We've been in love...
For 3. And. A. Half. Years.
Yup. She knew that. But she wasn't counting.
She even said we weren't together. We weren't a so called "couple", a pair. We were nothing.
So what are we then?
What do you call two persons being sweet with each other?
Friends with benefits?
So you're saying that we're just two persons attending to each others needs? Fuck that! That's bullshit right there!
Well... In fact we're just two delusional girls with raging hormones that were lonely and was looking for someone to mess with.
Huh. Funny right?
Teenagers with naive thinking of what love is made of.
That they didn't know that they are playing each other's heart with the one not knowing the other one is hurting.
Messing and fucking each others feelings.
I fell in love. And she did. She just didn't admit it to herself. I didn't know why she's holding back or not accepting to it.
"A battle with just one person fighting is not worth fighting for."
Whenever I recall them about us. Being happy. Has given me great joy of a memory. Those smile, laugh, eyes. They were lovely.
I fell in love with her soul.
With her beautiful soul.
Not what she looks like.
I do admit she has a pretty face.
But I saw her much more. For what she is capable of and what she can do in the future.
It's so unfair that I can say words to her that is connected to beauty.
But with her... She would say rude words addressing to me. Still I don't get mad at her.
Cause 1 - some of them are true. And 2 - because I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to argue anymore. And 3 - cause I've fallen in love with her in the past.
Sometimes I want to let go but part of me is holding on to her.
Why?
Because you just can't let go of that beautiful soul. That one person who almost knew you.
In the past I was so hang up on her. Even head over heels. Can't seem to sit still not talking to her.
But things have changed... I did move on. I didn't care much of what she was doing. I'm also happy that I could go a day without talking to her.
And you know what. It feels great! I feel much happier than ever! I never felt so free in my entire life!
It took time for me to get over her. But eventually I did. I really did. And I'm so happy and proud of myself that I really did. (Whoaa! Did I just wrote this? This is so true! I did. So happy!)
So I have learned to never expect too much. Leave something for yourself. And love yourself even more. To always be patient and everything will follow. Trust In God for He has a plan for you.
Now we are an "okay" friends. But not that really clingy friends anymore.
What if I see her. Who knows right? I might be her close friend again. Or I might not.
But I don't like seeing her these upcoming days.
I don't want to be reminded of how foolish I am to fall in love with her.
I don't want to be reminded of the things I was once happy with her.
Cause what I am having. Is what I am loving right now. And I don't want her to ruin it for me.