I’ve always felt the cold creeping into my skin
am I dead?
nope, I don’t think I am
but why can’t I feel my body moving
I am stuck
my heart is beating rapidly
like it’s in a race
and never stopping
I sleep late yet I woke up so early
yes, I still have dreams
but it makes no sense
sometimes I found myself outside
holding a shovel, digging
what for?
then in the middle of the ocean
not doing anything, just there
letting myself drown
when I even know how to swim
why am I having these dreams?
I don’t even know why
wait
I also remembered that one time
that sometime
that was something
I was walking in the sea of people
surrounded by familiar faces
I tried to say hi
but no one knew I was there
I was just there
stood for an hour
feeling so little and invisible
then I covered my face
with both of my hands
slowly kneeling
showing signs of defeat
now it’s time for me to go
I am so done in this world
I close my eyes
please don’t wake me up
allow me to feel half dead
I need a very peaceful sleep
please let me sleep
perhaps
just let me close my eyes forever
so pain could never bother me again