I feel dizzy. I feel hollow. I feel the impending void. All I want to do is lie down and sleep. But as I close my eyes, uncertainty looms over me, like a dark thunderstorm to drench me with it's gloom. I feel dejected, disappointed and hurt, all at the same time.
Know why? Because I fell in love. A Love just so beautiful I can't let go. With a person just so perfect I believe I can find none again. A bond so strong that it weakens me to even think about moving on.
To be in Love with someone can be trying. It can be rigorous at times and can bring you down. But it is at those times should we think about all those sparkling smiles and dazzling moments.
To Love someone unconditionally is a league apart. I loved her, expecting nothing in return. Love is selfless. I put her before everything else. Even before me. I trusted her with my naked heart and my fragile soul. She brought color to the dull, gray, pathetic life I lived.
I poured my everything into her. But the catch is, I failed to recognise if she wanted to get mixed with me. That's when I started to get persistent in my efforts. I started loving her even more. I fell in love with her, every single day.
And then, I started expecting something in return. For all the Love I gave away, isn't it natural for me to expect? That is what I did. We say Love is unconditional. But I learnt, Love is conditionally unconditional.
I loved her, in hope she would love me back. It's that condition which raised boundaries to the Love I felt for her. Sometimes, it got really rough! We had our piece of the bitter parts.
But despite it all, we thrived. I rejoiced her company. I felt more alive than I ever did, my whole life. I smiled at just the thought of her cute, little face. I dreamed of all the things we could be. That's when uncertainty sets in.
I love her. I still do. Not just with my heart, but with my soul and everything else that lives within me. Loving her can be a pain sometimes. But she is my sole painkiller. The one drug I can't live without.