I am Ganga Pramukh, working in my father’s own beautiful bakery as everything; mainly showing off my multi-tasking skills. Being incredibly short, not to mention incredibly short to some people, I have always had, in scientific terms napoleon complex. Don’t get me wrong, I am not that short either. I managed to grow till one forty five centimeters. Not bad uh? I know and I wonder what makes people say I am short. :/
Everyone blabbers about how I am the only one to be short in my family. Especially after seeing my brother, no one would think of us as siblings. He was an outstanding six foot guy, never to forget his charming attitude.
Sangeetha is my only cousin to whom I can talk. She has always stood beside me loyally. We are of the same age and were together in college. My other cousin is Yamini. Yamini is just nine years old and her sister, Sangeetha, is twenty five. The age difference has a profound effect in their relationship. Sangeetha is more of a mother than a sister. She always talks of her Yamini with such protection that it is unmistakable of how their relationship is.
Sangeetha: Matha Gangotri, don’t you see how tall the guys in our town are. What about your fiance’? How do you expect people to not notice the height difference when you posed with Dhanush for your engagement photo which is hung on the wall right behind you?
“Dhanush”….. Sorry for the delay. Got stuck there. Every time I hear his name my brain automatically retrieves a particular folder named I GOT STRUCK from my cerebral cortex. The day his whole family all together came to my house with a proposal to ask my hand in marriage. Funny how they want my hand alone. Just kidding…. I didn’t tell you why exactly I was appalled. Dhanush and I are of the same age and I don’t remember him showing any sort of interest in me either in school or in college. I still ask him how many years it has been since he fell for me, alas, all I get is a smile. He is not a very open person but I know he likes me. I have noticed how tranquil he looks when we are together. Despite me being short, what would have led him to such a suicidal decision?
When my engagement with Dhanush was fixed, everyone was startled at how I got a guy who was that tall. My mother always used to say it would be difficult to find a guy for me and that used to make me roll my eyes. Never have I felt any little because of being short.
“Not to mention about the girl Sangeetha told us. She is really tall and beautiful. She proposed Dhanush in college. That girl was five- eight.” My mother used to smile at me. Praising Dhanush was my mother’s hobby now. She was too excited to get a well behaved, handsome son-in-law. Not only her, everyone in the house, even me. The girl they were talking about was Nia, one of my friends. She was an awesome writer and had won many prizes for her poems. A sweet girl. No one knew she had a crush on Dhanush until she told him personally. Unfortunately, it leaked and was a topic of gossip for more than a week. This story of Nia makes me curious of what I have that she doesn’t. It is not difficult to explain how she looks. Oval face, not very thin or fat, fair, straight coal black hair cut short till her shoulder with a few strands falling on her face. It was not any of this that stood out in her. It was her smile. She had, I would rather use, her smile had something that would make one feel at ease in seconds. Sometimes it gets nagy when I hear a lot about how good she is. It is only human to feel a bit jealous.
I heard the background music of twilight and I knew that my phone was ringing.
“Hello, Ganga, are you free today?”
The audacious voice of my fiance’ over phone. I wonder how he always managed to call when I think of him.
“Hey, yea. No work today. Are we going out?”
“Yea, will show you a place in this city you have not been to.” There was a taunting remark in his voice. He did not keep the conversation long. He hung up by asking me to be ready by twelve noon. There is no place in this city that I have not seen and I am sure of that. And what was with that mocking smile that I could feel sitting here? Something inside my gut told me to be prepared with sports shoes. A bowler of the cricket team of my town is planning to take me for something at twelve noon that will make me look stupid. Stupid….. I did not take more than two seconds to guess what it was.
We were in twelfth grade then and were taken to an aquatic theme park named “Waterfall”. Carrying an extra pair of casuals was once in a lifetime opportunity especially when you are in school where you are allowed to wear only uniforms. Both boys and girls saw to it that what they wore was the best from their collection. Me, being no less predictable, wore a black shirt that served my body best and blue jeans. The thought of swimming and the reality that I was going to an AQUATIC park did not strike the excited teenage Ganga. I was thrilled to see the water slide that twisted twice and totally forgot to notice how deep the water in the pool was. After have waited in the queue for long ten minutes, I got my chance to slide down. The slide was really exhilarating. But as soon as I landed on the floor of the pool I slipped unable to retain my balance and hysterically realized that the level of water was too high for me. The basic swimming that I knew was washed away by the sudden wave of panic that spread. I did all that I could to breath but it did not help. Just as I was going to say goodbye to my life on earth, two hands pulled me up to the surface and pushed out all the water from my stomach. Due to my over excitement I had failed to notice the life guard sitting near the slide. It was the lifeguard who pulled me. I refused to even move from the chair they made me sit on initially till we were about to leave. I still remember how I found Dhanush staring at me with a mocking smile on his face. I did not take any particular notice of it back then, as on that day, I was the laughing stock of the class and a guy’s mocking smile was not anything different. But when I think of it now, his smile was different. Meaningfully different. Perfectly different. Handsomely different. Few days after that, when the pain of picnic no longer hung in the air, Dhanush came to me.
“Swimming is not difficult. You can give it a try at taking swimming lessons.”
I had planned to accidently stab him with my pen later but soon gave it up when I realized he was not making fun of me. He was serious and friendly. I avoided it like any other twelfth grade student would have.
“I hardly get any time after all the tuitions and school. This year is important. I cannot waste time learning to swim.”
I lied. I never went for tuitions and was free all evening. I had plenty of time to study and enjoy. It is the mere thought of me in a pool of water that made me a liar that day. I shook myself off the guilt that swept when I thought of whom I had lied to that day.
My parent’s response to what happened was epic. They started feeding me food that would make me grow tall. The food at least tasted good, but what I could not tolerate was the stretching and bending they made me do. The only benefit I drew from exercising was losing twenty kilograms in two years.
Back to present. It was nine thirty and Sangeetha was watching television. I was too occupied with where I was going to spend the rest of my day to notice the program she was watching. She looked up at me and seeing my astonished face, mimicked concern.
“What happened? Who was it?”
“Dhanush. Is there any place in this city that I have not visited”
“As far as I know, we both have been to all the places together. Did he say he would take you to such a place?”
“Yea. He did. I have a feeling he will take me to Waterfall. I have not seen the rest of the park,”
For a second person the incident at Waterfall might sound funny. But it is not. I spent eight years of my life after twelfth glaring at the bath tub in my bathroom. Looking at the bath tub itself brought back memories that I disgust thinking about. Every time I hear about people swimming, it drives all the air out from my lungs. I suffocate at the thought pools. All because I was short.
I tried calming myself down by saying that there were many beautiful places in this city and handful of places I have not been to. I did not know whether to have lunch or not. So I called Dhanush.
“Hey, should I have lunch?”
“No…” an abrupt no. “ we will have lunch together later.”
“okay. Where are we going?” tried sounding as sweet as possible.
“You are not getting it out from my mouth. It is a surprise. Are you ready?”
“That is not fair. How do expect my father to send me with you without knowing where you are taking me?” I was a bit irritated as it became obvious what my intention was.
“I don’t think Uncle will have any problem with that. He did not object it when I told him I will be taking you out.”
Now it was perfect. My dad knew where he was taking me. How much more exciting can this get? My irritation was flaring into anger quickly. I had to tell myself not to hang up all of a sudden. I was not willing to break the silence.
“You don’t have to be angry Ganga. You will like it.”
I was too stubborn to talk and hung up afraid he might realize the pain it brought me.
“Stop, crying will spoil all the mascara I had applied.” I said myself. Even after all this torture, I wanted to look good for him. That is how girls are. No matter what problem they have, hiding it from others is one of their responsibilities. Especially from the guy about to become a part of their life.
I wore a blue salwar on purpose so that he will change his decision after seeing my attire. No one will ask me to dive wearing this for sure. I felt a bit overdressed with huge earrings, bangles and the traditional salwar. The gate of my house opened and I saw the white Chevrolet ride till the door of my house. I checked myself in the mirror and being convinced that I was safe from water as well as for a date, went down the stairs.
There he stood………..sorry for the long pause again. If there is anything in this world that could overthrow my fear,it was his face. Hopefully that face will be able to soothe me today when I see the pool too. I forgot the reason I had dressed for and smiled like a child who has seen her best friend. I could feel all the emotions gushing into my face and was too embarrassed at it being so obviously shown. He was wearing a grey t-shirt with v neck and long sleeves which he had pulled up. To me he looked irrevocably god like but I knew he had his flaws. Something that stood out was his fitness. He looks like he is in military except for his hair which I have no idea how it stands. He was too charming to avoid. Even Sangeetha liked him, which was a certificate enough. We left after greeting everyone. Once we were inside the car, I had to turn to my right to see him, which was crazy, which I did not do. All the tension was flowing back again. I think he sensed it.
“I am going to take you to my friends place.”
“Friends place?” disbelief in my voice sounded tragic, like I was too terrified.
“Don’t you want to go? If you are not comfortable, we can go somewhere else.”
I was shocked and happy that I couldn’t reply properly. I was more than relieved to know that there was no water involved. I asked smiling.
“Which friend?”
“You won’t know him. We were childhood friends and later his father shifted to Canada. Now he has come back with his family”
I was glad that I chose to wear a traditional salwar as we were going to meet a family officially. It was a long drive of half an hour and we talked and laughed.
“We are there.” He smiled.
The modern house has mediocrely large with two storeys and painted light green. There was a white Porsche on the courtyard showing that everyone was home. As soon as our car stopped, a lady around late fifties came out. Following her was a man who was in early sixties with dyed hair and corporate look.
Dhanush turned towards me. “Aunty and uncle” he said.
We were greeted well and soon his friend accompanied us. The interior of the house looked more posh than expected. The furniture were arranged remarkably and brought a new shade to the house. His friend’s name was Ashish and their family name was Madhav. After having lunch, three of us youngsters, went to talk in their lawn. I sat on a long swing there, which could seat not more than three at a time. Dhanush and Ashish stood facing each other near the swing. They looked at each other briefly and in their eyes I saw how old and sincere their friendship was.
“Back in school we used to write letters to each other. I used to look at the photo we clicked when we were four and I still have it.” Smiling, Ashish spoke. He looked at me.
“The letters we send each other were about the new toys we got and about what we played. Later we talked of new girls in our class and our crushes. Actually, I was quiet surprised to see you. This idiot here always wanted a girl who was not less than six foot. I used to think he was a crack. Six foot tall girl!! Really difficult to find.” Turning towards Dhanush. “Six foot tall!!” and started laughing.
Looking at the mirror, I saw a girl hardly five foot, fair, long face, thin, weak, wavy long hair with a tinge of brown in between black. Better than this was going to a pool. I felt doubtful of the way I looked. Those words still echoed in my ears.” Six foot tall!!”
I looked away from the painful face on the mirror with distrust. I could have grown taller, only if I had played basketball. I realized with sorrow that I could not stand beside Dhanush now. It will look pitifully awful. I hated myself for how I looked. He did not take what Ashish said seriously and laughed at it even in car. He admitted to have had some craze for tall girls and even found Deepika Padukone attractive.
I skipped dinner and was not in a mood to call up Dhanush to wish him goodnight. I went early to bed and couldn’t sleep even after twelve. I was almost asleep after stirring and turning for long and the phone rang.
“Hello” I answered sleepily.
“Hey. Were you sleeping? I was wondering why you did not call”
I looked at the screen of my phone to check who it was.
“Dhanush… yea…I slept off. Was not planning to sleep. Sorry.” I rubbed my eyes in sleep. I was too sleepy to analyze anything. I could feel a healing bruise somewhere in my heart and I knew I was talking to Dhanush. I could not recollect anything more than that.
“Oh, okay. Sleep tight.”
“You too.” I was too tired for anything. This happened whenever I had an emotional outburst. I pulled the blanket over me and slept without concern.
I was fine when I woke up in the morning. All I knew was that someone, probably Dhanush, called me up at night and I had a vague idea about what I told him. I planned to call him in the morning after breakfast.
“Hey. I am sorry I didn’t call you.”
“Haha, it is okay. I got to know how much of a sleepy person you are. Are you not coming for the birthday party?”
“Yea, I cannot afford to not be there for it.” It was my Sangeetha’s cute sister’s birthday party.
“What are you planning to wear?” that was an awkward question. Dhanush has never cared about what I wore. He looked happy with anything I put on. The question actually flattered me. Not only me, it would flatter any girl.
“I will be wearing a pink sari and accessories that match. Have you decided on what to wear?”
“Not really. I was hoping you would come with me to shop. I have no clue about what to buy.”
I could feel his smile in his voice. I was in for anything that involved us. Even though I didn’t tell him that.
“yea sure. When?” I was smiling too broadly standing in the balcony. Neighbors would probably think that I am mad.
“Evening, at four?”
“Yea…”
“See you later. Bye”
“Bye”
Yesterday’s pain was no longer there. He would not have come with a proposal if he didn’t like me. I was ready by three thirty wearing a green shirt and black jeans. I looked in the mirror on what else to do and noticed that I was wearing flats that didn’t make me look any tall. I exchanged it with the highest heels I had. Heels always hurt my spine later. But now, all I cared for was to look as tall as possible.
Dhanush is always on time. His car stopped at my lawn just as the clock struck four. We didn’t go anywhere far to shop. Our city had malls which were good. I found out that Dhanush had a soft corner to the colour white. All the shirts he selected had white somewhere or the other. Not only that, most of the clothes in his wardrobe were white. He was wearing a sky blue shirt and white pants which was a really good combination. Just like any other cloth shop, this one also had mirrors everywhere. It was very though to keep my eyes off the reflection of us standing together. The reflection looked really different. All the photos that I had of both of us were taken during some or the other occasion. Now, I clearly saw how we looked together in casuals or how we will look together after a few months. He was too tall, a little more than six foot and I was too short. I hardly reached his shoulder even after wearing heels. This was going to make me cry. I somehow managed to help him select a shirt. He decided to go with a pale pink shirt which would give his skin a little pink shade.
“We might rock this party” he said smiling.
“We? How?”
Disbelief struck his face and he got rid of it really quickly. What had I missed?
“We both are wearing pink. I know it sounds too kiddish” he came closer to whisper something in my ears. “ but it is now that we get to act kiddish” he winked at me. I really didn’t understand what he said. But I was too occupied to ask him again. I have to buy higher heels. But how high can heels be? They cannot make you look six foot tall or anywhere close to it.
“Dhanush, I want to buy sandals. Can we stop by some shop?”
“Oh yea, sure. Which kind are you planning to buy?”
I didn’t want him to know about my insecurities or my napoleon complex.
“We will see.” I smiled warily at him. He did not look convinced but I knew he would forgive me for keeping it from him.
It did not take us much time to find a good shop. Dhanush kept a close watch over my shoulder, due to which I could not directly go to the portion where heels were kept. After about wandering in the shop for five minutes, I finally reached the heels section. There was one which automatically caught my eyes. It was golden coloured with stones beautifully arranged. Most important of all, had about five inches high heels.
“Let me select for you”. I did not realize that Dhanush was just behind me.
“This one is good. But if you really want to show off standing beside me, you have to get over this difference” he pointed at my head and then his. Then he pointed at a mirror behind him. The mirror showed that no matter how high heels I wear, I would still look really short beside him.
Till then everything was different. He did not know why ,and now he did, and, when he did, this is how he reacted, like I did not deserve him, like I was too short for him, like he is ashamed of what he chose, like he really badly sadly regretted that day I GOT STRUCK. I hate him.
I pushed aside his hand from my head and ran out. He caught me by my elbow and turned me so that I would face him. I tried my best to hold the tears back, but it was all in vain. I closed my eyes hard so that he could not see the emotions that my eyes held. I did not want him to know that I was weak and that I felt really little in front of him. As soon as he saw tears fall down my cheeks, he left me. I did not even care to turn back. I grabbed my purse and took a rickshaw back home.
Next day morning, everyone knew that something had gone wrong. They had seen me running into my room. No one spoke to me, not even Sangeetha. She knew too. Dhanush had called me many times and when he became sure that I will not respond, he called dad. They talked and my dad listened patiently. He was furious at me for having walked over someone without respect. He did not say so, but I knew. The only thing that they asked me to do was eat three times a day. They gave me all the privacy I needed.
After three days, when everything eased down a bit. I had a visitor. She opened my door quietly.
“Hey, Yamini. How are you sweetie?” Yamini and I are good friends. Sangeetha, yamini and I had gone to movies without telling our parents and had also played a lot when we were young.
“Are you not coming to my party? It is tomorrow. Please didi, do come. Please.”
I did not have to think twice to say no. I was not in a mood to party and I knew that someone I did not want to meet right now would also be there. I was not ready to face him. I needed more time.
Sangeetha knocked at the door of my room, so unusual of her to do so. She asked Yamini to invite others also.
“Ganga, come tomorrow. How long are you going to run? Don’t forget that no matter what, he is also in this city and that you will have to see him someday.”
“I Cant.” It was easier to cry when she was here. She did not ask me why I was sad, but I think she did not care. She never asks me the reason, just stands beside me no matter what it was.
“You know what I told is correct. Do what is right, not what you feel like doing. Your heart can be weak, but not your common sense.”
Everything rushed back to hit me like a hurricane and I reacted to it really wildly, letting go of all the pain I had. I let it go.
It was six now and I was dressed in my pink sari, pink stoned jhumki, pink bangles and golden flats. I no longer had to stand beside anyone tall, trying to look tall. Even though it hurt, I convinced myself that everything happened for a reason. My pink sari reminded me of the pink shirt he had bought. But I pushed that thought aside and decided to go forward with what I wanted to wear.
There were around thirty people in the party. My cute Yamini was dressed in a red frock which matched her sister’s red sari. I did not want to look around a lot, afraid to find him there. I knew that his presence alone would make me cry. The cake was cut at eight. I had managed to keep my eyes off people to a very good extend that I hardly knew how many of my acquaintances were there. Keeping my eyes on the ground, I lost track of where the rest of my family went. I looked at each person on my way, deciding whether to scrutinize in detail from the colour of the dress they were wearing, as I knew which colour everyone in my family was wearing.
I saw a pink shirt somewhere in between the crowd and I walked in the opposite direction. I was at the corner of the crowd and had walked few meters away from the crowd also. It was only then that I dared to hold my head straight. A few feet away from me stood Dhanush wearing a blue shirt. A sudden wave of confidence gushed through me. I looked at him without showing any regret and I myself was shocked at how my eyes lied.
“Ganga, don’t run into conclusions. At least tell me what my mistake is.”
I was not going to reply to that. Some questions did not deserve answers. I still stood rooted there with mercy far away. He adapted to my unexpected callousness and the furiousness he was trying to hide, was out.
“Did you expect me to be blind and not notice how much you wanted to look tall? I have known you for the past nineteen years and been in love with you since I was thirteen. I can see through you Ganga. I can see through your words and eyes. I noticed how you collapsed every time you saw our reflection. I noticed how you reacted when Ashish told you about our letters. I noticed how easily you avoided me that night and I did not ask you why you lied. I knew the reason and all I wanted was to help. I demand an answer to what I asked. What did I do wrong?”
Only one word echoed in my ears. Thirteen. This time I could not speak because of something else. Everybody had their story to explain during a trial. Here I forgot that, and had made a mistake. I stood without blinking, not knowing what to do.
“I am sorry.” Finally managed to form words for my silly drama.
“I could not help. You never told me you knew. I was torn when I thought you felt I was not good enough. Constant comments about how short I was made me think about it. I just could not help it. But when you too said what others did, I was convinced you felt the same way.”
That was the best I could come up with. With all that was going in my head, this was all I could build.
He smiled, “When Sangeetha told me that you were stupid, I did not expect it to be so true. When I send my parents to your house, it was a decision I took after thinking for thirteen years. Why will I ever send them if I had any doubt of you not being fit for me?”
“You cannot blame it all on me now. You never told me it was a decision taken in so many years. I thought you came to me after failing to find a six foot tall girl”
As I lay on my bed peacefully, I could see the shadow of the leaves of the neem tree dancing on my ceiling. They reminded me of how happy that night was and all I could think of is something added newly to my list of favorites. The number thirteen.