Let The Heart Speak

As a child I wanted to listen to my silly little heart, little did I know that my heart was as blind and clueless as an old man with dementia in the middle of traffic, and twice as stubborn. But as naive as I was I listened to its pleas, I didn't know all I was sacrificing. So my heart screamed only to survive, but all it said was all it knew, and all it knew was wrong. It screamed about my love for him, that boy I called my best friend, even as the darkness took hold of his sweet little soul and turned him into an entity that no heart could shine bright enough to reach inside of. I called my blind devotion love, I called him misunderstood, when really his mind stuck in survival mode made him no good for my silly little heart, he did not care to hear it speak. But that didn't stop its deafening shouting, it's all I heard inside of me for years, that and my hidden fears of all the things I couldn't remember, it was like my mind was in a blender my whole childhood, unable to store memories, I will never know my own beginning. But I can remember plenty of times I stared the end in the face and walked away, many times when I almost stayed and let the end be the end. I let my heart speak once again, so I could cleanse it of the toxic sludge left by that violently vicious boy I foolishly called my best friend. With every word, another scar gets slightly less deep, another strand feels less toxic to me. You can't be grown from toxic soil and expect to be pure and clean. Now I've learned to trust my heart, as long as it works with my mind, and I think I've done better this time, but we have to wait and see. All I can say is it wasn't easy but you learn to listen when your heart speaks, you just have to let it.