The first time i saw you, you're fine and me is a bit afraid but not shy. It was a great experience to meet a very decent man like you, dignified maybe is the right word. You are attractive with a combination of good looks, intelligence, wit and confidence. You got me at the wink of your blue eyes, I got hypnotized, didn't even enter into my mind how old you now, really had a blast talking to you, trying to make a good impression and hoping that you'll find me interesting. And that's the moment that i'm starting to think of you. Now i don't know if this is what you call love or just an infatuation. I'm always looking forward to see you, to talk to you but what really bothers in my mind is that, do you think of me too? This is beyond infatuation, this is insanity. You're married and i know you're in love with your espouse or maybe not that really, my crazy hope, got a child who is as old as I am. Very odd. I know this is kinda taboo. There's nothing wrong to love or to love someone like you, I know my values that I shouldn't push through what I'm feeling for you, 'cause that's where sin will take place.
These are my greatest confessions. I want you, I want you so bad. I wanna feel your love and want you to feel mine. I know that there's no hope and way for us to be together or for me to have you solely but despite of my misery I still hope that you could feel something for me and I don't care if it is just sexuality, all I want is for you to think of me, to want me, own me and be obsessed about me. I want to take care of you and prove that I could be better than your wife for I am way younger, and hotter. But I should not think like this, like a mind of a mistress or a concubine! I know to be your concubine is the only way to have you but I know it will never ever get into your mind and all of these will just remain as a wishful thinking, my wildest dream and imagination, my wildest fantasy.
If this isn't love then why I'm hurting right now with the fact that there can never be an us, never ever, only in my dreams, only on my mind.
But this pain just increased with the fact that you are leaving soon, giving out some precious things of yours to set as a memoir a sign that you might never come back or you will really never come back. I'm already feeling the deep sadness, more of a sorrow, a misery but what more when the time will come that you will now leave, even just now, thinking about it, causes me a great pain, a direct shot to my heart. Now I hate you for this, I hate that you give me pain but my love for you still prevails more and that's another thing that i also hate, hate to admit and to realized no matter how I try to pretend that I'm not into you, that i should stop now what I'm feeling for you, but the more that I hold on, the harder it gets. And so I just decided to cherish all the the time that is left for me to be with you and to make the most out of it, just trying to make you fall in love with me in the most inconspicuous way. But a chaos is on my mind, is it better to continue what I'm feeling while savoring and enduring the pain or is it better to pretend that I don't want you and to stop now this craziness so that the pain won't be heightened anymore?
I'm already hurt by the fact that you've been taken but what hurts me more is that you'll be gone soon. Why can't you just stay, and let me love you even in secrecy. Maybe if you only knew but you couldn't and you shouldn't ever know it, never ever.
So now I'm sending my goodbye, it would be hard but I know I can. Maybe this is God's way of saying that I should now stop this craziness and focus on what's really important. Thanks by the way, though you hurt me. Thank you for coming in to my life even just for a very short period of time. Thank you. I love you, goodbye! Mr. Best Thing That I Never Had and I Will Never Ever Have.