Last

I woke up today and I have come to a decision that this will be the last. The last day I will suffer after 12 years of trauma. I wanted to keep fighting. I wanted to keep fighting for all of you. But any hell is better than this. I need to love myself, and I need to choose me. So, I'm doing that. I love myself that I'm freeing her from all this pain. I decided to be free. I don't want you to think I was sad or something. I'm happy now. I chose to be  happy. And you were enough. You were more than enough. But, I'm a lot for you to handle. I'm a lot for everyone around me. I am. I get that. I was so happy to be with you Jo. You really are the best thing that's every happened to me. You made me laugh when I thought I couldn't. You loved me when I thought no one else would. You fought for me. I love you so much. So much. I hope you know that. I hope you know that. I don't even know how to say good bye without hurting you. I don't know how to tell you that everything will be alright. I don't know how to show you I love you so much. I love you my gorgeous soul. My very very kind, Lover. You're the very first person I'm so scared to leave and I almost didn't want to. I almost wanted to stay. You're my only home. My only peace. I want you to continue fighting. Please see a doctor about your condition. I want you to have a future, even though that future does not include me anymore. Build a family, have some little yous. hahaha also get that dream. You wanna be Lawyer or a doctor, then be one. You're the only person who could do it. You're capable of great things Jo. Thank you for kissing me in the rain. Thank you for holding my hand on the deep part of the river. Thank you for loving me so hard. Harder than anybody could have. Don't think of me too often. I don't want you getting sad. Just remember my smiles and those fart noises I make hahaha. Always remember I love you. I love you so much. You are enough. I hope you build a family full hope and love. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. I'm always thinking of you. My archer, My, lover, My sweet gorgeous soul. Thank you so much. This is not a good bye. I'm always by your side every step of the way. I'd like to think we'll meet again someday. I'll wait for you.