She panted hard. Everything around looked as though she didn't belong there. She realised that she was falling into a trance. She lay there, in the confined space in her bed. Ten, Nine, Eight.... counting down the numbers, like how her mother taught, the voice almost feeble at the end, she fell asleep.
The alarm in the morning couldn't wake her up as usual. So it's going to be the routine - miss the only Air conditioned bus in the morning, squeeze herself inside the local bus, run to the pantry and grab whatever poha is left, and start the hectic day with a wide grin at her manager, who looked at her with his you-are-next-to-be-fired look.
"Again?", exclaimed Ankita, munching the last little hearts left in the cover. This would be the second one since morning, assumed Neha. Ankita, her constant since she joined the firm, and the only one whom she has given the liberty to eat from her plate. Her wide eyes is always restive and that she wanted to know everything happening around her,which could be the reason why she wasn't included in the inside talks of her colleagues. Ankita didn't care much though. Because she was smart enough to find it out even if it involves giving away her old saris to the office attendant as a bribe.
"Like really? Again? What's happening with you?", this time she was loud enough that, Aditya, the screen starer, had to hush them. Neha asked Ankita to calm down as she pulled the chair beside her and sat.
"Yes, it did! I don't know why but it is bothering me these days, this whole drama of me being captivated and running away panting... I'm tired of it!". Neha took a gulp of water, before she started again. "Sometimes, I just feel like I shouldn't sleep at all, so that I don't miss my AC bus, have Dosa from the pantry instead of the left-over Poha, and prove our manager wrong that even I can make it to office on time."
"Yeah, that sounds better", mumbled Ankita with a chuckle. Neha looked at her, and they both laughed.
Neha, one among the many IT grads who had to limit her options to whichever companies agreed to recruit from their college. She got into one of them, like her friends, agreeing to the mediocre-life pay that it offered. Life revolved around dating-a-computer, once in a week outing with the colleagues, Ankita and some space in the 8-girls sharing apartment in a place almost near the heart of the city.
"So, what plans for the big day? You are turning 27 Neha, you oldieee...", Ankita mocked at Neha, while Neha threw the Apple that was half-eaten.
"My b'days are just another day, since the time I started a life alone. Nothing unusual, no expectations. I hope I don't expect anything more as long as I get paid", Neha retorted.
"But, what's life if you do not have a memory to relish and laugh with your grandchildren. Have you got any?". This left Neha thinking. In the past five years of her knowledge about Ankita, she hasn't heard her saying anything that made sense, but this. What would be there to tell her grandchildren, or anyone for that matter, something that she was fond of? All she has is the nightmare that she doesn't wish to share.
"Why not try to find the meaning of your dream?". It sounded very exciting to both of them when Ankita suggested. They never had a plan, didn't know how to proceed, but now that she said, Neha really wanted some kind of an accomplishment to relish her 27th. After the day's work, Neha reached home at the usual time, when the 9pm soap was almost getting over. It was always the background music that played when the hero meets the heroine in the soap from the apartment next door, received her home. She didn't sleep that night, but tried to figure out how to find the meaning. This continued another two weeks, come back from office, lost in thoughts. Neha decided to give up! She started to abase her own self esteem.
It was two days before her b'day that Neha put down her papers. Without any hesitation her manager approved it, as he might have thought that it is easier to sign on a resignation than to draft a notice to fire someone. She didn't bid goodbye to anyone but left a note to Ankita that read - "On a mission to find the meaning of life".
Neha boarded the bus with 20 other strangers to the 'paradise on earth' - Ladakh. It was a journey of learnings, realisations, making memories with a whole lot of new people, breathing with no responsibilities to think about at the backend, repenting for the small crimes she committed and to weep in solitude for the regrets she had.
Two weeks later, they met at the café near the office so that it was easy for Ankita to come. She could feel a very satisfying smile on Neha's face, when she sat opposite her.
"So, did you finally get the meaning?", Ankita wanted to know, what did she find in her trip.
"I did!" - exclaimed Neha with her reassuring smile.
Her smile was enough for Ankita to summarise what she meant. Neha's creepy dreams were nothing but the reality everybody were facing in life. Leading a mediocre life without hoping for better and living through it, suffocating. Losing her job wouldn't make her unhappy but make her determined to look for better. Neha was starting a new page in her life.
Clinging the tea cups, the girls laughed and enjoyed how they did always!