Let Go

An open letter to the ones who wasn't ready yet

You told me you need to leave because you thought you were okay, but you're not. You told me you need to leave because you don't want me to expect anything from you, from us. You told me you need to leave because you weren't ready yet. You weren't ready yet to have an "us" and a "we".

I accepted all of it. I told you that it was okay. It really was. I accepted your reason because I know that if I didn't, the burden is all mine. And I don't want to be selfish, too. I told you that it was okay, that your reason's okay but what I'm feeling that night wasn't anything near okay. I was broken, demolished, destroyed. Everything that you can relate with the word "hurt", that's what I'm feeling that night.

I didn't know how easy it was for you to let go when you didn't even try to hold on. I didn't know how easy for you to say you're not ready yet when you didn't even try to take a risk. I didn't know how easy for you to leave when I'm trying so hard to stay. I didn't know how easy for you to decide for our future wherein you can't even focus on our present. I didn't know how easy for you to stop when we both know we can still be together. That we don't deserve this kind of pain. That we don't deserve this fate for both of us. That we can be happy. Together.

You are a coward for not trying to work everything out. You are a coward for not giving me a chance to prove that I am willing to stay by your side. That I can be better for you. That we can make things work. Most of all, you are a coward for not giving "us" a chance. A chance to be happy, a chance for us to be in love with each other. A chance for both of us.

I decided to just be "friends" with you. Not because I want to, but because I don't want to lose any connection from you. I know it's a stupid idea but I guess that's part of being in love right? You do stupid shit so you won't lose that person. It's hard to pretend as if everything we had was just nothing. It's hard to pretend as if what I'm feeling towards you is just a mere "friendship" when my heart is screaming "I love you". It's hard talking to you, to look at you everyday knowing that we can never be the same again. That whenever I want to hold your hand, kiss your cheeks or just wrap my arms around you and say how much I love you, I can't. All those ideas are just stuck inside my head knowing that I can never do that again. It's hard to think that our something has turned into nothing and damn, it hurts so bad.

But fuck, you are worth it.