“I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, seven..." but then I stood up immediately and covered my face with the stole. Like God himself knocked me down, I saw a lady coming with him, whom he's holding around the waist! All the confidence drained. And it screwed my love guts. And then, even after all the years, it felt hard to change his mind. Love didn't seem strong. So I left the cafeteria and rushed out before he noticed me. “What scene has my life entered into? Crap it! ”, I thought to my self.
It was definite for something to happen. For that to happen.
I really was very enthusiastic to meet him after all these years. Meeting the first time I must say! But I backed off. Nowhere else in the world I feel inferior, but this man’s the only one who makes me feel that.
Last night I thought it would go well, very well, but today when I saw him just around twenty feet away looking for me, romancing a woman in front of me. I lost the confidence at once.
It all began six years ago, right on this day of September 5th. He came so determined rushing straight into my class room, wearing a formal white shirt for his presentation on Artificial Intelligence. He just seemed charming then... and later, it went the typical style, friends on the Facebook page, formal greetings and formal chats. Damn that he treated me much like a kid, also much like one of his female followers! He was the college stud, a science student who just believes things having valid existential proofs.
So later on, we became good friends ( I THOUGHT) . I began assuming all the silly things and that I know "All-about-him", but little did I know that he was lying all time and posing a gentle man's attitude.
Mean while my feelings for him began growing rapidly. Very rapidly. He became my addiction. Though I belonged to the creative fields, my expressing skills died every time I had to speak to him! Cause he left me speechless all time!
Every time I thought that he's a good god's boy, gentle all time.. So did I, pretended like a calm dumb girl!
Then came the damn day, when I put forth the worst proposal in the world in front of him! I didn't know it would spoil things! So I got rejected. He said I was not his type. That his type is ripe and I was raw! Awwwh!
I understood that pretty well. Realized I shouldn't have pretended calm... Some where deep with in, I thought " let's try again!"
Continued the conversations, both played a friend's role... Yet he was not ready to open up whole!
At last! Fortunately or unfortunately, I got to know the real him... That lust was all what mattered him. He was a pure physique admirer! He turned out to be no god's guy, but completely a out of track confident self centered stud. He believed in no love, he believed in no god. All that he believed were a bit of scientifically proven theories on life and people!
Lust mattered him, not love. The physical romance made a good deal to him, not the mental connection!
Worst part?
Physical romance with not just one perfect body, but all the ones around!
That really was a disturbing thing to know about him.
My immediate reaction?
"Fuck you!" And all the beep beeps. For which he called me a "bitch"... "of the century", he added.
Wars all around. Cold wars to be frank. " Screwing, avoiding, abusing and blocking!" All this went on for months.
But then too, I didn't find my peace settling! It was true love for him. As its said, "a life can be lived in a moment's insight" ... Happened the same with me. I fell for him so bad. Being so straight forward, I never believed in "only a man should propose first". I did it first.
Great deal of courage it took, to forgive and to be forgiven. It was me again to ask the " do you wanna make friendship?" To him.
Then we became, friends on an understanding. When I asked him why's he like that, he said, " Lust and greed alone run the world. Nothing else does."
I did agree on it with him, but just to an extent.
We then became good friends. No more masks, no more pretending.
All this time, I aimed to change him. But every close step towards, made it clear that love doesn't fit in his life!
We together spoke, of science, of porn, of stars, if god..! Everything I must say except the facts on love!
Though numbers exchanged. Our lives remained unchanged. He remained the same science Einstein. And I, kept growing into the arts and creative sides.
Mean while, he always made sure, that I wasn't again falling for him. But he didn't know, it was always all time.
He once told me that "Weep not for roads untraveled", is what he believes in. But even then he didn't know, that I dreamed travelling his life's road... Long back eons ago.
No Matter what, time goes going, water keeps flowing and weather keeps changing. So did it happen. Six years have passed to the exact date. The fifth of September has come. And has gone. I had to meet him and confess today but I quit the barn!"
"My birthday gift is your diary? LOL! Yasmin Awesome! So what is his name?" Asked Prachi, my room mate after reading my diary about all that.”
Why don't you guess?" I said. Minutes passed and she kept guessing and in the meantime she cheerfully kept uttering " Just cause I didn't reveal my guy's name until today? Such a Bitch babe!"
Just a minute I said and took the diary from her, and wrote, “ September 6th , end of tale. I give up.”
“But Yasmin why give up?” asked Prachi shocked.
“Want to know who’s it?”
“Of course! Tell me!” Said Prachi.
"Okay! So fine, its Aman" I said. "Aman your Fiancé. Now whose the bitch Prachi? Want me to continue the tale?" I concluded.
*Jaws dropped*
"What?"
You’re the girl in the mall Prachi. It’s Your birthday gift.
" MY DIARY ABOUT YOUR HIM."
*Silence a while*
Good night.
Story