It had been raining since last night. I was too preoccupied, things were happening so fast that it became difficult to keep a track. All I had was this diary, the more I read, the more I freaked out. Every page of it appeared to be like some riddle and I was too disgusted to decipher any meaning from that. I looked out of the window. The sky was still ridden with dark clouds, occasionally lighting up- the world looked so different then. It was like, everything was so clear, perfect and suddenly out of nowhere comes the flash, the thunder, and again restored to the former.
The lines still reverberating in my mind. "Its like pieces that need to be together...". No matter how much I tried , I couldn't remember the first day that I met her. It was like she was with me my entire life until I became aware of reality. I could still remember every moment that we spent, every promise that she broke; but there was nothing like any 'first meeting'.
I became weary and decided to give up on it, opened my laptop searching for some recent movies. But none were good. While logging into my gmail account I suddenly realized that I haven't opened it since I returned home from the hospital. Various mails were flooding i-mostly for internships and jobs, while scrolling down I came across a mail from Dr. Avni Sen. I almost forgot about her, she was my psychiatrist. A chill blow ran down my spine when I recalled my third visit with her. She told me to forget her, kill her like some character in my story. I quickly opened the mail.
'Rick, its been a while that you have not replied to any of my text and I am not getting you on phone either,thats why I am mailing you . From what you have told me about someone you met on this trip, I feel she is not in real. Its your imagination Rick and its hard time you get out of it. If what I guess is true, then you are suffering from some sort of schizophrenia. You are facing problem to distinguish between what is real and what is not. When you get back to Kolkata just visit me once. I have got something important to tell you.'
I checked the date of mail, the same day my accident supposedly took place.
Waiting for another day seemed impossible. I took a taxi and somehow convinced him to drive upto Parkstreet. The driver was initially not ready owing to the flooded streets but finally agreed on being given double the amount. On reaching the doorstep I felt my heart almost popping out of the ribs. "Finally there is an answer"-I thought. When I rang the bell,a tall lean man opened the door. I remembered him, he was Dr.Sen's husband.
Him: Yes, how may I help you?
Me: Hi, I am Rick. I am a patient of Dr.Sen, is she at home? I need to meet her, its really important.
Him: I am sorry man, she died six months ago in a car accident.
I dont know for how long I stood at his doorstep staring at him, all blank. Thunder crackled, scaring the crap out of my eardrums and yet I was still. He said something , I did not hear.His expression changed to one of remorse, no disgust maybe. He closed the door.
Parkstreet road started filling up in rainwater. There was traffic, people crossing the roads. The dogs took shelter on the stairs of some closed shop. I watched everything-walking aimlessly. Somewhere between the road I almost got hit by a car, the driver uttered something-perhaps some slang which I didn't mind. I dont even remember for how long I walked, at one point I met a friend who hired a taxi and dropped me home.
It was 1a.m at night. I sipped from my cup of coffee which was cold by then. Thoughts cropping up like bubbles and vanishing in a moment. I was unusually cool and comfortable,as if my sensation were not mine anymore- they were controlled by some spiritual being.
"Is this a game you are playing?" I asked. The room echoed in reply.
"Let me remain an illusion , let me remain a mystery"-that was what she said, but it was too soon to give up.
Another hour spent, an absolute solitary business between me and my night. Stars showed up in rapid numbers illuminating the sky.
"I dont know who you are, I dont know what had happened, or is happening to me at present. But whoever you are, get me out of this"-I pleaded. I cried hard, for the first time after all that had happened- all weak, fragile, pityful.
Darkness doesn't stay with us for long. soon the stars got dissolved into the blue of sky welcoming a new day. The breeze was cool and gentle. I closed my eyes trying to feel her essence. She looked beautiful when the first sunray kissed her face.
"Seasons had stopped since last winter
and now here we stand
amidst doubts and uncertainty.
And that is how things will be,
this little game between you and me"-(A part of the diary)
But somewhere I felt that this was not the end. There must be some meaning in this whole business and indeed there was.
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