And now when I look around I realise there's so much to being unhappy. I haven't written in a while because it's that phase where crying is the only way. It's the only resort. I couldn't get my Mac repaired. And even giving it a thought would make me materialistic, as if no one is. I don't think if I'd be able to describe my grief over that loss. It had been only one and a half year. Eighteen fucking months. And my entire macbook is screwed. I don't even feel like giving it up, because it was something I have loved and kept with all my heart. I don't care if it makes me look like a retard, if it makes me look mentally unstable to personify a laptop, I don't fucking care. I swear I'd rant out real bad if someone ever says "it was just a laptop". I wasn't JUST a laptop. At least not for me. It wasn't just a laptop. It was that unexpected expensive gift that my dad bought for me because he thought it would help. He did not even hesitate to talk about it. He just bought it because he thought that will be the best buy for me. And most of all he thought I deserved it. I too thought I deserved it. For one second, I really thought I deserved it. And it's so very unfair, life is unfair, everything is unfair. My loss is unfair. I had to pay for something I had not even done. I have kept my Mac the way it required to be kept. I would clean it and do every shit that was demanded. I'd use it everyday because that's just how madly I loved it. That's just how much I valued it. And I'm sorry but all of this is much more difficult than it looked like. I cannot get over it, I am unable to. I fail to get over the memories I have spent with that one friend who had been with me throughout. I have valued it more than anything else. Whenever the thought of catastrophe crossed my mind, I'd say "I'd make sure that I escape with my macbook". And despite that, DESPITE FUCKING THAT, this is what I get. This is what I have to bear. Everything, all for nothing. ALL FOR NOTHING AT ALL. I can't fathom into words how unfair this has been to me. I am just too neurotic right now to even give it a thought.
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