you with such a feeling… It makes me think that it’s something that is against our relationship… It’s you who can bring some difference in me…”
My tears disturbed me from reading the letter. The thought that I’ve brought her to such a situation made me get mad on myself. I cried hard thinking of my fate, which had taken my best friend away from me because of myself. I was not able to decide what I should do. How could I? The life has chosen both of them, Saadhya and Keerthi, for me. It had brought both of them in front of me. But, now both of them have been taken away from me, just because of me.
I have never thought Keerthi as anything more than a friend. How could I suddenly choose her as my lover, life partner etc? Even if I am given time, I will not be able to. I was not ready for another love. Is there anything called second love? I didn’t know. I thought Keerthi, Saadhya both acted because of immaturity. But I was wrong. Keerthi had such deep thoughts in her.
I didn’t reply anything Keerthi for that mail. I logged off and went to bed. I decided to make Keerthi understand about my wish to be as friends. I hoped she would consider my wish.
END OF FRIENDSHIP
I decided to speak about this in chat to Keerthi. I thought it will help her to share more, rather than speaking face to face. I started the conversation. I explained her that it would be much good for us to be as friends. “Everyone says that friendship will end up in love. Why can’t we be something different? Why can’t be as close as we are now continuing being friends. Friendship can never replace love Keerthi. Aren’t we happy with this friendship? No hidings. No secrets. What is the necessity of love? Unlike love, being friends we don’t have any commitments. We can enjoy the life to the extreme. Moreover I am not ready for another love Keerthi. Love is not something as you imagine. I don’t want you to feel the pain of love Keerthi. Trust me!! I will always think of your good. You are such a good girl; I don’t want you to spend your life with this boy who can’t even understand the feelings of her friend.”
Keerthi didn’t reply me for almost an hour. After my long wait, I got a long message from her.
“I don’t want you to reply for this message Avi. I can’t even imagine a life without you. I know I’ve said these things before. But my heart says the same thing after so many battles. Why are you being so caring Avi? I don’t want you to sacrifice your life for me. Do what you wish to do. But I want you to move on in your life. I feel as if my life would end now right at this moment. I want to go back Avi to the time when we had no confessions no hidings. But I am not able to. I don’t want to say you are mine. But I wish to hear from you that I am yours. I know you still love Saadhya. I can’t replace her and I don’t want too. I just want the same care which you show now till my last breath. I don’t find any solution for this desire Avi. I also know that all the desires are not fulfilled. But my only desire is you. Even if a single wish is not fulfilled what is the use of living. Please don’t be afraid that I will end my life. I don’t have that much courage. I just want you to feel what I feel. Please don’t think badly about me. I know I had disappointed you by speaking so. But just as always, excess of love and care leads everyone to such a situation Avi. I am helpless.”
I didn’t know how to make my best friend understand. I thought this is the worst situation that should happen for a boy. I really felt guilty for making my friend cry hard just because of me and for me. I was not in a situation to accept her proposal. I thought if I accept Keerthi, then that would be the betrayal for the love I have for Saadhya and the friendship I have for Keerthi. I should not leave Keerthi just like this, because her entire life would get spoilt if she is in such a situation for a long time. I wanted to bring some changes in Keerthi but I didn’t know how. Amidst all these thoughts I didn’t realize that my Keerthi had waited half an hour for my reply. She again sent me a message.
“I know Avi… You won’t have words to say. I can understand your situation. I don’t want to get your love forcefully. So I will stop speaking about that. I can’t continue our relationship as friends. I am sorry Avi. Please forgive me for leaving you. I don’t have any other solution. I know I am very selfish Avi; I had always wanted you to do what I like. I have forced you to do many compromises for me. But this time I leave you to do as per your wish Avi.”
She deactivated her Facebook account, switched her phone off. She closed all the doors of my room and left me alone in darkness. The girl who showed me the life made me live it alone.
I had lost the most precious person of my life. I cursed myself for my fate. I hated myself for not stopping Keerthi. She had gone so far away from me that even my thoughts could not reach her.
LIFE IN SOLITUDE
I was not able to tolerate the losses I have met with. I began to hate the life which was once the most beautiful with a rose and a jasmine, my Saadhya who gave the beauty to my life and Keerthi who added the fragrance to it. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Was I asked to move on? The two relationships which make up a man are love and friendship. How could he lose in both of them?
I began to realize the reality of life. I understood that no one can help you to live your life. I decided to engage myself in other works. I heard that Keerthi discontinued from the course and joined in some arts group.
I began to spend my life in solitude. My heart always wished to be alone. I knew that it is not possible to live alone always. But my mind and heart both was not ready for another hurt. I loved that loneliness too. I cherished the memories that were a reality a few months ago. I felt as if I was thrown into a deep sea of sorrow. I began to live a life which had only me and my memories. The memories are the only reality in a relationship.
My lips refused to open up to anyone, my legs refused to walk away with someone and my mind refused to think about something else. I didn’t live a life actually. It was just that I had a body with bones and muscles with blood running within. Heart ache which I had was much more painful than the heart attack which would kill a person when it comes more than twice or thrice.
YEARS PASSED
I spent the life in same way for almost five or six years. With my dad’s recommendation, I got a job in a well reputed company as a System Analyst. I had got used to this life. I started to mingle with others in the company. I wanted to keep up my dad’s name and didn’t want to let him down by me. Though I didn’t gain back my past happiness I became matured enough to lead my life satisfying my friends and family.
This change in me made my parents to be happy and reduced their worry about my life. I started to put all my efforts and sadness in my job. I started to concentrate on improving myself in all the ways which I was able to. I was rewarded for my hard work too. I was sent to do a project in San Francisco. I was happy to complete my project successfully and succeeded in pleading my higher officials with it. I was posted as the project leader at the branch of our company in San Francisco.
One day I was standing in the balcony of my room. It was the coldest day of the year 2010. I got the call from my dad as I had the last cup of my tea. He enquired about my living and finally he asked, “Avinash, I know you are not in a situation to answer my question. But as a dad I have certain responsibilities to do for my son. As a part of those responsibilities I ask you, Are you ready for a marriage? I don’t want to find a girl, mail her photo to you and inform you that your engagement is fixed. I wish you would get married soon. If you want us to find a girl for you, we are ready. Or if you have someone for your life we will not oppose you.”
I felt so bad hearing what my dad said. I had not worried about what they think or what they feel about me. I didn’t want them to worry about me anymore. I thought it was the time for me to give them peace for their old age. I answered my dad saying him to find a girl for me.
His reply was just,”Hmmm! Ok.” But I felt the happiness in his reply. He became so excited hearing my reply. I also felt satisfied for making my parents feel happy about me at least once.
I dropped the phone call. Though I changed myself to the environment my phone’s wallpaper was still living with the past memories. It showed me the picture of Saadhya, Keerthi and me. I wiped of the tear at the corner of my eyes and went to wash my cup.
ENTERNAL FRIENDSHIP
I wished I had Keerthi with me. I wanted to share everything that is happening in my work place to her. She would advice me about what I should and what I should not do. Her decision for me would always be right. I wanted her to be with me when I start my new family life.
I made a call to her home with a wish in my mind that the number would still exist. My fortune favored me this time surprisingly. It was my Keerthi who attended the call. I got back the happiness which I lost years ago. She was also excited to hear me. Keerthi had become matured enough which I sensed from her voice.
I promised to meet her when I come to India. She said that she would chat with me in Facebook. We exchanged our mail ids. As it was time for me to go for one of my friend’s wedding anniversary party I ended the call with Keerthi unwillingly.
I returned home late that day. I just checked my mail. There was a mail from Keerthi. Even my inbox would have felt happy for her mail. I was eager to open that because it was from someone whom I thought I had lost a few years back.
The letter said,
“Avi, How are you? Hope you are doing well. Am I so formal Avi? How is Saadhya doing? Where is she now? I tried to contact you both several times, but I failed. I am happy that you called me. Have you got married? I hope you lead a peaceful life now.
And Avi please don’t worry about me. I have changed a lot. I had done many mistakes because of being immature. But now I am not the same. I value our friendship much more than anything. I wished you had been with me whenever I faced any pain or experienced any happiness in the past eight years. I have a lot to say Avi but now I don’t have words to write. I am eagerly waiting to see you. Please come soon. I wish to see you and Saadhya together when I meet you next. Bye Avi. Take care. Love you!”
I didn’t know what this kid had changed. She was still the same. She as always assumes things on her own, does everything according to her assumptions. I didn’t even speak a word about Saadhya to her in the call. But this girl had assumed even about our marriage. I didn’t know what I should do reading this mail. Should I cry for not having her in these years or jump out of joy for getting her back?
I was laughing with tears in my eyes after reading the mail. As I do always, I re-read her mail more than ten times. I was so happy for getting her back into my life.
BACK TO INDIA
I finally got a chance of coming back to India. I had informed Keerthi the day before, about my return. She said that she would wait for me at the airport. It took me fifteen hours to reach New Delhi, then again half a day to reach Chennai. It was just a matter of twenty hours but I felt as if I was spending more than a month in the flight. I was uncontrollably excited to see Keerthi after these many years.
When I reached the Chennai airport I saw Keerthi waiting along with my parents. We collected the luggage and boarded a taxi to my home. I reached my home, refreshed myself and waited for Keerthi. She said that she would pick me up by 5 in the evening. She came home by 4.30; we had a few conversations together along with my mom. We decided to go out for a coffee. We reached the same cafe in which we had had most of our coffee together when at Chennai.
She enquired about Saadhya. I didn’t want to disappoint her in the meeting after a very long gap. But she had the right to know about me. So I said that I didn’t contact Saadhya after Keerthi had left me. I saw that Keerthi’s face was getting dull. I didn’t want to see her worried. I tried to console her but Keerthi still felt guilty. She said,"I was happy these many years thinking that you are being happy with Saadhya. I left you because I should not be a hindrance in your life. But you have been living alone Avi! Without anyone! Why didn’t you try to convince Saadhya? No one can love you like Saadhya, Avi. What was the need for being alone?"
I had the answers for all her questions but saying them would end up in argument. I didn’t want to make the meeting end in argument. I wanted to Keerthi understand the reality. I said her that dad had decided to find a girl for me for marriage.
Keerthi was convinced little by the last statement of mine. But still I could see many wrinkles on her forehead which showed me that she was annoyed. I knew Keerthi will not be angry on me for a long time. I enquired about her life. I got to know that she didn’t marry yet and was working in a software company as a HR.
I was happy that Keerthi learned to live her life peacefully. I wanted her to get married. Her reply was that she will get married only after mine and only I should find a guy for her.
BRIDE SEEING CEREMONY
I was not interested in the rituals like visiting the girl’s house, having a formal chat etc. But I was forced by my parents. I wanted Keerthi to accompany us. We went to see the girl on a Sunday morning. It was almost 11. My parents and the girl’s parents were having a deep conversation about my salary. Keerthi was standing beside me. The girl came with coffee in a serving plate. I didn’t see her face at the beginning; I just took the coffee and looked away through the nearby window. Keerthi insisted me to look at the girl’s face, but I didn’t. Then the girl’s parents asked me and the girl to have some private conversations in the balcony if we wished. Keerthi pushed me to go and speak.
I was standing at the balcony and the girl came. I turned and looked her face for the first time. I was frozen seeing the girl. My eyes refused to blink, my lips trembled. I heard my heart beating so fast that it would burst in few seconds. It was Saadhya. The girl who left me drowned in the sea of love.
I didn’t believe what I saw. Was it coincidence? Or was it pre-planned? I had a lot of questions. I left the place without speaking a word. I reached home as soon as possible. Keerthi and my parents rushed after me. I came and locked myself in my room.
After few hours, I came out of my room. Keerthi was standing in front of me. I hugged her and cried as long as I could. She too didn’t stop me. After I had no tears to drop, we went and sat on the couch. Before I prepared my question, Keerthi began to speak, “I can understand you, Avi. You have million of questions to ask. But before thinking about the questions do remember that Saadhya has come for you, to live with you. Please don’t lose her one more time.”
I asked, “How did this happen? I know that this is not accidental very well. My parents don’t know about Saadhya. So it will not be them. Was it you Keerthi?”
Keerthi just smiled. Before her smile shrunk she got a call from her mom. She got up to leave. I caught her in my arms and hugged her tight. I didn’t know how to thank Keerthi for doing all these things for me. The girl who did everything for me and sacrificed everything in her life for me had given back my love to me sacrificing hers.