Hi everyone.
This is the first time I write something, I am not a big fun of writing, but I thing I need to write this, and share for the first time with people what I feel since I was 4 until today (17 years old).
Before I start, I want to apologize about my passable English. English is my third language, but I prefer to express my feelings in English.
First of all, I was born in 1998. I am the first child of my parents. My sister was born in 1999, and my brother was born in 2003. My family is very normal, we live in peace, and we are very close.
But unfortunetly, I have three problems, one of them with society, and the other two with my sister.
Let's start with the first problem (please guys tell me what you think in comments and help me). So, when I was 6, I started going to primary school. As we all know, when a child is 6 years old, he seems to be so active, and love playing, hate studying, but for me it was TATALLY the opposite, since 6 years old, I loved studying, only studying, even when we start a vacation, I say to mum:"I want to go to my teacher's house, we can study there". I was like that during the 6 years of primary school and the 3 years of college. Of course i felt very different of all the students, sometimes I sit with them and try to laugh at their jokes but at the end of the day, i feel like I was only wasting my time, instead of laughing at stupid jokes it was better to stay at home and study.
But the first year of high school was VERY different, I met a girl, we started hanging out often, she was very outgoing. And that was the FIRST year in my life, that I DON'T study. I never sit down on a chair and take a book to revise or learn something, I enjoyed my life even if I knew this wasn't right, but I wanted to feel just one time in my life that I am NORMAL, and fortunetly, I had a good mark at the end of that year.
The second year of high school, I stopped dropping classes and start studying but not like my first 9 years, my life was balanced, and I was really satisfied.
At that year, my second problem started with my sister.
I'm the eldest and I have a weak personaliy, I cry very fast, my heart can be hurt so easly, I trust ANYONE, and I suffer from that very much. At the other side, my sister is the OPPOSITE of me, she have a very very strong personality, she mock at me often, and that hurt me so much. In addition to that, my sister is SO beautiful, everyone likes her, and when someone talk to me about her, I say:"she is my sister" the other one reply:" You're lying, she doesn't look like you at all" I feel like they're saying "she's beautiful and you're ugly". When I started feeling like that, I tried to put make up on my face and change my style, but unfortunetly, make up and and clothes, are not what was made for me, I don't know how to put make up, I tried to learn how but I hate that. In the inside of my heart, I believe that being natural is the best thing, but society doesn't like this, if you put lot of make up and act like a "bitch" (sorry about that) you will be very accepted by people, and most of them will like you.
I don't want to say all the details, you may be bored.
Let's summarise:
The first bad thing I was feeling is: being unnormal, children like playing and I LOVE studying.
The second thing is: My sister has a strong personality, and as I am not like her, she hurt me SO SO SO much.
The third thing: I suffer a lot from what people say about my sister that she's beautiful, and she doesn't look like me, which means I am ugly.
Guys I know it's stupid from me to feel that, but this is me, this is what I think, what I feel. Can you help me ? Can you tell me what to do to change those negative ideas ?
Thank you for reading this.
Love youuu <3