What ?, no, that can't be true, really?, am I talking to myself now. that is not me, or is it ?. I don't even know where those ideas are coming from, maybe from today's resent events, maybe the memories of yesterday, maybe the fear I have of the unpredictable future, some of those ideas are depressing, some of them bring joy to the heart, some of them seem to fade away so easily as they can not eventually come true, I am right here, sitting calmly, my cheeks are in between my hand palms, staring at people in the street from my room's window, my eyes move unwillingly, and slowly, I find myself looking at my face's reflection on the glass, the clock tick-tacks suddenly stopped, and in a moment my head went blank, I could't think about anything, I didn't feel anything at all, in a moment, my body was peacefully left alone, it might have been a moment of silence where I try to convince myself that I actually feel relieved and that there is nothing In life that worth thinking about that much, or well, maybe that's not it; maybe my brain can't realize that huge number of mistakes that I have made, the burden i carry on my shoulders, yes I believe I did many wrong things while growing up, but it is a good thing to admit it and try to fix up everything now, before it's too late. I know now that I was a stupid person, and I still am, I believe, it is a part of me that I can't change.
Yes, it may seem a bit sad, to someone who doesn't actually know nor understand how lonely i feel, how I become when my problems are solved that way, a prolonged monologue, on a scene of my choice, I play sounds and I see pictures, all in my head. I picture myself as a hungry man and my dreams as a meal, something that I can eat and after they will be digested and they will grow as hair, long hair painted with colors of those wishes that I hide from me, I want to get there, and i don't want to at the same time, i find myself stuck between the lines of the script i wrote with my own hands. but the ink has already dried, and I only have few papers left.