I didn’t know what life has to offer. I was only looking for the bright side. I wasn't prepared for the dark side.
I remember what mom says, "Points to Ponder". I understand where she is coming from. Even when I was crying. I understand them all. I couldn't look her in the eye because she was stating the obvious. I also like it when dad talks about me on being independent. I know that somewhere in time. They wouldn't be there anymore to give me advises. This made me cry. And that’s a reality that I should be ready to accept.
I didn’t know if what I’m doing is right. If I have a say on it.
It’s like I’m stuck in the middle.
I don’t like that my parents talk about me. On my bad behavior. I know that they are concern and that they love me. I don’t like it because I can hear them. I was crying in bed that night.
I’m sorry that I wasn't like my cousins. They are hardworking and they are nice. I wasn't nice. Even when people say that I am nice. I don't think I’m nice. My cousin might have been helping me out when I was little. But maybe I was too lazy to move a muscle and that they have given up. I don’t like it when people give up on me. I don’t want them to be sad. They look ugly when they are sad.
It seems like I’m talking like the guy on the series I’ve watched. And Oh My! This series is wonderful. It’s worth a watch. Atypical is about a guy who has autism and he is doing his best to accept changes in his life. He is great at coping with life. Hope I was like him. Brave and honest. But he wasn't perfect. And I wasn't too. We all are.
I also want to be like my sisters. Independent. I know they have gone through things in their lives. And they have push limits to be where they are now.
I don’t want to pity myself. It’s just not good to put myself down. And I’m sorry that I’m selfish. That I think about myself first. Why can’t I be selfish just for once? I know I should be kind but some people are just so mean sometimes, that you want to literally punch them for being mean. And that makes me a mean person for punching somebody. So I can’t do that. So I’ll just imagine it. That’s safe right?
But life just amazes you. The next thing you know you won't be sad or angry. You'll just accept it and understand why this is all happening to you.
God puts you there for a reason. He puts you there because He knew you are capable of it. And He is proud of you. For what you have achieved and conquered. He knows you more than anybody else. So be proud and don't be sad. Because with Him you are complete. You are safe. And He loves you my child. So start having that smile on your face because it sure looks lovely on you. Always trust in His process. I know it’s hard to wait. But remember He is always patient with you.
November 2, 2018