Lover's Paradox

Disclaimer:The following piece of writing is the creation of a person who is neither the most experienced, nor the most knowledgeable or wisest person. But then again, he has enough experience, knowledge and wisdom to cook this up based on his research. These are the personal views of this person on a certain side of the human psyche which is rather largely prevalent in a person's life nowadays. It is the reader's sole discretion whether he or she agrees or not with the material. Your personal opinions and comments are most welcome. 

Since there are no living or dead person involved, I didn't bother saying, "Any relation or association to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental." But then again, I said it.

Hello Reader,

Before I start blabbering, let me get to know you...

How many times have you loved someone? (I know, you might think that a person can love 'something' as well, but in my opinion that has a rather different set of laws and limitations.) 

So if you have....then,

How many times have you end up feeling dissatisfied with your partner and your relationship? (And I mean, in the long term.)

And.......

How many times have you said something in the heat of the moment, which you later regretted, and then had a hard time making up for it? 

Did you ever feel that your partner is with you but then again 'not with you'?

Enough with these questions! 

Okay, okay, one last question...

How many times have you felt that your loved one was drifting away from you like the waves of the sea and you could see the end of your relationship imminent? 

How many times did it feel like the snow beneath your feet was giving away? Did you feel cold? Cold enough to chill your bones?

Lover's Paradox

By the way, did you ever wish for 'painless love'? Maybe at one point of time, you might have felt that the pain was too much to bear? 

See, that's what lover's paradox is all about...

Formally speaking, we can say,

"Despite goodwill, human intimacy cannot occur without substantial mutual harm and what results is cautious behavior and weak relationships."

You know hedgehogs, right? Let's use them to explain this metaphor about the challenges of human intimacy better.

Suppose, a group of hedgehogs seek to become close to one another to share heat during the cold weather. 

However they must remain apart, as they have to avoid hurting one another with their sharp spines.

 

Though they all share the intentions of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur due to reasons they can't avoid.

So, does that means all of our relationships are 'unstable' or 'weak'?

Maybe, maybe not...  (Actually that's really hard to find out.)

But then, we can do something about it? Right?

Well, one is recommended to use moderation in affairs with others both because of self-interest as well out of consideration of others.

Now, 'self-interest' sounds pretty bad but then we would like to get loved by our partner, don't we? We don't want to get stuck in a 'pseudo-love' like situation.

Symbolically, it could be said there is true love and there is pretended love, pseudo-love. However, in reality there is only "one" love, and you are an individual manifestation of it. This physical world is set up so you can either be in harmony with it, or be in disharmony with it. When you are in harmony with love, it flows freely through you, and because it is such a powerful and high energy, it feels so "heavenly".
However, pseudo-love is all a game of the individual's ego, false self. Of course there, the emotional attachment, in other words possessiveness, is negative or destructive. It reduces the object of the pseudo-love to a possession, and thus the possessor, tries to control his or her possessions.
This possessiveness may manifest as:
- tendency to tell what your loved one should do
- judging others (and your Self, too)
- wanting to be in charge
- having expectations of others (yes, and your Self, too)
- denying positive requests, even though there is no really good reason to do so
- taking advantage of others
- making others (and your Self) the butt of unloving jokes and criticism
- not being able to forgive your loved one
- not being able to let go of the "loved" one who passed away or parted with you 
-and in a lot more ways.

Sorry, that was indeed boring!

You with me, yet?

So to sum up, as the hedgehogs say...

"The mutual need of warmth is only moderately satisfied, but then people don't get pricked."

So, love passionately, love truly and love wisely...

Until next time,

See you soon.

Author's note: I am indeed grateful to all the sources which have helped me and the person who inspired me to write this up...