Here I am, sitting by the window and looking outside. It's not a great view, not even a good view. I am just staring at a tree. A weird looking tree, a tree with brown body and dark green leaves. And it suddenly hits me-- I am lucky to be alive.
What did I do in these 26 years of my life on Earth? I laughed, I cried, I fell down and I stood up. But for most of it, I just ran. I ran behind things, behind people, degrees, experiences. But did I actually enjoy any of it? Did I actually, truly enjoy any of it?
Then 2020 hit us and all of a sudden I don't have to run anymore. I get to take a break. I get to look back and I finally get to take a minute for myself.
As I sit here, I think of all the things that I could be doing. I think of the places I could visit, the food I could eat, the people that I could meet, the money I could be making and the footprints that I could be leaving. But instead of doing all those amazing and hypothetical things, here I am staring at a tree. A tree, a weird tree.
Everyone is calling it a lock down. A complete shut down of the world. But here I am. I haven't shut down. My blood is flowing, my thoughts are rushing, my heart is pounding. I exist, I haven't shut down. And I can still see the tree. It makes me feel alive. A weird tree makes me feel alive. I can see it, I can judge it, I can see the leaves trying to break free and fly with the wind.
My career is at a standstill, my life is paused in the middle and my laundry is pending. But this experience means something. I think it means that I needed it. I needed to look at this weird tree and be thankful to be alive. I needed to stop running and appreciate the beauty around me. My body is confined within these walls but my mind is free. My mind is free of the hustle.