She thought she knew what she got into. Then all the trouble started to come. Having too much fun caused her to lose what really mattered, everything she ever had was gone in one night. She had nothing left, her grades were falling, her friends were leaving, and her family lost all the trust they ever had in her. When just one night turns from family fun night to running away with her ex-boyfriend everything goes wrong. Not only did her parents not know where she was but who she left with could get her in trouble. He was never one to make good choices or keep her safe. With her ex-boyfriend and his two best friends they started walking downtown, it took awhile until she noticed. Those boys were not sober. It was up to her to get them back to his house, where a party was still being held.
Calling her parents at 2am “Mom, I have gotten myself arrested. Can you come pick me up?"
March 1st, Friday
I don’t want to get out of bed, my heart has been broken in one message just a few simple words. Last night Cam messaged me “Maria we’re done.” The only thing going across my mind is what did i do wrong. Going to school wasn’t on the top of my to do list, seeing him was the last thing I wanted right now. But knowing i’m going to see him every day or hear his name all the time because of our friends i had to suck it up and go to school. Theres no way to avoid his locker first thing that happens when i get to second floor his best friend and mine, Jace, yells to me “Hey Maria! Comin over tonight!?” I knew Cam would be going so i just shook my head. As i walked away out of the corner of my eye i saw him looking at me, he had this look on his face like he did something wrong. He looked lost or confused, the look on his face was like a lost puppy. Something wasn’t right with him but it wasn’t my job to take care of him anymore, he has moved on now it’s my turn. If he was going to say anything he would, its obvious theres something on his mind but it’s no longer me.
My friends and I are sitting at our normal table, the cafeteria is louder than ever. Every few minutes when i look over my shoulder he’s playing with his food but looking at me. There is still that lost look on his face like he’s done something wrong but i don’t know what it is. I'm not even hungry all the girls think i’m wasting my time and hes not worth it. His brown eyes stay locked on mine, i'm starting to think these bench seats are harder than usual or maybe i’m just trying to think about something that isn’t about him. There is a row of tables between us yet it feels like we’re side by side. I keep wondering what’s on his mind. Should i ask and find out or just walk away and forget? Why do i bother over thinking, my parents don’t like him anyways. I got grounded for lying about where i was when i was really at his house, over night, we both knew my parents did not approve of that but nothing happend. One of our friends was there, Drake. It wasn’t my idea, it was all Drake’s but Cam was okay with it too. They wanted to smoke so the only way they could is if i gave Cam money and he put it with Drake’s. After a few minutes of messaging our friend we had to walk to Josh’s house. We had the money and picked something up on the way, the boys were happy, i was just glad to be with them.
Once we got back to Cam’s place we went in his room and they smoked, i didn’t want to be involved so i stayed away and didn’t do anything. Eventually they both tried to get me to smoke with them and i just couldn’t, even if i wanted to i knew in the morning my parents would find out. But that look in his eyes makes it so hard to say no to him. Then he pulled me close, kissed me and said “You don’t have to.” at that moment all i wanted was to be wrapped up in his arms and stay there forever. I remember one thing from that night that stood out the most, he started not to feel good so i felt bad. Being the kinda girl i am of course i said “Turn around and lay down i’ll rub your back tell you feel better.” So i did, i took care of my boy like i promised i always would.
Drake fell asleep on top bunk, Cam and i on bottom. We cuddled and kissed tell we got tired but slept back to back, even at our age we know we shouldn’t sleep in the same bed but out of all of us it was the only thing that seemed normal. When morning came my parents found out where i was, my mom picked me up and then grounded me for two weeks. At the time it seemed like it was worth it, the late night talks on the phone, hanging out and having to say goodbye, all of that wasn’t what i or we wanted. Finally we didnt have to say goodbye when it got late, only goodnight. He never saw me cry even though every night i cry myself to sleep, i did at his house too. He never will but something i can’t hide from him is when i get hurt and scared, he always knows.
But now every day i have to see him and remember everything that happened between us and know it’s all gone. Another day like that will never come, it’s one of those once and a lifetime moments. Every morning he told me he loved me and every night said he missed me but the one thing i'll never forget, we both promised each other we would never break up yet we both ended it atleast twice.
My mom thought we need family time so we went to our cabin. It was minutes before midnight and I got a phone call from Jace.
"Hey Maria! Where you at?"
"My cabin, who are you with? If Cam is there don't bother talking to me." I knew he was just trying to get me back with Cam, that or get me to atleast talk to him. Jace was the one who got Cam and i together in the first place.
"Okay you caught me but come on. We’re cool come over."
"Jace you are at a party. No you’re hosting a party. You’re smoking. Goodbye."
Jace always has a tendency to call me when hes like that. His parties are the best but they get out of control. There is always a fight, not many girls go unless there boyfriend is there. The only girl who dare goes is Lydia, her and Jace are the best of friends. Almost like siblings shes always at his house.
When Jace finally stopped texting me i layed in bed and tried to fall asleep.Took about an hour before my eyes even started to close, but once i was out the phone conversation kept playing back in my mind.
Then I get a call from Josh. Well I thought it was Josh ended up being Cam.
"We need to talk come over to Jace's. I will make sure nothing happens to you just trust me."
Cam always thinks he can sweet talk me into doing anything. Whatever he wants i’ll forget about my needs and put him first, even when we're not together he wants to control me. Most the time i fall for everything he says and do whatever he needs. That’s just how much he means to me, to bad the feeling isn’t mutual.
"What do you want. I am out of town at my cabin I can't get to Jace's until next weekend."
Neither of us talked it was just dead silence, so I hung up and layed in bed. Staring up at my ceiling was the only thing that made sense anymore. Winter was never leaving so I can't go run around the block when I have a problem, punching the wall gets me nowhere but a hurt hand. Punching people, walls or anything in my reach has been my way of calming my anger lately. I get mad over the smallest things that shouldn't even make me mad, then i find myself punching whatever or whoever is in front of me. Only a few friends understand and will talk me through these situations but never my girl friends, they don't understand. Just the guys, we have this connection I can be myself around them but I can't be myself around the girls. They're all judgmental.
Something about tonight makes it impossible to sleep. So many questions run through my head. Why did Jace want me at his house? Why did Cam call? Why did Cam want me at Jace's house? None of this makes any sense to me. The next few days are gonna be rough. Family time sucks the only good part is snowmobiling, just a couple more days till I can go back home.
Light shines in through my bed side window, a cool breeze blows in as someone opens the side door of the living room. Footsteps get closer and closer to my room tell my mom is at my door frame. She has that look on her face, that disappointment look. Probably because i was up late again and she hates that.
“Foods ready, if you would like to put your phone down maybe you could join us?”
“Pass. I’m gonna go for a walk.”
Nothing disappoints her more then me, but thats my family i’m the dissapointment. Slip into some sweatpants, throw on my sweatshirt, lace up my shoes. As i open the door the cold winter breeze stings my face. My first instinct is to go back to bed but i start walking, hands in my pockets head up. Thinking about everything i have been through failing my tests, the breakup...the breakup...i don't understand. One morning everything is perfectly fine, then the next it’s all over.
As i get mader my speed increases. Until I find myself sprinting.
If he loved me why did he leave? What did i do wrong? Was i to hard on him? Question after question runs through my head, before i know it i'm at the end of my road i don't want to stop running. I keep going but into the woods. Once i have gotten so far in i can’t see the road i stop, theres a big tree in front of me, while i catch my breath i lean against it.
“Did he ever love me? That skater brown hair with dirty brown eyes. Just makes me fall in love!”
Swing around and punch! Throbbing i hold my hand close and sit on the ground, looking around i have no idea where i am. There's a trail. All the trails over here lead back to my neighbors house so i follow it. Running at full speed i end up back in my front yard at my cabin, so far my family is still inside. Sneaking in the back door nobody notices i’m home.
*ring* *ring*
Jace didn’t answer. Must still be passed out, probably with a girl cuddled up to him.
“Jace, hey it’s Maria, i was wondering if when i get back to town could i chill at your house? Text me when you get this. Thanks bye.”
Glimpsing at the time it’s only 7:00 obviously nobody at his party is awake. Laughing to myself i see there is some paper and a pencil next to me, writing has been my thing lately. As emotions build up in me the words flow out like a water fountain, they just spill onto the paper.
LIfe goes on and gets better,
It won’t be like this forever.
March 3rd, Sunday
"Mom! My clothes don't fit in my bag!" Nothing wants to fit in my nike drawstring bag, I have three minutes to be in the truck and ready to go home. After nearly throwing a tantrum I give up carry everything to the truck and throw it in. It's a two hour ride back home nothing better than staring out the window with my earbuds in, music turned up loud. Just zoning out the world, me and my thoughts. Tell my phone goes off then reality hits me in the face.
Lydia: When will you be home?
Me: I'm on my way back now.
Lydia: We gonna chill when you get here? Everyones at Emily's.
Me: She hates me. You pickin me up?
Lydia: Naw Cam & Drake will. What time works?
Me: I just getting home. Why are they getting me?
10 minutes later
Lydia: Kay they on your road see you soon.
The car ride to Emily's was quiet every few seconds Cam would try and hold my hand while Drake Inched closer and closer to me. Right as we pull on to her road Cam leans over and whispers in my ear.
"I promise I will protect you."
My heart sunk, I wonder if he still really cares or if hes just a good liar. Even though I know he can't protect me I still trust him. I slide out of the car slowly, Emily's house is like a party house everything that goes on here is almost illegal. My friends go here a lot this is my first time. As the tan-brown door opens I take one step in and smoke hits my face. Cam grabs my hand and pulls me close to him. My heart stops. We sit on a beanbag in the corner of the room.
"Are you cool with me smoking?"
He's actually asking for my permission. I want to say no but I'm happy he asked.
"Go ahead, I'll take care of you."
We both smile at each other. For awhile we hold that smile and look into one anothers eyes. Leaning closer and closer to each other, until Drake yells.
"Bro want a cig or you gonna...”
Drake runs over by us.
"Did I interrupt something here. Thought you two broke up."
Cam didn't say anything back. He looks at me for permission, nodding I watch him walk away. What just happend? I basically gave him permission to leave me I let him walk away. Lydia came over by me she didn't say anything but the look on her face said it all. She was thinking the same thing Drake was. Now so am I, i'm not sure what me and Cam are.
We stayed at Emily's till late. Drake was our ride home but his mom fell asleep so we decided to spend the night. Once Cam found out he was freaking out I wasn't sure why. But he came by me again, took my hand in his and held me close.
"Whats wrong? You look worried."
"I am. Maria, the 9th graders come at night. It's going to be harder for me to protect you with them here. But I promise nothings going to happen to you. But something might happen to me."
My heart is pounding, i'm not sure if its because I'm with him or what he just said. What does he need to protect me from and why is it going to be hard for him? As the 9th graders come in I count how many 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, how many are there. Before Cam can say anything a tall 9th grader comes by us.
"Damn Cam’s got a girl. Haha what a dick move you brought her here."
Now I see what he meant when he couldn't protect me. These guys are way bigger than us, although they don’t look strong right now. It’s about midnight and they’re stumbling. He wanted to protect me, looks like I will be protecting him. These guys don’t look to happy.
An hour goes by Cam still hasn't left my side but some of the 9th graders just started making their way toward us. Fear strikes Cam’s face somethings wrong.
"Cam! You got my money!"
"No. I'll get it to you tomorrow. "
Who shows up somewhere and yells at someone for money. Cam looks so scared I want to help, but what if I get hurt. As long as he's okay it's worth it.
"I told you by today. No money fine by me."
He swings, his fist strikes Cam right In the jaw. Then all you see is five other guys come running up behind him. No one tries to help Cam. Maybe i can say something, i’m so stupid but atleast i can try.
"Back off. What money does he owe you." His fist goes back he's going to punch him again. "If you punch him again you're dead."
"Oh yeah whos going to hurt me. You, you're a little girl." His friends start to laugh and i feel embarrassed.
One fist flys forward and I manage to grab his hand stopping him from hitting Cam. Everyones attention goes to me. As Cam gets up he pulls me back behind him. Like he's my shield. Not sure who this guy is but a rush of anger runs threw me as he makes another fist. Left hand holding Cam by the front of his shirt, right hand goes back. I turn, then all the anger inside me builds up. Before i know it he’s down, I didn't know what I did tell Cam and Drake pulled me away fast. Drake stayed with me but Cam went with Jace.
Still not sure what happened but that guy left with his friends.
"What just happened? Drake, what did I do!"
"You did some powerful kick. It was sweet! When he was about to hit Cam you sort of jumped up then turned and kicked him in the gut, he fell to the ground."
"Wheres Cam!?"
Across the room Jace is getting him ice. I run over fast I hope hes okay.His jaw is red, he’s bleeding from one punch. Before I get any closer i see a circular cut on his forehead. A picture flashes in my head, that ring, the 9th graders all had on the same ring. A round pointed ring. So when they punch it hurts way more.
"I...I didn't...."
Before I finish my sentence he pulls me Into a hug.
"It's okay. I'm going to get you out of here. Thank you so much."
No ride. We walk, Drake, Jace, Cam, Lydia and I. Cam's house is the closest he's not letting go of my hand. It's below zero and I'm not cold. My adrenaline is still rushing, my heart is beating like crazy. Once were outside his house all the lights are out, we climb in through his bedroom window.
Wasn’t long before Drake and Lydia passed out. Jace was trying to call his mom with a banana while Cam and i were sitting on his bed he was writing a note to me.
I’m sorry. You deserve a good guy i know thats not me but i tried my best. After today i can try and stay out of your life if you would like. I know there are a lot of guys at our school who like you, your "boys" like you. Give one of them a chance, they would do anything to make you happy.
“You gave up! What are you talking about you didn’t try! Stop just don’t even bother, Jace needs your help i’m going to bed.”
I felt him get off the bed and heard him leave the room. Laying there alone wasn’t what i wanted to happen. Maybe in the morning i can sneak out before anyones awake. However then i have no way home. My house is too far to walk and i can’t let my mom know where i am. When Jace and Cam come back in the room Cam slides in bed next to me then Jace slides in on the other side. Jace and i cuddle together and share a blanket. He keeps playing with my hair and taking my pillow. After about ten minutes he falls asleep. Not long after so do i.
Blinking twice i slowly wake up. Checking my phone for the time 10:38. Cam has his arm around me Jace is playing video games with Drake. Lydia must have gone home already because she isn’t here anymore. Pushing Cam’s arm away from me I ask Drake for a ride home. Within 20 minutes his mom picks us up, i’m home before eleven my mom never knew i was gone. Looking in the mirror i remember i probably smell like smoke. Grabbed some new clothes and took a shower i was dressed and ready before noon.
My phone is somewhere in my room i hear it going off but where is it. Finally i find it and answer the call.
“Maria, hi it’s mom. You didn’t come upstairs this morning and i was in a rush. Called you in sick don’t worry about school.”
“Thanks mom, yeah i’m not feeling good. Just got up to eat going back to bed. Bye.”
“Have a good day, bye.”
Forgot it's Monday. Thank god mom didn’t come down stairs. No wonder Lydia wasn’t there when i woke up she went to school. Must have walked we were close enough. But if she tells anyone i spent the night at Cam’s last night my moms going to find out. Word spreads fast around here. I’ll shoot her a quick text then go back to sleep.
Me: Hey Lydia don’t tell anyone where i was last night. If my mom finds out i’m dead!
Lydia: No worries hadn’t planned on saying anything. Are you still there?
Me: No Drake took me home at eleven. To tired to go to school though.
Lydia: Understood. Well see you tomorrow then i gotta get to my next class.
March 7th, Thursday
Haven't heard from Cam in a few days. We pass by in the halls but don’t say anything. I guess all feelings are finally gone.
On my way to third hour i see Karlie. She is my absolute best friend!
“Karlie! Oh my gosh girl i missed you!” Karlie just got back from Florida she went to go visit her grandparents.
“I missed you too! Sorry about you and Cam. How you holdin up?”
“Pretty good don’t tell anyone but i spent the night at his house Sunday with some other friends. I skipped school Monday.”
“Bad girl where you goin now? You're leaving already?” My jacket was on and i had my backpack with me. She knew i wasn’t staying at school.
“Yeah. Just not feeling it today It’s been hard seeing Cam. We haven't talked since i was at his house.”
“Damn! Well i should be getting to class text me tonight if you get the chance. Ice cream and a movie is perfect for heartbreak!”
Mom picked me up then dropped me off at home. She still had to work so i was alone. The only thing i feel like doing right now is writing. I grab my notebook and a pencil. Then get comfortable on the couch. Got my pants off big T-shirt on. Musics on soft, but everything is loud to me. My brain is empty i don’t know what to write. Trying to brainstorm what to write when nothings going on in my life is hard. *click* *click* Music gets louder my energy gets higher. Vibration on my leg, i got a facebook message. What do you know it’s Cam what could he want. He blocked me on facebook a week ago, now he wants to message me.
Cam: Sorry, but i’m not sorry for blocking you….I just couldn’t hold anymore bullshit people said. I’m pretty sure you’ve moved on and so did i. Thanks for everything and goodbye. Thats all.
Me: I haven't moved on yet but you're happier without me so it’s okay. I still like you...but its fine that you blocked me to be honest i got sad when i would see your name.
Cam: Yeah. I know same here.
Me: I guess i am kind of happier without you i can be myself now.
Cam: You were never you when we dated. That's all i ever wanted was for you to be you, a normal relationship, but you just admitted you were never yourself. You always tried to be someone else and you tried to make someone else happy besides yourself.
Me: I was happy and myself until Ally came into it then i felt like it was a competition to see who got you and she was way better then me and prettier like really she is but then i just tried to impress you and i failed.
Cam: Yea well Ally hates me now anyways. But i'm with a better person, someone that actually cares.
Me: Oh who?
Cam: Dakota. She’s a 9th grader.
Me: Cool i hope you two are happy. Well i have homework to do bye.
Cam: Okay bye.
That ruined my night. Atleast i know what to write about now. Take my anger out that way. If i’m even angry, more of a angry and sad mood. He just wasted my time. I was starting to get over him and be happy then he had to message me. Tomorrow doesn’t sound like a good day to me. Seeing him with his new girl will be too hard for me. Maybe my mom will let me skip, if i tell her i’m sick she will. As if my grades matter right now i have five A’s and two B’s i think i’m okay to miss one day. There aren't any tests, so why does it matter. Good thing it’s not up to my dad i could just see him yelling “hell no get your ass to school!” Haha! Some parents these days, they just don’t understand when there kid needs a day off. School is just a social hell, all that happens is bullying and drama nothing new. The day something different happens at school i will jump for joy. But i know that won’t happen. Oh! I just got the best idea of what i’m going to write, it’s not really a poem it doesn’t rhyme. Well i’m not sure what it is but it sounds good to me.
When love is gone, the heart is broke.
When you cry, your mind is lost.
If you leave, I’ll move on.
If I walk away, you won’t get me back.
Today you message me, i broke down.
Later i respond, all the feelings are gone.
Slowly they come back, but i already lost.
You say you got a girl, I try to be happy.
I see you in the halls, you look away.
Talking in class is rough, theres no emotions left.
Could i tell you, would you agree.
There is still love, between you and me.
March 8th, Friday
Walking into school alone feels like the end of the world. Up the two flights of stairs and his lockers right there. Cam's with his girlfriend and he looks happier then ever. We don't even look at each other. No doubt in my mind he forgot who I am. I missed a test yesterday when I went home. Now I have to make it up second hour during my study hall. Of course the test has to be for English now I have to go in Cam’s class. Right when I walk in he looks at me, my eyes look down i'm as shy as can be. In school I'm not much of a talker I would rather just watch. When the teacher, Mrs.Sammy, hands me my test I ask
"May I go in the hall?" My voice is cracky and quiet. Feeling like everyones watching me.
"No, you can sit at that table."
Everyone watches me take my seat. I try to keep my head down so nobody notices me. While the class grabs laptops Mrs. Sammy steps out Into the hall with a student. Cam, Drake and Adam come by me. Adam and Drake just mess around and take some gum. Cam talks to me but I just nod and smile. Mrs. Sammy then yells at me for talking during my test. It's nearly impossible for me to concentrate now. He is the only thing on my mind. As the bell rings everyone leaves quickly.
This school gets worse and worse everyday. All i want is for one of my parents to move so i can get away from here. My next class is science with Karlie. I’m so glad i can see her i really need her right now.
In the hall Karlie comes running up to me. We hug then she tells me Damian asked her out. Damian is my ex-boyfriend from last year me and him are still really good friends we hung out all summer but haven’t talked since then.
“Omg! Yeah he came up to me in the hall before last hour and he’s like would you go out with me, now of course it sounded better when he said it but i said yes!” She is super happy i can’t stop laughing. I’m happy for her. Damian is a nice guy, he’s in football and he’s a skater. He is pretty strong to. Over the summer Damian, Karlie, Andrew and I were always biking to each others houses. Mostly mine because it’s the biggest but no matter where we were it was always us four and we had a blast. But once summer was over we all slipped apart except for Karlie and Damian. We all have science together and some how were all at the same table.
The bell rings Karlie and I are late for class. We start running down the hall. As we burst into Mr. Stevenson's classroom we yell.
“Were here!”
He was not pleased with us. “Take your seat girls, thats a tardy for both of you.”
Laughing, the class takes their seats. I watch Damian and Karlie exchange looks the whole class. When it’s time to partner up for lab Karlie goes with Damian and i’m stuck alone. Until Andrew asks if i would be his partner, i didn’t have much of a choice so i said yes. It was fun being his partner, every few seconds he would come up with the funniest joke ever. Someone walks past us and coughs ‘quit flirting’. Andrew’s face turns red, i look at the ground. Don’t get me wrong he is smoking hot but i never thought about him anymore then a friend. Now i guess i kind of am.
“Hey i was wondering if sense Damian is taking Karlie to the movies if you would...I don’t know..umm would you want to go with me maybe?” So maybe he sees me as more than a friend. I could see him as more if i gave him the chance but what about Cam, he moved on i should to.
“I would love to go to the movies with you. Will we all walk after school?” I knew thats what Karlie was doing i only assumed Damian was to.
“Yeah, i’ll meet you by your locker.” A smile runs across his face. Not one hundred percent sure but i think a smile appeared on my face too.
“Maria and Andrew if you are done having your conversation i am trying to teach a class here!” It was hard not to laugh Mr. Stevenson never yells.
After class Andrew walked me to my locker, as we passed by Cam he gave us a look. Andrew flipped him off. A little giggle might have slipped out my mouth. Cam looked like he was about to come attack Andrew but Dakota pulled him back. I have never seen him get jealous.
After school Damian and Karlie meet Andrew and I by the front doors of the school. While we are walking Damian grabs Karlie’s hand, catching her off guard but i see her smiling. Every few seconds i see Andrew look down at our hands, we haven’t left the school parking lot yet and he finally takes my hand in his. Unaware that Cam, Jace, Drake, Josh and Adam are following us we walk to the theater. With only about a block left to walk we now notice we’re being followed.
“Hey Andrew get your hand away from my girl! Or i’ll move it for you.” He wasn’t joking when we didn’t let go of each other Cam came running up. Next thing you know they are on the ground punching each other.
“Damian stop them! Cam get off of him you have a girlfriend and it’s not me.” Andrew threw one last punch and hit Cam right in the face. They both get up i think Andrew is going to have a black eye. “Cam get out of here. Go find Dakota were just going to the movies calm down. I will text you later and we can talk about whatever the hell just happened. Goodbye.”
Approaching the theater i stop Andrew. Rubbing my thumb under his eye to make sure it’s okay i kiss his cheek. I have never seen him smile so much, that moment changed everything between me and him. During the movie we all laughed and joked around. We did a little bit more of throwing popcorn then watching the movie. But thats okay it was still one of the best moments of my life.
Each of us called our parents after the movie to see if we could spend the night at Damian’s. Andrew and Karlie’s parents didn’t care. As for my mom it was a little harder to convince her that it was okay to spend the night at a boys house. That she hasn't seen seen or talked to since summer. She gave in after i told her we were already walking there. Approaching the door two black labs come running toward us. They were chained to the porch but Karlie and I still got scared. Both were girls, Bella and Echo. One was Damian’s the other was his sisters.
Being the guys they are all they wanted to do was play video games. Karlie sat on the couch with Damian, his arm was wrapped around her and she kept trying to mess him up. I sat on the ground next to Andrew holding some ice on his eye to take the swelling down. He wasn’t real focused on the game, but since Karlie was distracting Damian he wasn’t focused either. Around midnight Damian’s mom said it was time to turn the tv off and go in his room. Right as we sat on his bed my phone went off, Jace text me.
Jace: It’s Cam what the hell happened today!?
Me: You got jealous and over reacted.
Jace: No I thought there was still something between us but apparently not.
Me: Cam you have a girlfriend! You are the one who said there is nothing between us anymore. Don’t blame this on me.
Jace: Whatever. Go have fun with your new boy toy. See how he feels when i win you back.
Me: I am not dating him and he is not my boy toy. At least he wouldn’t cheat on me like someone did.
Jace: That was an accident!
Me: Sure your lips accidentally hit Ambers lips. I have to go it’s late, bye.
Jace: I’m sorry. But okay bye.
Karlie and I convinced the boys to sleep on the floor and we got the bed. But they took all the pillows so we had none. Once Karlie gave Damian the puppy eyes he gave her a pillow. It was big enough for me and her to share.
It was noon when Damian’s sister came in the room to wake us up. None of us wanted to get out of bed let alone wake up. Then we smelt bacon and it was a mad dash for the kitchen. Not a surprize Damian wipes out on the tile and hits his head on the counter. He has always been a clutz ever since fifth grade. It’s sad that i don’t have any plans on a Saturday. Lydia is grounded and Karlie has her sisters birthday party. I decide to walk home to waste more time. On the way i stop for ice cream and take a walk through the park. Snow is finally starting to melt away but it’s still very cold out. Most of the river is frozen, it hasn’t started to melt yet.
At about noon i get close to my house and i see Adam walking.
“Adam! What’s up?” He lives close but why would he be walking alone.
“Hey Maria. I’m going to Jace’s want to come. Cam is there though.”
“I would love to but i think i’m going to pass. Haha! Have fun.”
Adam is probably the nicest guy out of there group. At school everyone calls them the druggies. If you date or associate with them you are automatically branded as a druggie as well. Which means because i dated Cam everyone thinks i do drugs also. But i haven’t, a few times the guys have tried to get me to smoke with them but it just doesn’t seem like something i would do. There are times that i want to but i always say no, sometimes i wish it was that easy with boys. Mom always told me “boys are like drugs, just say no.” at the time i found it very funny, now i know what she meant.
It is about 12:30 when i get home. Kevin, my step dad, has hamburgers on the grill. Sarah, my twelve year old sister, has a friend over and Grant, my four year old brother, is playing with his trucks. Doesn’t look like mom is home and i have nothing to do. Grant loves when i play horsey with him. I get down on my hands and knees and he crawls on my back. We go around the living room then in the kitchen, once and awhile i sit up and make him fall off. He laughs so hard at that, it is so cute when he laughs. Grant always makes me smile. He is the light to my day. When i go back and forth between my moms and dads house Sarah comes with me but Grant does not. He is my half brother, same mom but Kevin is his dad. I don’t like my dads house much so i try not to go there, sometimes i stay at friends houses when i am supposed to be with him. But most the time i stay at my moms, she doesn’t mind and neither do i.
March 11th, Monday
Smiling like crazy, I read the text over and over.
Andrew: Good morning beautiful!
The perfect morning leads to a perfect day. Pancakes for breakfast with ice cold milk. My favorite cousin Riley picked me up in his truck for school. Everyone was jealous of my ride to school, but the best part was seeing Andrew. He carried my books from class to class. Held my hand in the hall. Monday was going great until gym. Cam is in my gym so is Adam and Drake.
Our classes are in the volleyball unit. My team is Amber, Penny, Hillery and I. In the first game we play against a 9th grade team. The second game of course we play against Cam, Drake, Adam and Trent. Since none of them know what they are doing my team won by a landslide. Adam of course took advantage of the fact that the girls are wearing yogas. Whenever he could he would make one of us turn around. As for the rest of my gym class my team won eight out of ten games. We took 4th place in our class.
With only a few more classes to go my day got better. Last hour Jace asked if I would go to his house after school.
"Come over Cam won't be there. Just you, me and Jake."
"Okay. I'll ride the bus home with you then.”
"Ight meet by my locker."
A buzz ran threw the school. Students ran to there locker to get out of here. Jake and I meet up at Jace's locker. Mom thinks I'm going to track practice then Adam is walking me home. When I get home I can just tell mom practice ran long and Adam had to get home. Once we are at Jace's it's a mad dash for the couch. Whoever gets the controllers first gets to play Ps3. Of course it takes forever to take off my fluffy boots and they just have to kick off their skater shoes. I never play first so I make pizza.
After playing video games for 3 hours I realize I was supposed to be home an hour ago. The guys turn the tv off and shut up so I can call mom.
"Mom...hey sorry I am on my way home now practice ran late then I got in trouble and had to run extra laps."
"Thats okay come home now dinner is ready. Would Adam like to eat at our house?"
"He had to go home before practice ended I called up Jace earlier him and Jake are with me and walking me home be there soon. Bye." I hung up quick before she could question me.
It takes half hour to walk home from Jace's but forty five from school. On the way we stop for ice cream. Then mom lets them stay for dinner and we drive them home at seven. Right now I could really go for a warm bath. While the water is running I call up Josh. I'm pretty sure Lydia said Cam is going to his house today.
"Josh is Cam with you?"
"Yeah but he got drunk and passed out at six. Him and Dakota broke up so he had a few too many. Haha!"
"Oh okay let him know I called."
Of course he was passed out already. But how come no one else told me they broke up. I wonder if he likes me again or if I even still like him. By the time the bath is ready I have three miss texts.
Josh: Hey it's Cam I heard you called.
Josh: If you want to talk text me.
Josh: Okay ignore me thanks.
Me: Hey just wanted to say hi. Josh said you and Dakota broke up.
Josh: Oh yeah but that was no big deal. I like someone else anyways.
Me: That's cool well im about to take a bath see you tomorrow.
After my bath I decided going for a run sounds nice. To bad I didn't go out for distance in track I love to run. Although I don't seem to be very fast. As the sun sets a beautiful full moon rises into the night. It seems so close I could almost touch it yet it's so far away. Seems to be like everything else in my life.
Mark is a 9th grader, he has been like a brother to me ever since we collided in the halls at the beginning of the year. I helped him pick up his papers then his friend pushed us into an unexpected hug. Turns out now, almost the end of the year, he likes me. But I don't know what to do he has always been there for me but when the worst happens I push him away. Okay maybe I'm starting to over think again.
My run was great! When I got home everyone was sleeping I figured I should to but I go to my dad's tomorrow. If I'm not tired when I get there then I have to listen to him yell at me. We never get along. Not once do we see eye to eye. We both always want it our way but can't agree and meet in the middle. Here I go again over thinking. Maybe it's best I just write. In school i’ll get bored or mad and it’s not like i can punch the teacher so i write. Sometimes i want to cry but crying isn’t my thing so i write. Everything leads to me writing no matter what i’m feeling i end up writing. No matter who it’s about i just write, it’s my answer to everything.
He's always there
He always cares
Just go away
Just let me go
I wanna be alone
I wanna be hurt
You have that smile
You make me laugh
Even though my hearts In half
Even you can't fix that
Yet one hug
Yet three words
Fixed it all
Fixed my heart
Mark is a great friend I would never want to lose. But I could never see us as more than friends. We just have that unchangeable friendship. Nothing could break us apart. That's what's so amazing about him no matter what we will be friends. The world could be ending and I would be laughing and joking around with Mark. Not a care in the world just havin fun. It doesn't kill me to have a big brother especially since my parents like him. The only thing I'm afraid of is that he will ask me out. Of course I don't want to hurt him and were too close to date. Dad doesn't let me date anyways. Like that stopped me before but it's a good reason now. As if dad and I need another reason to fight. It's bad enough as it is all we ever do is fight. I guess sometimes it comes out to be a win for me in the end though. If it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t have started writing. Him being tough on me made me realize i wasn’t good enough so i had to prove i was. Maybe not everything i write is about heart breaks either, sometimes i write about my dad. But then it’s hard to hide what i write because he would get mad if he found out. If he ever finds this one i will be in big trouble.
All the yelling
Just to much fighting.
I go running
Of course i’m hiding.
Under my bed
That’s where you’ll find me.
Curled up in a ball
Already crying.
Hurting my head
Wishing i was dead.
My life gets worse
But you come first.
I’ve been strong
Maybe a little to long.
Going to bed sounds good about now, to bad i’m not tired. Falling asleep doesn’t even sound remotely good. Even though it’s like 11 o’clock. Maybe my friends are still up but i don’t want to wake them if they aren’t. To bad it took me until now to remember. Our english papers are due tomorrow for Mrs. Sammy. Sucks for her cause i don’t care enough to write it. If i feel like it maybe i will work on it tomorrow or not whatever. It’s not like it really matters. All it does is determine some classes for 9th grade, big whoop. Then I hear it, foot steps. Mom is coming! Oh boy am I in trouble. Awake at one in the morning, on a school night.
"Maria! Go to bed! Now!"
Yup she is definitely mad. No beyond mad she's pissed off. Once I finally fall asleep I start to dream.
Dreaming about what my life would be like if my parents were together. Never have I ever thought about this. To me my life is fine the way it is no need for change. But if my parents were together maybe I wouldn't have made the mistakes I did. Sometimes i wonder if life would be easier if my parents were together, even if they fight. At least i wouldn’t have to deal with not having something. Then i remember even if i would be happier with them together they would be miserable. I don’t want that for my parents i can handle it for myself, but not for them.
March 12th, Tuesday
These days school isn’t so great. It’s harder to walk the halls, as more and more drama occurs. Some days it feels like everyones eyes are on me. Like i’m the center of attention. That i know of i haven’t done anything wrong, but then i realize nobody is even watching me. It’s all in my head. I gotta quit worrying about what others think and just relax.
Out of no where i see him, Cam. Over the weekend i thought i heard he got suspended. But of course just like everything else it’s all in my head. I wish i could get away from him that easily, but nope and now he’s coming my way.
“Hey, you wanna skip school? Don’t look like you wanna be here anyways.” My face went blank. Is this really something i wanna do leave with him he could get in trouble for truancy. Being the bad girl for one day couldn’t kill me. As if he’s stupid enough to have us just walk the streets where we can get caught.
“Sure i’m in. No funny business. Where we goin?”
“My house it’s just down the road if you don’t remember. My mom won’t care if i ditch school.”
“Alright. Lead the way.” Some how a smile appeared on my face. Looking down i find his fingers interlocked in mine. I’m not pulling away, i like how it feels to be with him again. Or be by him i’m not even sure anymore. The moment is right i’ll just play along.
While we walk he keeps pulling me closer. I know it’s wrong but it feels so right. His house is right in front of us.
“Ladies first.” I look at him curiously. “Don’t worry no one is home.” He read my mind. Not a surprize he was always good at that. Now that i’m here i kind of regret skipping school. Grabbing some snow i hit him then run inside. He smiles from ear to ear, i never seen him so happy, he chases me inside. Trying to hide behind a pillow he tickles me and i can’t help but laugh. I love every moment i’m with him. Time stops and my heart falls, not to the ground but in his hands. All thoughts in my head are gone i’m not thinking. Just living life the way i want to. It feels like forever before it’s even noon. There isn’t any snacks and he doesn’t know how to cook. My expertise are slim. Therefore our lunch is pancakes.
While we’re cooking he stands behind me. Keeping his arms wrapped around me and chin on my right shoulder. Being the kids we are i take some of the pancake batter and put it on his nose. He laughs like crazy, so do i. This moment, this day, right here, right now, i don’t ever want it to end. There is no way i’m going to be able to leave. Then he whispers in my ear.
“You’re acting strong but your eyes show all your fear.”My face goes blank, i drop the spoon in my hand. As it hits the ground tears start to fall. Cam doesn’t know what to do, pulling me into a hug i feel safe. Only he didn’t know if he was helping or not, he’s never seen me cry. I don’t think he even knew i cried. Nothing seemed like a dream anymore i knew it was all true. “Come here. It’s been forever since you kissed me.”
Laughing he pulls me close. School ends in five minutes. Which means our perfect day has to come to an end. Until i remember mom thinks i’m going to practice after school. That gives us another two hours to be together. His lips stay on mine like we're glued together. Everything seems so magical, then he lifts me up against the wall. As we kiss i smile a giggle even slips out. Perfect it’s just perfect. I don’t want to leave. Amber was right i needed to go to practice today, i almost got kicked off of track because i never go to practice and don’t act like i’m part of the team. Coach thought i didn’t deserve to be on the team if i wasn’t with the team. Then she gave me 3 chances now i just blew one for a boy.
Crash! We knocked something over. Neither of us bothered to see what it was, but obviously it’s glass and now it’s broken. If that was supposed to be a sign that this, Cam and i, isn’t right we don’t care. Clock shows 4:30 mom is picking me up at 5:00 at school. We broke a picture off the wall but he doesn’t seem to care. One last kiss and i’m out the door. Jogging back to school when i turn around he yells.
“Sit by me at lunch tomorrow!”
I might have fallen for him all over again. This might not be good but on the other hand this could be very good. I guess i’m going to have to wait and see. See if this is meant to be, or if he’s just playing me.
Mom isn’t here yet i have time to sneak inside so she thinks i was really here. Amber runs over to me. Throws her arms around me and squeezes me tight, somethin tells me she missed me today. Out of the corner of my eye i see Andrew. He looks hurt, not broken hearted like in pain. Two other guys have their arms wrapped around him to hold him up. What could have happened, he’s not in track. An ambulance comes rushing up. Andrew passes out. “No! Andrew!” The guys try and hold him up, they lower him to the ground carefully. Running at full speed i slide down next to him on the ground. “What happened?”
The shorter guy looks at me. “We were at open gym, then some 9th graders came in and beat him up. He got the wind knocked out of him and his leg is broke. His breathing is off probably from how hard he hit his head or when they punched him in the chest.”
“Who did this? I’m going with to the hospital.” No one told me who but it didn’t seem like anyone knew who. Both the boys stayed back, the gym teacher had to come with. Once we get to the hospital he is rushed out. It’s so hard to watch him be taken away i want to go with. Half hour later i see his dad come rushing in. Some how i had to calm him down. “Hi i’m not sure if you remember me i’m Andrews friend Maria. He’s going to be okay i know he will, he’s a tough kid. Would you like to sit with me?” Tears rush out of his eyes, he’s scared. If something happened to my son and i didn't know who did it i would be worried to. We sit together and he holds my hand. I’m trying to be as comforting as i can trying to keep him thinking positive.
After about an hour the doctor comes out to talk to us. Andrew still isn’t awake but we could go in by him now. Some paper work had to be filled out but his dad let me go see him while that was being done.
Walking into the room i see all the cords and hearing different things beeping. At first i’m kind of scared, but what matters right now is that i stay strong for Andrew and his dad. I seen in movies when someone was in the hospital their friend would sit next to their bed hold their hand and talk to them. Thats exactly what i do, pull a chair close enough to sit on and hold his hand. He can probably hear me so i want to talk to him.
“Andrew, hey it’s Maria. I’m here for you i’m taking care of your dad he’s holding up pretty good. We are both really worried about you but it’s okay, you’re going to be okay. I just know it. When you’re ready wake up i’ll be right here waiting to see your wonderful smile.” His dad doesn’t come in for about another 20 minutes but when he finally does he bursts out in tears again. Still not letting go of Andrews hand i tell his father everything will be okay. Closing my eyes i pray for Andrew to be okay. Please Andrew wake up i need you here with me.
Cops come into the room asking to speak to Andrew’s dad. My heart starts racing. Someone did this to Andrew on purpose. They wanted him hurt. This was all planned and i want to know who did it. Five more cops walk in, each with a student from my school in handcuffs. When i see who the boys are my mouth drops open. The first two cops have Jace and Cam in cuffs, no way was Cam part of this he was with me. Next three cops have Jake, Tyler, and Ray all 9th graders from my school. Cam looks right at me. No sympathy in his eyes no emotion at all. Letting go of Andrews hand is the hardest thing i have ever done but i need to confront Cam on this. This had to have all been planned.
“Did you do this? Is this why we spent the day together you had this all planned all along. Your sick this is just sad!”
“Maria it’s not what you think. I said i wanted him to pay for taking you away from me they told me they had it under control. I never imagined it would come to this. I’m sorry.” The cops pull them all to the side by Andrews dad. Ray and Tyler get in alot of fights they are really strong. I need to go back by Andrew, i miss him already. When i look at the room i see there is a nurse in there. His breathing is back to normal! I’m so happy he’s going to be okay. Taking his hand in mine again i see his eyes start to open. He looks around then at me. “Maria, it was…”
“I know. Don’t worry i’m going to take care of it.” So far he hasn’t pulled his hand away from mine. Kind of glad he hasn’t. “I’m going to go get your dad and let him know your wake.” His dad sees and starts going into the room. My destination is set on Cam and figuring out what's going on with them. The officer tells me exactly what’s going to happen.
“All five of these boys will be put on probation and fined. Andrew’s father doesn’t want any of them to go to juvi.”
“Wait but Cam wasn’t part of this he was with me when this all happened.” Unless this really was all planned and Cam wanted to hurt Andrew. Looking right at Cam i tell him, “You deserve all of this. Go to hell.” I can see Andrew looking at me. Making my way back over by him i get a phone call, it’s mom.
“Hey mom i’m at the hospital Andrew got hurt bad i’m spending the night here. See you tomorrow don’t worry about me Andrew’s dad is here.”
“Oh alright honey, let me know what happens tomorrow. Be safe bye.”
Andrew reaches his hand out for mine. Grabbing his hand i lay next to him on the bed. The nurse says he is alright to go home, he has a cast on his leg and crutches for at school. Lucky duck gets to use the elevator but he says his head hurts pretty bad. Some how i want to help but i don’t know how i can do that. His dad lets me sleep in Andrews room incase he needs anything i’m there to take care of him. It’s hard for him to fall asleep because his head hurts so just like when i was a kid and i couldn’t sleep i sing him a lullaby. Then he’s out within minutes. Being responsible i sleep on the ground.
Around midnight Andrew wakes up he can’t sleep. Taking a look at his tv i see he has a playstation. Seems like something to pass time with, handing him the controller he laughs and points to the games. Never imagined playing video games at midnight on a school night would be so fun. All though anything at anytime with Andrew is fun.
We play for about an hour then he gets tired again. But this time he insists i sleep on the bed with him.
“The floor is way too uncomfortable. You need a good sleep there is school tomorrow.” At this early in the morning i wasn’t about to argue with him. Crawling in next to him he covered me up with the blanket. Surprising me he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. Laying my head on his chest i fall asleep. Hoping morning never comes i sleep with a smile on my face.
March 13th, Wednesday
Your evil has shown, sadly you’re not alone.
Innocent doesn’t describe you.
I fell for your trick, went along with your plan.
But he got hurt, when it should've been you.
Don’t try to lie.
I just want you to die.
Goodbye
Live to have fun
Laugh to remember
Drink to forget
Always and Forever
March 14th, Thursday
School has been okay. Lunch is boring until Jace throws a paper airplane at me. At first i was mad until he said read it. Once i got it unfolded it read,
Meet Lydia in the girls bathroom after lunch.
It’s about Cam, she has questions.
Don’t be late
~Jace
Because spring break starts after school tomorrow the guys involved in Andrews pain aren’t suspended until after break. Lunch is ending and i see Lydia talking to Cam. She waves at me then points down the hall to the bathroom. Jace wasn’t joking when he said she wanted to talk. Well it doesn’t hurt to talk to her. A few questions can’t be bad what's the worst thing that could happen. The least i could do is give her a chance and hear what questions Cam has. When i see her enter the bathroom i follow.
“Hey Lydia! Do i want to know what these questions are?”
“Yes, Cam wants to know if your single or if your with Andrew. He also wants you to know he wasn’t part of the Andrew thing.”
“I’m single, not that he has much of a chance anymore. Any other questions?”
“Yeah are you at your moms the rest of the week?”
“Yes. But Saturday night some family from out of town is coming to visit. It’s my Minnesota side of the family.”
“That’s cool! Well just one more question, do you still like Cam? I’m just wondering that wasn’t one of his questions.”
“I don’t know, after what took place Tuesday i see him in a totally different way now. He is definitely not the guy i thought he was.”
“Oh well everyone deserves a second chance. If you give him the time to explain i bet he would tell you everything he knows.”
*Buzz*
“Great now were late for class! I got to go before i get in more trouble. Bye.”
“Give Cam a chance! Bye.”
Jace and Josh told the teacher my locker was jammed. Thank god because i don’t need another tardy. 20 minutes to the end of class and Cam comes in saying Mrs. Hamish needs me for the rest of the hour. No idea what she could need me for i only have her for first hour and that’s sewing not an important class. As we step into the hall he smiles who knows why.
“I have Mrs. Hamish for study hall this hour and she has a substitute.I told her you had study hall this hour and that you are my partner for a science project.”
Well great we’re lying to teachers now. For the rest of the hour i helped him with all his homework but avoided eye contact and didn’t talk to him just shook my head. He should be happy i even came, not like i wanted to once i knew where we were going. I watch the clock waiting anxiously for the bell to ring. It’s starting to feel like it never will. Once it finally does i’m out of that room as fast as i can. Only a couple more classes till the day is done. Not sure if i’m excited or not. I’m excited to get out of school but Lydia made it sound like something was going to happen after school. Or maybe something will happen tomorrow. Everything is just too confusing. The final bell rings. After i get my stuff i wait for mom to pick me up. While i watch for her car i see Andrew’s dad pull up he must be picking up Andrew.
“Boo!” Phone goes flying.
“Shit! Andrew you scared me!” I playfully hit him as we both laugh. Good thing my phone didn’t break or mom would kill me. His dad is nice and waves to me. Part of me feels like it’s my fault he got hurt. Then mom comes speeding in it’s hard not to laugh because she splashes some of the preps when she drives by. Seeing each of them scream and throw a fit was probably the highlight of my day. They act as if it’s the end of the world to get a little wet. As if they haven’t been before.
When we approach the house mom tells me Sarah went to my dads and i have to babysit tonight. It’s date night for her and Kevin. That's fine by me as long as at some point I can get my homework done. But I probably won't even bother to do it. Mom and Kevin leave around five, Grant wants to watch his shows. Right after they leave and I get Grant's shows on I go change. When I'm home alone or with Grant I love to wear a sweatshirt and panties. I find it to be more comfortable. Of course I keep a pair of spandex upstairs though. Just in case they come home early. Grant is already yelling at me to put another show on for him. Then I hear a knock at the door. As I go to see who it is I throw my shorts on the chair by the door. I'm to lazy to put them on yet. When I open the door it's Cam, standing right there right in front of me. He has flowers.
"What are you doing here? What's with the flowers?"
"There for you and I need to talk to you. But maybe you should get some pants on." He points down showing he has seen I'm pants less. As I throw on my spandex I take the flowers into the kitchen. They need water otherwise they will die. "Let me explain about the Andrew thing. I wasn't part of it you know that. I was with you!"
"But you got in trouble the cops don't lie. I don't know what to believe."
"Are you single well yeah I know you are. Would you go back out with me? Come with me bring Grant lets just leave."
"No I won't go out with you not after what you did to Andrew. No way would I leave with you that doesn't even sound a bit safe. Just leave. Goodbye."
I close the door before he has the chance to say anything else. But part of me is hurt. So I open the door and run down the driveway until I reach him. Stoping him with a turn no words are said. Within a few minutes we are kissing. His fingers trace my cheek making shivers run through my body, like I'm an ice cube. Without much thought I let him pull me closer to him. His hands are on my hips holding me tight. Our lips are inseparable. His hands go up to my waist. Grips my shirt tight, then I push back.
"No you hurt Andrew! Leave I can't do this."
How did I let myself slip this far. Why did I even go after him I left Grant by himself. Grant! I totally forgot he's still inside. Sprinting inside I find him sitting by the door with the tv remote. He is so adorable it makes me laugh. As he stares at me with his big blue eyes I know everything is going to be alright.
Grant and I are home alone most the night. Mom calls at midnight to let me know they are almost home. I had already been sleeping so had Grant but she woke us both up. God my mother can be a pain in the ass. If only she knew what I go threw. But there is no way I could tell her she would never understand. That's just how parents are, they don't understand the teenage mind. Especially dads! They think their daughter will always be their baby girl. One day they will learn she's not a baby anymore. My dad on the other hand just pisses me off. Never gives me the freedom i deserve. He thinks i will always be a baby. No way, i’m grown up he just doesn’t see it.
In the next few hours it was impossible to get any sleep. Mom Mom and Kevin came home. I'm atleast able to sleep sleepin my bed instead of the couch. Although as I layed down i heard something. It's so late who is still up. Someone is outside my door, being the girl I am i'm terrified. I throw my blanket over my head In fear. As the door slides open i take the blankets off my head, it's some guys from school. Jace, Josh and Cam were standing right in front of me. In shorts and sweatshirts i can tell they have no where to go.
"Nice to see you guys. I don't want to know how you got in but please come warm up. You guys look frozen, the heater blanket is on jump in.”
Josh and Jace jumped in right away it was obvious Cam didn’t know what to do. I kinda like how he’s shy, never seen him like this before. Maybe if he knew how much i still think about him it wouldn’t be so bad right now. But all i really want is to be by him, have him close to my like before as if nothing ever went wrong. To bad everything did go wrong. Once the guys warm up i start to make Josh and Cam each a bed on the floor, Jace decided to sleep in my bed with me. Jace is the first to fall asleep then Cam and Josh. I stayed up talking to my big brother, Ashton, one could say he is. In reality he’s just a friend and he’s a couple months younger but all my life i wanted a big brother and he has been like one to me. Last summer our friends decided for us that we should date since we already spent everyday together. It didn’t last long until we realized we were more like family then a couple. Even after then we stayed the same, the break up didn’t change us at all. These days i hear his friends saying he likes me again and we find ourselves flirting when we talk or text. Ashton has always played a big part in my life but my heart doesn’t know what it wants. Part of me wants to give Ashton a chance but i also still have feelings for Cam, I just wish i knew what to do.
Around one in the morning i hear one of the guys on the phone.
“Don’t worry it’s cool, we went to Maria’s. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
It was Josh. Who could he be talking to at this early in the morning.
“Hey Josh what’s going on?”
“Hey sorry i didn’t mean to wake you. Drake called to make sure we had a place to go, we were at his house then we got kicked out.”
“Oh yeah no problem but if you don’t let me get my sleep you won’t have a place to go again. Haha!”
“Ha okay night.”
My phone goes off at three waking me up. Nobody else heard it but i was mad someone found it important to wake me up this early.
Ashton: Will you go out with me?
Me: I don’t think i’m ready for that yet, by the way thanks for waking me up.
Ashton: Oh i’m sorry i just had to ask. But it’s okay i didn’t think you would say yes anyways. Do you like me though?
Me: Yeah i kind of do.
Ashton: That’s good enough for me. I’ll let you get your beauty sleep, goodnight beautiful.
Me: Night big bro!
March 15th, Friday
Mom laughed when i told her the guys came over last night then she made us pancakes for breakfast. Jace slept in till the last minute and Cam was first up.
On the way to school Cam copied down my answers to the math homework while Josh copied down my english homework. I think they are way too smart for that but then again what do i know. These guys are so sweet today, they carried my backpack into school and even opened my locker for me. Well almost sweet, Cam didn’t even walk in with us he went in a different door. Took a while to figure out why but i was heartbroken when i saw him with Dakota. What does she have that i don’t? Is she that great that he can just let me die inside. The only time i even exist to him is when he needs something. But wait, he just walked away from her. So far she hasn’t moved. Then i see it, she’s crying. Part of me is happy but i know i should talk to her. Theres nothing to say yet there is everything to say.
“Hey Dakota. Cam brake up with you?” As she continues to cry she nods her head. “He’s not worth your tears. No guy is, look at the good in this now you don’t have to please him every day.” Not much else to say so i left it at that and went to class.
With a stop near Cams locker i see him with Ally. From one girl to another what a surprize. After second hour i see Mrs. Sammy talking to the principal. When i see them gesture towards Cam i get close enough to listen but enough to where they don’t notice.
It’s passing period between third and fourth hour, i see the principal by the north stairs and the cop by the south stairs. Both watching Cams locker but no Cam. Once he starts coming down the hall i go up next to him.
“Give it to me.”
“Give you what?”
“Don’t play dumb, whatever is in your pocket give it to me. The principal is by your locker and cop on the other stairs. Mrs. Sammy saw something in your pocket and turned you in. Hand it over.” He doesn’t do anything. “Go up these middle stair then hand it to me where there is no cameras don’t worry about being late for class.” He hands them to me while we're on the stairs.
“Now what? They will still search me and my locker. I can’t let you keep that and get in trouble.”
“Trust me now go to class meet me by the brick wall at the end of the day and i will return your things.” We both go our separate ways.
Next hour i see the cop searching Cam, he winks at me and i just smile. This hour i have study hall and taking advantage of this free time my teacher lets me get my poem book.
I will be tough i will be strong
Even if i’m right or wrong
No matter what i'll move on
Let you know i’m already gone
All i ever wanted was a happy ending with him. When we started dating i thought long term not just a week. We lasted three months but thats not a happy ending. I got hurt he didn’t, everyday i suffer not him. He made me lose all faith i ever had in happiness. I’m pretty sure there is no such thing as being happy. Whenever i see him in school i want to break down and cry but he just looks away like i’m nothing. My friends will say his name and i have to act like he’s my friend i can’t show how broken i feel. My life will never be the same, not until i’m a thousand miles away from Cam.
Maybe that’s what i have to do, move somewhere else.
The bell rings and i’m thrown back to reality. Not to many more classes left but everytime i see Cam i remember Dakota crying and how i cried too. At the end of the day Cam meets me by the brick wall but changes the plan. We end up walking to Josh’s house with about 15 other people. On the way i give him back his things and start walking a different way.
“Maria? Where are you going?”
“Home, wanna walk me?” Didn’t take long for him to catch up with me. If now isn’t a good chance to tell him how i feel then i don’t know when is. It’s not so easy, my mouth opens but nothing comes out. Takes a few minutes to find the right words but once i do i don’t miss out on my opportunity. “Cam i have to tell you somethings but understand it takes every bit of strength i have to tell you this.”
“Ight lay it on me.”
“I still like you always have always will. From the start i thought we would last forever i fell in love but you didn’t.” No one talks for awhile. Now were almost to my house and i feel like a fool for saying anything.
“I fell in love too. But i fell out, goodnight Maria.”
Who says that then walks away. I would rather be dead then feel this pain right now. My heart has never been so broken not even when he broke up with me. I put myself out there, my heart was vulnerable and you broke it again. My fault for thinking you changed.
My house is empty. No body to talk to nothing to do.
Me: Hey come over!
Karlie: When?
Me: Now girl!
Karlie: Okay who’s there? Just you.
Me: Yeah sista night!
Karlie: Sounds good be over in a few!
Karlie and i love to watch chick flicks and eat cookie dough. When she gets to my house i have the movie ready and cookie dough out. Each of us grab a bowl of cookie dough and a spoon then jump on the couch. Once we press play it’s so quiet. Were both eating our cookie dough theres no time to talk. Karlie can always cheer me up or take anything off my mind i love this girl to death.
At quarter to ten Karlie’s mom calls and decided to pick her up. She forgot she had to babysit in the morning. Haha Karlie is so forgetful.
It’s only 10:30 and i have no plans on a Friday night what the hell is going on here! With a quick glimpse out the window i see rain pouring down. Yes!
To- Andrew, Damian, Drake, Amber, and Ashton
Me: Get your ass to my house it’s raining what does that mean!?
Damian: Football time!
Ashton: Football!
Andrew: On my way picking up Drake this is the shit! Don’t start without me.
Amber: Be there soon get the squirt guns haha!
Me: Oh yeah it's going down see you all in 10.
While i wait for everyone to come over i fill up the squirt guns for me and Amber and get out the football. We all play ball but me and Amber cheat and hit the guys with water so they drop the ball. It’s so funny seeing their reaction. But the game is always so fun it doesn't matter who wins or if anyone even scores a point. It’s too bad Andrew can’t play because of his leg but it’s cool he’s still coming to hangout.
Around eleven everyone gets to my house, first thing Damian does is grab the football, Amber gets a squirt gun and Andrew grabs one too. Damian starts with the ball then tries to pass to Ashton but Amber shot him with water and he burst out laughing. Drake got the ball and passed it to me. But Ashton got the ball instead, he passes it to Andrew who manages to catch it then send it down the yard to Damian. Who was standing in the end zone waiting to score a touchdown, once he did then all of us couldn’t help but laugh as he did the most embarrassing dance. Me and Amber looked at each other and had the same idea.
“Everyone get Damian!”
The boys tackled him down while Amber and i shot him with water. Andrew recorded the whole thing, it was hilarious! Then Amber stole the ball from him she ran like the wind until she tripped. We all laughed at her, the best part was when she got up and ran the wrong way with the ball. Finally she realizes she’s going the wrong way so she throws the ball to me and gives up. As i start to run Andrew hits me with water and i try not to laugh but it’s impossible. Then Drake and Ashton run up and start tickling me while Damian takes Ambers water gun. Now i have Amber laughing her ass off, Andrew and Damian hitting me with water while Ashton and Drake tickle me.
“Why is everyone ganging up on me, haha. Amber is the one who ran the wrong way, haha!”
That didn't help they keep going after me. Finally i slip out of the tickle lock but then i slip in the grass. Now i'm full of grass and i dont even care i’m just having so much fun with these guys.
“Yo Maria turn the radio on!”
I turn on the speakers on the porch and the best song comes on, Play It Again by Luke Bryan. We all yell the lyrics. This night couldn’t get any better it’s like a dream come true. We always play football in the rain but for some reason it’s different today. Everyone is so happy.
Before we know it, it’s already 1:00am. Nobody cares we continue to play the game. Rain turns into a storm and we hear thunder. Makes this night even more fun. More rain pours down we all freeze and look up. The water hits my face and i don’t feel any pain. Amber comes running over and starts spinning me in circles. We all drop to the ground, Andrew on my left and Ashton on my right. Staring up at the stars the night sky is beautiful. “You guys are the best, i love you, i wouldn’t want to spend my night with anyone else.” Right after that Ashton turned on his side and kissed me.
“Oh Ashton’s got a crush on Maria!” I felt his arm leave my side and couldn't help but smile, he flipped off Drake. I do like him so i kissed him back, plus nothing is sexier than kissing in the rain. But Cam i like him 100 times more. This can be my little secret night.
But then i remember, Andrew. He got hurt because he liked me now i’m kissing someone else in front of him. Right when i remember that i pull away. “Lets play some more ball! Who’s in?”
Everyone gets up. Then the game begins. Not even 30 minutes into the game and a cop cars pulls up. “Do you kids know how loud you got that music? A bit too loud turn it down for me your neighbors are complaining. Thank you.”
“Sorry officer!” As he pulls away we fall to the ground laughing. It’s around 2:00 so we go inside and warm up. Drake and Amber make hot cocoa while the rest of us set up Andrews PS3. No one is tired but it’s hard for all of us to play at once since there is only two controllers. Amber and Drake play first, Damian calls up Karlie to see how she is, Ashton is getting snacks and Andrew pulls me aside to talk.
“Andrew i’m sorry you saw that i didn’t know he would kiss me. I felt so bad you got hurt because of liking me then i go and…” Before i can finish my sentence he kisses me, wow two guys kiss me in one night. Did i wear some special perfume today?
“Just shut up. I don’t care if Ashton kissed you or if Cam broke my leg, what matters is i’m here with you right now. Plus the losers in the other room haha.” As he starts to get up he reaches out his hand for mine. When we walk back into the other room Amber yells. She just lost the game to Drake. Andrew grabs the controller and Ashton takes Drake’s. Then Damian yells out.
“Alright boys, winner gets Maria!”
Crazy Damian thinks i’m some sort of prize, of a video game. To bad Karlie couldn’t be here tonight she would have had so much fun with us and probably slapped Damian for a few things he has said. Those two are so cute together, they give happiness a meaning. What’s nice about them is Damian has a sister a year younger, then when Karlie goes to his house she can spend the night. As long as she is in his sisters room and Damian’s parents know she is sleeping over.
Andrew wins the game and everyone looks at me. Instead of saying something or giving him some winning kiss, i take the controller and take my turn. Amber plays against me but doesn’t focus on the game much. She keeps texting someone, must be a boy because she is smiling at every text.
“Who you talking to Mrs. Smiles?” Her face goes red with embarrassment. I don’t get an answer right away.
“Josh, he keeps telling me i’m beautiful.” So my girl has a thing for Josh, hm. They must be closer than i thought.
I win, no surprize but now everyone is starting to get tired. Damian takes a pillow then jumps on the recliner, he’s out in seconds. Drake goes on one couch Andrew on the other. Amber, Ashton and I all make our own beds on the floor but first we pull a prank on Damian. Ashton puts shaving cream on his hand while Amber waits to tickle his nose. My job is simple, all i have to do is record the prank for facebook. Once Amber tickles his nose he shoves the shaving cream on his face. Some how he doesn’t wake up though and we have to clean off his face for him.
After we are done with our prank everyone lays back down in their bed for the night. An amazing night has to come to an end eventually.
March 16th, Saturday: Morning
Last one up but everyone waited for me. Drake gives the idea of going to breakfast opposed to making it our self. He calls his mom and she offers to give us a ride. We had to take Amber home before breakfast though. Then the rest of us went to the Wooden Chair. While we were there Andrew and Drake sat next to me. Some family of mine owns the Wooden Chair, but most of the cousins don’t work here anymore. Only one cousin does the rest went off to college.
During our breakfast Drake gets a text from Jace and shows me.
Jace: Cam might have to go to the hospital! He’s with me, shit went down i’ll call you if he does.
Drake and I both share a look then go back to eating. It’s half an hour later and we just got done taking Damian, Ashton and Andrew home when Drake gets a call.
“Yo Jace what’s up with Cam?”
“We just took him to the hospital, a fight went down at my house and he got knocked out. My mom just got home and we didn’t know what to do so we waited for her. You still with Maria?”
“What he got knocked out and you didn’t think about calling someone!” After i hear that i take the phone from Drake.
“Jace why wouldn’t you call someone about that! I’m on my way to the hospital you better hope Cam is alright or you will be knocked out next!”
“He will be fine i promise. I’m sorry i let this happen last night got out of control”
I was so angry i just hung up the phone. Drake’s mom dropped both of us off at the hospital, we saw Jace’s mom in the lobby and she told us where Cam was. Within seconds of walking threw the door i saw Cam was awake. But i still punched Jace for not being a better friend. When i saw Cam i was so relieved he was okay. Jace said he was good to go once his mom got here, now that was the problem nobody could get ahold of his mom. Jace’s mom tried to talk to the doctor about getting Cam released to her but it wasn't allowed. Nobody was quiet sure what to do until i got an idea. His sister is my friend on facebook maybe if i message her she can talk to his mom.
Me: Hey your brother is in the hospital he’s okay but the only way he can get released is if your mom comes to get him can you talk to her?
Zana: Sure.
Zana: She said we can come get him now thanks for telling me.
Me: No problem see you soon!
“Hey everyone i talked to Zana she said Cam’s mom and her are on there way to come get him.” Everyone gets really happy because they had plans for later tonight. As for me i had family night, cousins from out of town were coming to visit. But i didn’t have to be home for awhile yet. To pass time while we wait for his mom the boys play music and i stay as far away from Cam as i can in a little hospital room. When he’s just about to come over by me my mom saves me, she called to see where i was.
A few times after that i see him looking over at me. But we still don’t talk because the boys have him occupied with flappy birds on Jace’s phone. Every few minutes i look out the window waiting to see Zana and her mom pull in, but i still don’t see them. Once in a while the nurse checks up on Cam only because it’s her job we all know he is fine. Just had a rough night then right when he got up was punched so it knocked him out isn’t much to say about that. When he finally gets the chance to talk to me Drake get’s a phone call and tells us to shut up and he turns the music off. Not the nicest thing he could have said but it’s Drake what do we expect, Emily called him saying some people are at her house and Drake should come over. The boys made plans to go there once Cam got out.
It took almost another hour before Cam’s mom got to the hospital but when she did all she did was get him signed out then left. By now it was already 11:00 and Jace mom had to go to work. The rest of us walk to Emily’s house but once we got there i left. Just making sure they got there safe. Lydia must have spent the night at Emily’s last night because when we got there she was about to leave. Her mom offered me a ride home so i explained to Lydia what happened last night and all the fun we had. “I wish you would have been there it was a blast!” Next time she will have to sleep over too.
“Yeah i would love too!” We don’t have many sleepovers but when we do they are the best. As we pull into the driveway left and right there are activities set up for the family coming over. I say goodbye and thank you to Lydia and her mom then head inside. There isn’t much time to get ready the family is already on there way over. First thing were doing when everyone gets here is have lunch, mom made “picnic lunch”. That means all easy foods like finger foods and hot dogs. Looking around at lunch i was trying to see who was all here for cousins, Alex, Rayne, Justyce, Dane, Ashton, Coral, Anthony, Jason, Payton, and Shawn. All of them except Rayne, Alex, Justyce and Dane were under the age of seven. Dane is my age and the other three girls are 16. During lunch Dane and i start a food fight with the little kids, mom is thankful we are outside. Most of us can’t wait until we start playing games.
“Nothing is thicker than blood.”
~Todd Kawski
March 16th, Saturday:Afternoon
First game we play is Trivia, my team is Anthony, Dane, Uncle Caral, Great Grandma, Jason, Kevin and I. We are team number two, so far we are 3rd place. Too much laughing and joking around to hear half the questions but thats okay. What this day is about is family time. We don’t see them much it was cool this was arranged. Next question, “Who is the oldest granddaughter to great grandma? Great grandma can’t help on this one.” Our team was out of luck without her help.
“I got this it’s 7! Haha!” Everyone found me pretty funny but that wasn’t the right answer, what a shocker. I ended up not even knowing the cousin who is the oldest granddaughter. In the end my team lost big time. Next game is finder. That’s where mom hides or just lays around a bunch of easter eggs and finder has six letters so six of the egs have something important in them. There will be three good ones like 50 dollars, a note saying you won a bike, and a note saying you won a box of chocolates. Then there are the three bad ones each with a note inside either pay five dollars, do 20 push-ups, or get water balloons thrown at you. All the other eggs were just empty. It’s fun but scary because you want to win something but if you win one of the bad choices then it sucks.
In the end i had all empty eggs i was unlucky this year. But Anthony got the 50 dollars, my aunt got the bike and great grandma got a box of chocolates. From there till dark we were inside snacking and playing more indoor games. Once night fell we all ran outside. The kids ran around with sparklers, small fireworks to hold in your hand. After that everyone laid down on the grass while Uncle Tony lit off fireworks. It wasn’t until right after i got comfortable that i had to get up because i got a phone call from Josh, at least this time it wasn’t midnight only eight o’clock.
“What’s up aren’t you at Jace’s for a party tonight?”
“I was until Cam got high as hell and started yelling i need Maria back. Told Dakota right then and there he wanted nothing to do with her now him, Jace and i are all walking to your house because were following Cam. Some how you gotta help is there anyway you could take us home or even just come with us?”
“I will come with i promise i’ll make sure Cam is okay. But some how i have to sneak out i’m having a family party tonight.”
“Alright also we are all in shorts and t-shirts. It was a last minute chase Cam he’s out of his mind kinda night.”
“No worries i got your back. How far away are you i just snuck away from the family.” All the family is on the side of the house watching the fireworks so i tiptoed to the front driveway. Ran inside grabbed two pair of sweatpants and three blankets. By the time i got back outside i could see Cam.
“Well i can already see you and Cam is ahead of us.”
“This is true i see Cam see you in a bit.”
Cam was running up my driveway toward me then the boys chased after him. “Cam you're out of your mind.” I toss him a blanket, Jace and Josh each a pair of sweatpants plus a blanket to share. “Put these on and wrap up lets start walking crazy boys.”
Before anyone could notice i snuck away we started to walk. Jace and Josh warmed up fast and Cam was too worried about holding me close and explaining why he ran away to be cold. While we made our way back to Jace’s where a party was still being held i remembered Josh said Cam broke up with Dakota or something like that. I don’t know her but i feel bad Cam just leaves her then comes back with another girl, not just any girl his ex. If i was her that would hurt me inside so much. But i can’t just leave them i promised i would get them home and i will. If i choose to stay thats fine i can figure that out when i get there though. Can’t let some girl ruin my chance of fun.
By the time we got to the bridge i was starting to get cold. Then Cam offered to share his blanket with me. Once we finally reach downtown and Jace’s house is close i realize not only is Cam high but the other two boys are. Now i have to be the one to figure out the way to Jace’s house in the dark and make sure they all get back to his place safe. It is almost nine and we are still walking but i think i know my way. When i think were pretty close i start to look around for his house. One, two, three blocks theres his house. Living room and Jace's bedroom lights are the only lights on in the house. Must be where everyone is hanging out. Just like always music is blaring so loud we can hear it outside the house. As we approach the door steps all three boys look at me. “I’ll stay.” The door opens and smoke hits us in the face like a brick wall. Lydia comes running up and hugs me but over her shoulder i see Dakota. I have to talk to her she is so sweet and nice i can’t let a boy bring her down.
“Dakota, cheer up. Don’t let any guy bring you down especially one who isn’t even sober and will probably regret this night by morning. I’m the stupid ex he ran out for, i would know what it’s like to get my heartbroken.”
Wasn’t much else to say so i just walked away. In Jace’s room i found a big group of ninth graders, Cam, Jace and Josh. Josh and Jace got up when they saw me they pulled me out of the room. To thank me for helping with Cam and making sure they all got back safe. Like always everyone tried to get me to smoke with them. This time i said i would but later, i wanted a drink or two first. I got myself a drink then saw Dakota was leaving. Part of me felt bad but if i was her i wouldn’t want to stay either. Even if i tried to get her to stay what am i supposed to say, there is nothing i can say. Watching her walk out is so tough considering it is kinda of my fault.
Few more drinks down and i'm ready to join the group in Jace’s room. His room is so small that by now it is almost like a cloud in there. If i reach my hand out i can grab the air. One of them asks if i wanna smoke now, my response was a nod of the head. After that the night got kinda vag, can’t remember much of what’s going on. Most of us stayed in his room for another hour or so, then someone pointed out it was an even number of girls to boys. A ninth grader ran to get a movie then ran back. By then everyone was partnered up with someone cuddling, me with Cam of course. Next thing you know were watching some horror movie. Left and right i start to see couples kissing. I kind of miss the feeling of having someone close to me. Knowing someone cares enough to never let go.
That’s when Cam slides his finger under my chin, turns my head toward him, then our lips are touching. Before long it feels like before as if we never broke up and this is perfect. Seems like he makes me feel this way every time we are together. Some how i feel myself bring my hand to his cheek to hold him close. A flash goes off but we don’t move part of me thinks someone took a picture which they probably did. Ray yells i got a picture then Cam and i pull away laughing. He jumps toward Ray and they stay fighting, before you know it all of us girls are in the corner laughing while the guys are all fighting.
When the windows start to brake and people are being thrown to walls, Jace’s mom comes in. Very unhappy “That’s it Jace this was your last chance.” Then she storms out. It’s almost 12:30 so everyone starts to drink again. Cam does this crazy thing while he hands me a shot class. He gets down on one knee and pretends to purpose, “Maria will you take this shot glass. Haha!” Everyone at the house starts geeking out. My reaction is a playful hit then take the shot. At this time there is only ten people still here, five boys five girls.
Jake threw on some music and spaceman came on. All the guys went crazy something about this song makes them love it. Lydia and I video tape them because they all look so cute.
Then the worst happens. Lights shine in through the window, but not just any car lights, red and blue lights. Shutting Jace’s door we all hide out in his room, thinking no one will answer the door but his mom does. That’s when it dawns on Jace his mom called and not a single one of us is sober anymore. We all freak out. His bedroom door flies open. Every guy pulls there girlfriend or girl they like behind them to try and protect them. But the cops aren’t falling for it. One couple at a time they take us to the cars, Cam doesn’t leave my side. He is trying to be strong for both of us saying it will be okay but i’m pretty sure he is freaking out more than i am. As they put him in the car i try to convince the cops to let us go. Cam is watching and laughing at how the cops aren't falling for what i’m saying. Then they lead me to a car.
Him and i are put in the same car together. I see a tear slide down his cheek. Sliding closer to him i wipe away his tears “Don’t worry you're going to be okay. Our parents will pick us up and if your mom doesn’t my mom will do something.” Once he starts to smile again we kiss but the cops aren’t to happy about that. Not really sure whats going to happen next but we are on our way to the station. I can’t believe i have gotten myself in this much trouble.
On the way there Cam and i were dead silent. As we approached the station both of us looked out the window and couldn’t believe this was actually happening. The cop took us inside then we saw our friends. All of our phones were taken away first thing. Five cops escorted all of us to a holding cell. Each of us were asked questions about what was going on tonight, it took awhile but one of us got an officer to tell who called on us. It was Jace’s mom she was upset with us for being loud and breaking things when one another were being thrown at walls.
Questioning ended at about 1:00am. Cam and Jace were worried because they both knew their parents wouldn’t come get them. If their moms won’t come get them then someone else can but they have to pay the fine. Lydia’s mom would get Jace but what about Cam i don’t think my mom would. Maybe if she understood how much i like him. No not even then would she. None of the cops talk to us for awhile then we are each allowed a phone call to our parents, except for Jace. Since his mom called us in it’s obvious she wouldn’t come get him, Lydia calls first and her parents say they can get Jace too. Then Cam calls but his mom says he has to find his own way out of his problem.
Next i get to make a call. Mom answers the phone “Mom, i have gotten myself arrested. Can you come pick me up?”
“It’s 2 in the morning! When did you even leave and where did you go?” I can hear the anger in her voice, no wonder i’m a disappointment.
“Like eight i left with…..um….Cam. We went to Jace’s house. But can you come pick up me and Cam. His mom wont come get him.”
“I am coming to get you i will decide when i get there if he can come home with us. Has he been smoking?” Stupid question she already knows the answer but she wants to see if i will lie or not.
“Yes he has, so have i and everyone else i am with. Happy now you know!”
“Fine if he means that much to you i will come get you both! But if this ever happens again you both are dead.”
“Thank you mom see you soon!” Mom is such a lifesaver for me and Cam. If it wasn’t for her i don’t know what he would do. Once i get off the phone i’m taken back to the holding cell where Cam is waiting for an answer. When i get close i see his eyes widen in hope.
“What did she say? Please tell me i can go with you. I ruined your whole night i am so sorry i am such a screw up!”
“Cam, she said you can come home with us and you didn’t ruin my night. You are definitely not a screw up either.” His frown turns upside down and in my heart i know he feels loved. Ray and Drake’s dad is the first to pick them up after that all of us got our handcuffs taken off. Parents came and our friends left every time someone left Cam got worried that my mom wouldn’t show.
Not long later my mom shows up and Cam jumps for joy when he sees her. She talks to one of the cops for awhile and then we get worried. What if she decides not to pay and to leave us here. Knowing my mom she probably would if she got that mad. Right now she's so mad i think the room even heated up.
Looking at Cam i realize he may act tough and strong but inside he’s just as scared as everyone else. For some reason that brings a smile to my face, he does get hurt. Which means his heart has been broken and he knows how i feel. Maybe he meant to hurt me this whole time, chances are he will again. I don’t think i am making the best choice for myself to be with him but in my heart it feels like the only choice.
Finally she stops talking and signs the papers, pays for us and we are good to go. The walk to the car felt like an hour long. All she did was lecture us about how i shouldn’t have left the house and since i did Cam should have taken better care of me. He gets kind of sad because he knows it’s true. But it’s not like he planned for Jace’s mom to call the cops on us. In my opinion Cam did take care of me but the circumstances got out of his hands. What is he supposed to do when cops show up, nothing there is nothing he could have done.
Pulling up to my house i see all the lights are out, everyone must be sleeping or back at their hotels. Most the family is staying at my grandmas. Cam feels bad that he had to interrupt the family night, i tried to tell him it was no big deal. Both of us go right downstairs to my bedroom before my mom can say anything else. He takes my phone and starts calling up the others to see who got out and who is still at the station.
“Cam calm down i promise all your friends are fine. I think you should just get some sleep.” Not a surprize he doesn’t listen to me.
“No you don’t understand it’s not that easy to spend the night in a holding cell. If their parents don’t get them they have to stay in a jail cell. I got you and i am lucky i am here but not all my friends are as lucky as me tonight.” Knowing soon tears would come to his eyes i took my phone out of his hands, wrapped him in a hug letting him know everything will be okay. He always takes everything to the extreme and i have to remind him it’s not as bad as he thinks. It’s hard not to laugh when he gets worried. His eyes widen, he speaks faster, his hands get twitchy and he paces the room. It’s a pretty big deal i guess but i can’t help the only thing i can help with is calming him down.
“Alright Cam it’s time to sit down. You're going to have an anxiety attack, haha.” After i get the ‘are you kidding me’ look he takes a seat on my bed next to me. “Sometimes when i don’t know what to do with myself i write, i’m pretty good at it. Watch i’ll write something about you.”
We talk, We laugh
I smile, You look back
You talk, I reply
In the end it’s still a lie
No doubt in my mind,
She’s got you mesmerized.
When i look up at his face it’s just this blank look. Then he gets up, starts to walk away until “Where do you think you’re going?” He stops dead in his tracks.
“I can’t just sit here like nothing happened. I broke your heart but every time i crawl back you let me back in. This isn’t how life should be you deserve better.” One more step then i’m on my feet. Another step, i go after him. Stopping him before he leaves the room. As i look into his deep brown eyes i get lost in time, they are like a black hole and i’m falling in. Deeper and deeper i sink until it’s as if he has control over me. My body is melting in place when he touches my arm. Pushing my hair out of my eyes behind my ear shivers go down my spine. He takes a step closer, nearly losing my breath, as he whispers in my ear. “Is it just me or are you feeling the butterflies too?” Winking then giving me a smile his hand moves from my arm to my waist. Didn’t notice until now that a couple of my older cousins are spending the night and decided to watch us. Our eyes close then our lips touch. Sparks fly! Camera flashes go off. Doesn’t look like i will ever forget this night.
“Maria look! I got a really cute picture!” Said Alex.
“OMG me too!” Yelled Rayne from the other side of the living room.
“I got one right before the kiss that looks magical!” Announced Justyce.
“Haha! Thanks guys but something tells me i won’t need pictures to remember this night. No night could be any better to forget this one.” I laughed because it’s true, no way will i be able to forget this night. It appears only these three girls spent the night hear the rest went to grandmas.
Rayne and Justyce already took the couch and Alex was sleeping on the recliner. Leaving Cam and i too my bed together. So many laughs were shared that night but the ones i will remember the most are from the back seat of the cop car. Right as i think of that Alex puts on the song Cop Car by Keith Urban. I sing some of the beginning lyrics. My toon is way off buts it’s so funny then Cam smiles and starts to sing along. Now not only are we laughing but i can hear Alex laughing too. If only she knew everything it would be so much funnier. I love to sing my friends say i have a great voice but if i’m not with just my close friends i get scared to sing. Cam on the other hand just likes to mess around he isn’t really a good singer and he knows it. But it’s the fact that he tries to impress me, that’s what matters.
Alex finally tells us to shut up and go to bed. Even though it will be morning in a couple of hours. Cam pulls me in close to him, wraps his arms around me and covers us with a blanket. I was so cold i was shaking but now, i still am freezing cold but he helps warm me up. When i’m with him nothing is as bad as before. Just maybe not as safe.
He falls asleep holding me close and not long after my eyes are shut too. Dreams float threw my head all threw the night. I keep thinking what would have happened if i wouldn’t have left. If i would have stayed home. His brown eyes wouldn’t have taken over me. My mind wouldn’t have gone foggy, never would have gotten arrested. But i can’t blame him for my mistakes. Well atleast not all of them but maybe some. While Cam moves in his sleep to get comfortable he lays his head on my chest. I fall deeper and deeper in love with this boy but i know in the end i will get hurt. What’s going to happen when morning comes will he stay or just leave. Of course he is going to worry about his friends and wanna go see where they are but isn’t it my job to make sure he stays okay. Or at least it feels like my job even though in reality it isn’t.
Outside i hear thunder and it wakes me up. Must have woke up Rayne too, i hear her start to come out into the bedroom. Wait, she isn’t coming my way. “Rayne where are you going?”
“Some boys were outside the window i’m going to get towels their clothes are wet. Something about looking for Cam i said he isn’t here.”
“Okay thanks i’ll go check it out.” Who is looking for Cam. I wonder if i should wake him up first. All though it might be my only option since he is laying on me. Can’t exactly go see who it is without waking him up. “Cam, wake up. Rayne said there are some boys in my window looking for you, i don’t know who though.” Not a word is said he just gets up right away. Obviously he knows who is looking for him. I have no idea who it could be but that is usually i never know what is going on in his life.
What a surprise. The guys who are looking for Cam are 9th graders from school. Ray and Jake. Must have gotten picked up from the station and went to Jake’s house. He lives by Jace and they need a place to stay. Jake is a good friend i don’t talk to Ray but i’m not about to put them on the streets. Cam helps find them some sweatpants while i get some beds made on the floor with blankets. Mom is going to kill us all when we wake up. Hopefully i won’t get grounded, until then i need some sleep.
Happiness comes and goes.
Sadness makes me feel alone.
Eyes sparkle with tears.
Smile shines in fear.
Hands tremble and shake.
Stomach starts to ache.
Heart wants what it wants.
Mind makes me stop on the clock.
March 17th, Sunday
Rayne wakes me up. Gives me a note she found on my bedroom door when she woke up.
Maria,
I put money on the counter for you girls if you need food the rest of the family is at Grandmas then we are going swimming at a hotel. Call me if you girls would like to come with otherwise have a good day.
Love mom!
Oh and we will talk about last night tomorrow, i am disappointed and will be calling your father.
Looks like Rayne went back to sleep. No one else is up yet, but someone is gone. Alex! Where did she go? All her stuff is gone. Maybe she left with mom. I hope that’s where she is.
Ray wakes up then punches Jake to get up. They both jump on Cam to wake him up, it’s so hard not to laugh. He gets mad so easy but it’s cute. “Alright you boys don’t break anything. I’m gonna go make pancakes my family is gone you don’t have to worry about leaving fast.” All three of them have the biggest eyes when they hear pancakes. On my way up the stairs my phone goes off, it’s an unknown number. But it’s a text message so not a big deal.
Get away from Cam all you do is get him in trouble. You are no good for him!
Someone doesn’t like me apparently. Not a surprize many people don’t. “Cam! Someone is texting me about you and they are mad at me!” My voice sounded sad and scared at the same time. But he came running over right away.
“Let me see the phone.” After reading the text and looking at the number he gave the phone back. “It’s my mom, don’t respond. I don’t know how she got your number.” Then he goes back by his friends and i return to going to make the pancakes. For some odd reason i have a craving for chocolate. This inspires me to make chocolate chip pancakes. Some i make in the shape of hearts or mickey mouse heads, the rest are just plane circles. Takes a little while because i like to make them look good. Like for the hearts i put chocolate chips goings around the whole outline and the mickey mouse heads i made eyes and a smile. The guys are too lazy to get out of bed and get their own food, so i brought it downstairs for them. Each one got one of each of the fancy, funny pancakes and then a couple normal ones. All the girls went upstairs to get their own food. Thank god i don’t have to take care of them also.
Cam is being so mature today i have never seen him act so grown up. Ray and Jake get picked up by Ray’s dad and Drake is in the car so he says hi to everyone. There isn’t much to do at the house so Justyce calls up my mom to get picked up, Rayne stays with us. Calling up Lydia to see if her and Jace can meet us at Cam’s house we start to walk. It isn’t far but it isn’t close. Rayne comes with us and that’s fine, her and Lydia will get along great.
We all made perfect timing Lydia and Jace got there at the same time as us. After introducing Rayne to Jace and Lydia we go inside to find out that Cam’s mom is home and not happy. She wouldn’t listen to Cam so i tried talking to her, she use to like me lets see if she still does. It didn’t take long before she was okay with us being there only thing she didn’t want was us eating all the food. Easy way to fix that we don’t eat any food, some of us have money we can order food.
By the time we are hungry it has gotten boring at Cam’s place. Rayne calls mom and asks where the family is at. Everyone is heading back to Minnesota in a half hour then they will pick up me and Rayne. I have to go back to my house though where a couple of friends are going to meet me. Tomorrow is parent teacher conferences which means the students don’t have school. Giving me one more night to have fun, as long as my mom doesn't kill me first.
When i get home Amber is already here with Karlie. They wanna spend the night and they called up Drake and Cam they each are coming over and bringing friends. Cam must like my house. “Mom can a few boys come over?” Her first reaction is giving me the look, meaning she doesn’t approve. But once the girls start to beg with me she gives in. “Fine but only a few and they need to leave at 10.” Amber and Karlie start jumping up and down supper happy. “Thanks mom!”
About an hour later Drake shows up but he has a different friend of ours from school, Jon. But he’s cool and awesome to hang around. When he was dating one of my friends him and her would come over all the time. Then they broke up but we talked at school all the time. I’m so glad he came over. We all go inside then i get a call, it’s Josh telling me him Cam, Jace and Vern are all outside my house. All of us go running up the stairs to get them then my mom stops us. “Where do you think your going?” Maybe i went a bit past a few boys. “To get the other guys.” Oh is she pissed. “No you can all get out be back at ten go have fun outside where ever you want.” So that's exactly what we did everyone grabbed a blanket and we went to the closed school just down the road. Good thing we did because they were drinking alcohol and smoking. First thing i did was run over by the swings everyone else went on the basketball court and sat there talking. Cam came over by me then lifted me off the swing, at first i was mad but then he put me on his lap. It was really cute especially when we started to swing.
But when all our friends saw it became very important to all come over by us to make sure nothing happened. Then right as they got over by us he kissed me, right there in front of them all. I felt like the star on a tv show, everyone was watching. Seconds after the magical kiss he started smoking with his friends, i wanted to but my mom would kill me if i went back home smelling like smoke. Josh had the bottle of alcohol, he finished it then flung the bottle over his shoulder. “Now you two are back together? Damn didn’t think it would happen.” Cam and i look at eachother before he says something. “No Josh we aren't just livin for the night.” He looks at me. “It’s what we do best.”
Everyone around laughs even me. After that the night turned into like a couples thing, everyone like was with someone basically. Cam and I, Jon and Amber, Josh and Karlie. Vern had to go home so his dad picked him up and Drake threw a fit that Karlie was with Josh instead of him. Nothing really happened since Karlie is dating Damian. Then Drake had his dad pick him up. We didn’t want to get yelled at for being at the school so late then all of us went to my house. Just chilled on my back porch cuddling, well except for Jace he was alone he curled up in a ball with a bunch of blankets. Nobody left for him to cuddle with except a blanket.
But the girls got cold and started to play tag, Jon played too but not Josh he was cold. The grass was all wet and muddy from the rain, there game of tag was more of a mud slide. Josh took Karlie's phone and played music, in the mean time Cam took every chance he could to kiss me. Oh, can’t forget about Jace he is still being a loner but now he is talking to himself telling his whole life story. No idea what i am going to do with that crazy boy. The night sky keeps getting darker and it’s almost ten but i don’t want anyone to leave they are all so awesome. “Hey guys everyone come over here!” Once everyone is sitting around me and listening i tell them my plan. “We’re gonna sneak you guys in the window so leave but then walk back up to the other side of the house but go around the block so we have some time to tell my mom were going to be downstairs and all that crap, okay?” No one disagreed they were all glad to be with the girls longer, as for Jace he just wanted to warm up he don’t care where they go as long as it’s warm.
It was easy to tell my mom we were going downstairs and didn’t need anything for the night because she is still mad at us. Once we get downstairs we get a bunch of blankets and pillows so they can get comfy and warm. It isn’t exactly the warmest weather outside yet, and it’s kind of raining so we find some sweatpants and sweatshirts for them to change into. After we get all set up Amber texts Jon to let him know they can come but be quiet and stay low because my parents bedroom window is right above mine. One by one they come in then throw their shoes in the bathtub, that way we don’t get the floor dirty.
Just like outside everyone kind of partners up. Amber and Jon go on one side of the couch and start trying to find a movie to watch on netflix. Jace goes on the recliner like the loner he is, Karlie and Josh lay on the floor in front of the couch with a bunch of blankets. Then on the opposite side as Amber and Jon are Cam and i, cuddled together with a blanket. Amber picks a movie but then she wants popcorn, no one will go make some for her so she has to herself. Popping four bags of popcorn took her a little while but that way each “couple” and Jace had their own bag. Everyone was talking and yelling across the room but once the movie started Jace yelled. “Everyone shut up! I’m trying to watch the movie sense i ain’t got no one to kiss.” All of us laughed at that then shut up.
Half way threw the movie Amber falls asleep, Jon stays by her side though. Gotta admit she looks like such a cutie when she is sleeping. Jace tries to convince him to be his cuddle buddy but no way was Jon going to. Next Jace fell asleep not long after so did Jon.
The movie finished then Cam, Karlie, Josh and I went back out the window. Just sat in the grass looking up at the stars and smoking. Each star shines different than the other. Reminding me of everyday i spend with Cam, each is different than the next. Out of no where pouring rain! Rain stars coming down like crazy, we all try and run to the window to get inside. Josh and Cam keep slipping and it’s so funny but we can’t laugh or be loud or mom will hear us. One by one we slide back inside but all of us are soaking wet and need new clothes to wear.
Within the hour Karlie and Josh cuddle together then fall asleep. Cam and I are the only ones left, what to do. He throws on some music, meanwhile i’m still shaking from the cold rain. As soon as he realized i was freezing cold a blanket was thrown around me and i found his warm body next to mine. Arms wrapped around me, legs over mine and my head on his chest. We are both so tired but i’m afraid to fall asleep i don’t want him to leave. “If i fall asleep will you be right here when i wake up?” He slides out then goes to turn off the lights, when he comes back we lay the same way we were before. “There is no where i would rather be then with you.”
That’s when my eyes start to close. But not to where i fall asleep i wanna make sure i never forget this night. The way we feel when we’re together or his body so close to mine. This night can never be forgotten. Maybe it will happen again, when we hangout next, maybe he will pull me in close and wrap me up in his arms so tight i can hear his heart beating. Wrapped thumps is all i hear his heart is racing as if he is nervous. But his heart sounds so beautiful i don’t want to move away he is so amazing i can’t help myself.
My eyes finally shut and i’m out like a light. I hope he doesn’t stay up all night. My guess is he won’t he was as tired as i was.
March 18th, Monday
His smile starts my day off perfectly. A kiss and i’m wide awake. We are the only ones up so far, but it’s kind of nice. As he leans in to kiss me i get butterflies my face warms up, hands start to sweat and i feel frozen in place. Then his lips touch mine. Amber ruins the moment when she snores. Now that is a morning i wouldn’t mind waking up to everyday. Without Amber ruining it.
No one else really seems to be waking up. Except for Karlie when she had to use the bathroom. But that would be the only reason she has gotten out of bed, now shes back to sleep. Cam wants chocolate milk and now that he mentions it so do I. Good think i have a mini fridge in my room, i believe mom just filled it up for me. “Give me a second i gotta go get it from my room.” He sure seems happy about that. “Thanks babe your the best!” Takes a few minutes because i can’t find a cup but he looks like such a little kid when i bring it back. He gets all happy and excited, also a bit demanding “gimi gimi” he said.
As the others obviously we're not going to wake up any time soon, Cam and i turned on the wii and did some bowling. I am so competitive that he laughs every time i fail because i throw a little fit. A quiet one though i don’t want to wake up the others. First game he beat me 98 to 77 but the second game i beat him 106 to 84. In the middle of our third game Josh wakes up, i let him take my place so i can go see if any of my family is up yet. So far no one is except my step day he left for work. Oh wait, so did my mom. When i come downstairs everyone but Amber is awake. All laughing and having a blast with bowling, right now Karlie and Josh are playing.
Once Cam sees i’m back downstairs he comes over by me. I have no idea what we are going to do all day. Until i receive a text from my moms friend down the road. Babysitter cancelled can you watch the twins today plus their cousin he’s the same age? Kind of a late notice but i really don’t have any reason to say no. “Hey you guys my moms friend needs me to babysit three 4 years olds. Is it okay if they get dropped off her in a few minutes and we babysit?” Everyone is too sucked into the bowling game to notice but i think they will have fun with the kids. I send a quick text saying i can watch them but i do have friends over if that’s alright. But it’s no problem and the kids will be over soon.
The little ones arrive. Twins Zach and Chloe then their cousin Mason. No idea why but Mason gets attracted to Cam right away and won’t leave his side. Chloe always stays by me she is more of a shy kid and Zach has all the energy in the world so he’s by everyone doing everything. Cam gets the idea to let the kids play the wii, since four can play at a time first Zach, Jon, Karlie and Amber go. Now that she is finally awake. Because they wanted to be nice they let Zach win. Next up is Cam, Mason, Chloe and I. Each of us try to hard to win and we are all laughing and just having a blast. Jon puts some music on in the background but it’s hard to hear over all the laughter. I feel almost like Cam and I are together, like married and Mason and Chloe are our kids. It just feels like we're a happy family right now.
At around noon Jon, Jace and Karlie have to leave. Amber’s getting a ride from Josh and he isn’t getting picked up for another hour. Cam is staying until the kids get picked up so i have someone to help me, then he will walk home. For lunch I make grilled cheese and cut up some watermelon. Chloe says she wants a picnic and the rest of us think that is a great idea. Mason still won't leave Cam’s side so both of them get a blanket to lay down outside. Chloe and Zach help me carry the food out. With Mason constantly by Cam i realize how good Cam is with kids, someday he will be a great dad. Or the favorite uncle that always has toys.
RIght before i made lunch Josh and Amber got picked up. They missed out on an awesome picnic. After everything was picked up i changed the kids into some of my t-shirts for a water balloon fight and sprinklers. Take advantage of the few days we have that are warm now that the snow is melted.
Kids are always so cute when they are laughing and having fun. Even Cam plays in the sprinklers and with the water balloons so i joined in also. Cam kept hitting me with balloons so i was drenched with water. I was about to hit him but he ran up and picked me up, threw me over his shoulder and started running around with me. The kids kept laughing at us i found it funny too but more cute than anything.
Sometimes i wish i was older, i would spend my life with this crazy boy. Everything about him i find really adorable and sweet, even when he makes me mad. Even though we broke up lately it feels like we are coming back together. Other guys have came along and yeah they were sweet and boyfriend material but i already chose the guy i want to be with. But i don’t need to worry about this all that matters is the present. My present is looking pretty adorable right now.
Chloe slips in the grass but Zach helps her up, they are such good siblings. Cam still won’t put me down. Now the kids decide to gang up on us and there all throwing water balloons at us. It’s hard not to laugh but poor little Chloe can’t manage to hit us with a balloon.
Around 3 o'clock the twins mom calls, she’s running late and still has to go shopping. I offer to watch the kids longer if it’s alright we take them to the park. The kids love the idea and so does their mom. Since Cam and I are still too young to drive we all walk to the park but it isn’t far, just down the road. Zach wants to run with me but Chloe wants me to carry her. While running with Zach i got Chloe on my back, she can’t stop laughing. A little distance behind us is Cam and Mason. Looks like Cam is carrying Mason, he might have fallen asleep.
We reach the park and Mason is still sleeping in Cam’s arms. “I’ll take Mason if you want to take these to and go on the playground.” I would much rather sit with a kid and take pictures then go run around some more.
“Okay sounds good.” He hands off Mason. “Chloe and Zach come with me. Let’s go play!” Watching them is so cute. He is so good with them two, i never knew he could have so much fun. Mason starts to wake up and asks if we’re at the park yet. With a quick look around he sees we are and goes running to the playground by Cam. “Hey Maria you going to help me with these kids! Haha!” All three kids are climbing on Cam, which to me looks really cute. Especially because he can’t stop laughing.
But since i am the babysitter i better go help him. The swings are finally free and we all run over and grab one. Cam and i thought we could swing to but nope we had to push them. Chloe just wanted little pushes, my job was easy. Where as the boys wanted big pushes and sounds like an airplane. Cam had a bit more to do. If we didn’t have school tomorrow i would ask him to stay the night again, but sadly we have school.
“Hey kids you want to go for ice cream before you get picked up?” They all jump off the swings screaming yes yes! “Okay let’s go downtown for ice cream then.” Each of the kids grabs one of our hands and we start to walk. When we get downtown Cam sees Dakota. Then just like that he’s gone, he leaves me and the kids. Mason seems pretty sad but what am i supposed to do i didn’t choose for Cam to leave. Honestly i can’t believe he did. Then he kisses her, right there in front of everyone. Her friends, the kids, strangers and me, in plane sight he kisses her.
The kids still want ice cream so i better get it now. We have to make it back before they get picked up. When we step back out of the ice cream shop Mason looks up at me and with his cute little voice and sweet eyes asks. “Where did Cam go? Did he leave us?” Poor little kid. I don’t want to tell him that Cam left. He shouldn’t think someones leaving him already at his age.
“No i didn’t leave bud, i’m right here. Just had to talk to a friend.” Where did he even come from. Now he’s back, just like that but no Dakota. He reaches for my hand but i pull away and pretend to check my phone. Why did he come back i would have been happier if he didn’t. But within minutes everythings back to before. Mason is on Cam’s back and Chloe on mine. Zach is in between us both, each of us holding his hand. “1….2….3 jump!” He swings up high laughing his head off.
Everytime i look at Cam he says he’s sorry. I don’t know how to believe him anymore, he’s only said that like a million times. Who knows when he is lying now. As we start to go down my road Chloe yells. “That my mommy car!” She’s right her moms car was coming down the road. We made it back just in time for them to get picked up.
Mason doesn’t want to let go of Cam. It’s really cute that Mason has gotten attached to him though. But it’s time to leave. Cam gets them all in the car and buckled up while their mom pays me, she even gives Cam some money for helping out. Never seen him so happy to get money. The car pulls away then Cam grabs my arm and pulls me close. “I’m sorry i left. It won’t happen again, i promise.”
“Promise is a big word, you sure that’s what you want to say. In a few hours you will see Dakota again, are you going to leave me just like today?” His face turns red and goes blank.
“I won’t leave. I don’t know why i even did today, it was a mistake.” I have nothing to say to him so i just walk away. He follows me inside. We fight like a married couple. Sometimes maybe we are even worse. He’s the one i look to whenever i need a friend, he doesn’t get mad when i make a mistake yet i’m walking away cause he made a mistake.
Mom texts me saying she will be home soon. Which means Cam has to leave, or at least start walking. I don’t want to be alone so i walk with him for a little while. That is until he sees Dakota downtown again then he leaves me for the second time today. But i’m not going to wait for him to come back.
On the walk back i remember there is school tomorrow but i’m pretty sure i didn’t have homework. It doesn’t take long to get home because i didn’t walk far before he left. Once i’m home i decide to take a shower, mom said something about going out for dinner in her last text.
Mom: If everyone is in a good mood maybe we can go somewhere nice for dinner.(:
I love going out for food. Mom always makes something spicey where a restaurant i can choose what i want. But Grant always causes problems and is too loud. Eventually he will grow out of that stage but for now we are stuck with him.
Mom gets home and announces we are all going out for sushi. Our family loves sushi, almost every week mom brings sushi home but it’s better when we each choose our own. Then we try one anothers and decide which one tastes the best. Most the time Kevin's tastes the best. He’s good at picking food but not cooking it. I remember coming home one night and mom was running late and asked Kevin to cook dinner. He tried making hamburgers on the grill and burnt them all. Never again did mom ask Kevin to cook dinner maybe order out but never cook. Everyone thought it was funny though.
But the sushi he chose this time was spice, which my mom liked, but also sweet, which i like. It was our family favorite tonight. Except for Grant he doesn’t like sushi. It’s a good thing this restaurant has other choices or he wouldn’t eat. Not that it’s a bad thing he is a little chunk a monk, but still a cutie pie.
Family will always stay
Boys will walk awake
Girls come and go
Family will always stay
March 19th, Tuesday
Back to school again, like i even want to be. First thing i see when i pull up to school is Cam and Dakota making out on the side of a bush. Definitely not how i wanted to start the day but thanks Cam way to ruin my day. Why was i ever stupid enough to think he liked me. But today is the day i’m going to prove i don’t need Cam to be happy. My girls are here, i can’t wait to see Amber and Karlie and laugh about everything that happened. But of course ask Karlie what Damian said when he found out she spent the night at my house with the boys.
“So he was like you’re lying and i was like no they spent the night at Maria’s and Amber and i were there too. Then he got mad and walked away but OMG! Three minutes later he came back and said sorry. I was so happy he didn’t stay mad.” Karlie and Damian get over everything really fast. So at least i had Karlie to cheer me up since i know Cam won’t.
It’s 5th period the class before lunch, this is the one class i have with Cam just got to get it out of the way. His class and mine are joined together today for a presentation. I take my seat in the far back corner by myself. Then he comes over. “Is this seat taken.” He points to the seat right next to me, i shake my head wishing it was though. But he sits down. “I told you i’m sorry i don’t know why you won’t forgive me.” Obviously he didn’t notice i saw them kissing this morning.
“Your lips are sweet but sting like a bee. Dakota better watch out i hear lies but she doesn’t hear anything. No, she just feels them on hers. Isn’t that right?” The color of Cam’s face is almost a cherry red. Man is he embarrassed. “Let me guess you're remembering the make out session with Dakota right now….yeah well i been remembering it all day.”
He leans over and whispers in my ear. “She still likes me. She started it not me.” A tear rolls down his left cheek. I don’t want him to cry, i wipe away his tear and hug him. The teacher announces for everyone to take their seat and be quiet. At that point Cam puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls are chairs together really close. I know what i saw but that’s in the past. Maybe he’s lying maybe he isn’t. I won’t know unless i talk to Dakota but that is definitely something i don’t want to do.
Today Cam really isn’t him, i’m not sure what it is. After 5th hour he just doesn't seem seem the same. I’m pretty sure something is wrong but i’m afraid to ask. I’ll just give him time. If he needs to talk he will come to me. Like why wouldn’t he were so close.
The school day comes to an end. Cam still hasn’t talked to me about what’s wrong. Then again i could be wrong maybe nothings wrong. That’s when Cam walks up to me. “Wanna go to the skatepark?” At least he’s talking to me. It does sound fun.
“Yeah i’d love too!” I smile.
“Awesome! Hey maybe i could teach you how to skate!”
“Haha you’re funny i would fall on my face.” We both laugh. I love his laugh.
“I wouldn’t let you fall, i promise.” Not sure how to respond to that so i don’t. We just walk in silence for a while. I didn’t even notice he grabbed my hand. It just feels so normal having my hand in his.
I see some people i know when we get to the park. Josh, Jace, Drake, Jon, Adam, Trent, and Vern, they all look our way when they see us. Those are the only guys i know here. But Jace and Jon run up to me and hug me so it’s alright. Right away i thought Cam would leave me for his friends but he doesn’t. Still holding my hand showing off he’s got a girl to everyone.
Watching him is pretty cool. He does these tricks that look simple but i know i could never do. I watch some of the other guys fail at them so obviously it isn’t really easy. But i watch some of the other guys do different tricks too. Some are even on bikes doing tricks with those too. I don’t understand how they do it. Trent and Vern sit with me for a little while so i’m not alone. But really i’m not all the guys are talking to me and being nice. It’s really a good day or good afternoon at least.
Josh wipes out and i freak out. My eyes bulge out of my head, i gasp, jump up and cover my mouth. Then he stands up and i swear my heart drops i am so relieved he’s okay. The guys laugh at me but i’m really not sure why. Jace yells to Cam “Give your girl a chill pill doesn’t she know everyone always wipes out. Like damn she might have a heart attack watching us. Haha!” Then i join in the laughing.
“Sorry i thought he got hurt.” I look at Cam he just smiles, shakes his head and laughs.
“Alright jumpie you ready to learn how to skate?” After what Jace just said and what Josh just did no. But i get up anyways. Cam takes my hand in his and puts the board in front of me. “Okay step on with your left foot in front. Then push off with your right in the back but on the opposite side you're standing right now. So in front of you.”
“But i’m scared.”
“Don’t worry i got you just hold my hands and i won't let you fall. I promise i’m not going to let you get hurt.” I do just like he says and definitely never let go of his hands. It seems easy while he holds me up but i’m afraid what will happen if i let go. “You ready to let go of me?” Instantly i shake my head, no way can I do it. But then i realize he’s trying to teach me so i have to take a chance. Then i nod. He let’s go i keep going, then i try going down the little ramp. He cheers and smiles as i do it. I’m actually learning how to ride a skateboard thanks to him. This is something i never thought i would do.
I had a lot of fun with the guys today. Learned something new and met some new people. Then out of no where it starts to rain. I laugh my ass off! Each of the guys throw off their shirts and keep going. “Hey Cam that’s not fair i want to take off my shirt!”
He looks to the guys then back to me. “Do it! Put on a little show for us, i know i’ll love it.” He laughs and i might have smiled. But i take off my shirt and let the water hit my stomach. I don’t even care that i’m in a bra in front of all these guys. But i am kind of mad about his comment and he knows i am. “Babe don’t get mad, you're so beautiful no matter what you are wearing…”Cam keeps talking but i interrupt him.
“Shut up and kiss me.” He does. Right there in front of everyone at the park. In the rain, shirtless. His hands around my waist pulling me close to him, his stomach is touching mine. Even if we were wearing shirts right now i am almost positive we could both still feel the heat between us. My hands are so cold but i have one around his waist and the other on his cheek. No one bothers to say anything but they all watch. I can feel their eyes staring right at me, as if their inside me like the flu, unwanted. Just a bother but can’t get rid of it.
Out of no where the rain turns into thunder and lightning. Most of us run to the other side of the park where there is shelter. But some of the older guys i don’t know stay. Who knows why they would even want too. Cam gives the suggestion that we all go to Jace’s house. Sprinting from tree to tree trying to hide from the rain each of us quickly make our way to Jace’s. Where his mom is making pizza and has blankets by the door for us. Only two blocks away and Jon almost gets hit by a car when he tries to play cool and run across the road at a bad time.
Each boy has their skateboard in one hand and hat in the other. Can’t run with a hat on it will fall off, at least the way they wear them. When we get to his front door Jace’s little sister opens the door. Each of us run inside to grab a blanket. Even though it really isn’t going to help unless we put dry clothes on.
Jon and Jace start fighting over the Ps3 controller. Not long later Jace kicks everyone out except for Cam and I. Jace and Cam are like brothers lately. Almost every night Cam stays over at Jace’s. Drake’s dad picks them all up which means more pizza for the three of us. Pizza turns into a food fight, led to gaming on the Ps3 ending with all of us cuddled on the couch watching a scary movie. But just like everything else the only one scared is Jace. Cam and i find the movie funny, nothing scary about it. But that’s just how we are. To us everything is always a joke.
After about two scary movies Jace says “I have had enough! Time for cartoons!” On goes spongebob squarepants and Jace is happy again. Cam pulls me close to him, wrapping his arms around me. I started to fall asleep every five or six minutes. But then Cam wakes me back up. Even though it is almost one in the morning i am not allowed to fall asleep. I shit you not he flicks me everytime i close my eyes.
But then he kisses me so softly. Like I'm an angel on water. I always heard everyone around me say don't chase after love. For Cam and I, love chased after us. Nothing was going to separate us. Not an ex girlfriend/boyfriend, no bitch parents, no kids from school, absolutely nothing was going to come between us. Even though he wasn't really mine it felt like he was. I can't say say that enough. He always told me I was his and i never disagreed. The hard part about not being with him is everytime i see him i remember i lost him. Yet at the same time i feel like he’s mine again. Everything with Cam is so difficult.
That’s when we realize Jace fell asleep. I turned off the Tv so he wouldn’t get woken up by the sound. “Hey cutie are you tired?” But Cam shook his head.
“Maria i have to ask you something and i’m being serious.” He paused to kiss me. “If we wouldn’t have broke up do you think we would have lasted this whole time? Be honest with me.”
“Honestly i do. We did have our mistakes but we got past them. Without you i’m a mess, haha. Together were perfect.” His eyes look into mine and we both smile.
I really want to stay awake. It’s not often i get to spend time with Cam and nobody bothers us. But there is school tomorrow and Jace’s bus comes early. Cam turns out the light, caries Jace to his bed and i tuck him in. We steal one of Jace’s pillows and take a blanket from the living room couch. Both of us cuddle together and try and fall asleep.
Then Jace starts talking in his sleep. I can’t sleep because he’s too loud. Cam is getting mad because he knows i wanna get some sleep but Jace is preventing that from happening.
As Cam starts to get up and go do something not too nice to Jace i stop him.
“Hey, Cam don’t get mad. I can fix this, give me a second.” I grab my phone and put some music on. Low enough not to keep us up but loud enough to block out Jace. “Look at that, can’t even here Jace. Now we can both fall asleep and not be mad.”
One more goodnight kiss than Cam lays his head on my chest. I play with his hair for awhile to calm him down. Not long later he’s out like a light. It’s easy for me to fall asleep. How couldn’t i? My whole world is sleeping cuddle up next to me.
To bad i can’t fall asleep. I’m afraid that when i wake up he will be gone. Or everything will be different. No good morning kiss and how did you sleep. He will probably just push me aside like nothing happened.
That’s the tough thing about Cam. He changes his mind a lot so i never know what he thinks of me. Some days i’m like his girlfriend others i’m hardly a friend.
I guess in the morning i will have to wait and see what he chooses me to be.
March 20th, Wednesday
He’s still here. Hasn’t left yet. “Good morning sunshine.” Looks like someone’s in a good mood today. Some how Jace and Cam both woke up before me. Now that’s a surprise they both love to sleep.
“Drake called asked if you and I wanted to go to his house tonight for a campfire. His girlfriend is coming over, Kelly. She doesn’t go to our school but Drake is excited for us to meet her.” How did Drake get a girl and i didn’t know. “A few other couples are going. I figured you would be okay if we went as a couple.”
As i start to change into my blue jeans Jace tosses me a shirt i can wear. “I’ll go. But do you know if Damian and Karlie are going?”
“Yeah they are! Jace is coming too because Kelly’s friend will be there and Drake doesn’t want her to be alone. Although we took a vote and Jace isn’t any better than alone.” We all laugh. Jace friendly punches Cam. Tonight does sound fun and i would love to meet Drake’s girlfriend.
“Tonight sounds fun, yeah i’m in. Wheres the fire?”
“Haha, it’s by the creek over by Drake’s house. After Kelly and her friend get picked up the rest of us are camping out there. If you don’t want to i’ll take you home.”
When i was little dad use to always take me camping. I loved it as a child i’m sure i still will. “I love camping! If there is room for me i am definitely staying.” Throwing on Jace’s shirt Cam hands me my make-up bag. I gesture that i will be right back as i head over to the bathroom. Having a campfire by the creek sounds awesome. I can’t wait but what do i tell mom? Of course she’s going to ask where i was last night and if i’m coming home tonight. Once i finish up my make-up i go back by Cam. Only a few more minutes till the bus comes better call mom quick.
The phone doesn’t ring long and she answers. “Maria? Where are you? You didn’t come home last night. Did you go to Jace’s again?”
“Hi mom. Yes i went to Jace’s again. I won’t be home tonight either. I’m going to stay at Karlie’s for a science project.”
She doesn’t answer right away.
“Okay, would you like me to drop off some clothes at school for you? Or do you need some money? I’ll just drop off both.”
“Alright thanks mom.” Cam taps my shoulder to show the bus is here. “Mom i have to go the bus is here. Okay, love you bye.”
“Love you too, don’t forget it’s a half day! Bye sweetie.”
Oh my god i think we all forgot it’s a half day. Or maybe just i did, whatever i’m guessing Cam has everything planned out for him and i. I can just go with him after schools. We get on the bus and all three of us go in the back seat by Josh and Ally. I wasn’t thrilled to sit by Ally and Cam could see that on my face. He pulled me close to him and we sat in the seat right in front of Ally. After we sat down Ally tapped Cam’s shoulder. “Cam why don’t you come sit by me. There’s plenty of room.”
Cam laughed in her face. Which made me feel a little better. She gave him a look and he shook his head. I felt special he picked me over Ally. Meanwhile Jace and Josh are laughing their asses off that Ally got rejected. It is pretty funny, no guy ever tells her no.
“Cam, where are we going after school? It’s a half day remember.” Clearly he didn’t remember because his face just went blank as i said that.
“Yeah, umm.” He looks to Josh. “Hey can Maria and i come over after school till we go to Drake’s for his fire?”
“Yeah no problem but my bro is going to be home too.”
“That’s fine.” Cam looks back to me. “We can go to Josh’s house. Haha, i forgot it was a half day. Thanks for reminding me babe.”
Ally has that angry face again. Hmm someone must be jealous. Josh starts laughing when he sees Ally’s face. It’s so red you would think she is a tomato.
Josh manages to talk through his laughter. “Wow Ally, someone is jelly of Cam’s love.” Her face turns even more red. That totally embarrassed her. Then Cam stands up. “Hey guys cut her some slack. Nobody can resist this.” He runs his hands from his shoulders down to his hips. The whole bus starts laughing. All except the bus driver who yells at Cam for standing on the bus seat. Ally slides down in her seat and hides her face. Till i sit up and look over.
“No one steals Cam from me. But good try.” Cam sits up and kisses me in front of her.
This is the beginning of a new us. A new Cam and Maria. Better, stronger and tougher. This time we aren’t going to separate. If we fight we're going to get threw it, if he likes someone else he can get over it, this is the real deal. No puppy dog love anymore.
School starts and everyone is so excited it’s a half day. Cam, Jace and Josh walk me to my class. First hour is boring, i talk to a few people then class is over. Next few class periods go by. Now it’s 6B, the hour right after lunch, which we don't get to have today. Jace, Josh and Ally are in my class. All four of us ditch and meet Cam and Drake in the back gym room. We all hang out here and listen to music. We have a hiding spot for food and soda. It’s a lot of fun skipping class and not once have we gotten caught.
Josh must have a thing for Ally because they are making out. When Cam sees he starts kissing me. I love how he’s kissing me so soft and sweet. Then once i start to pull him closer he makes out with me. Everything with him and i is so natural. I can’t say it enough i love this boy.
Drake here’s someone coming so we all hide. Knock, knock, knock, knock. It’s Karlie. We let her in. “Bells going to ring soon. I have gym thought i would let you know.” We start to put the snacks and drinks away. Right as we finish the bell rings and we all leave. Easy as that nobody got caught.
Cam and I don’t want to go to our next class. But only two more then schools over. All the classes are so much shorter. I feel the time flying by but don’t even realize it. Before i know it schools over and Cam, Josh and I are on our way to Josh’s house.
Most the time i am the only girl. That’s how it’s always been this year and last. The guys are way less drama, once and a while i hang out with a girl friend. But the guys i’m friends with are way funnier and cool. Just always happened that i made plans with the guys first.
At Josh’s house I find a box of brownie fix. “Yo Josh! Can I make some brownies?” Being Josh he had no idea he even had brownie mix. But he was pumped when i said i was making them.
“Go ahead but i want some!” Josh makes me laugh. He is such a card.
The guys find all the ingredients and i read the directions. Then were cooking. One by one we each throw things into a mixing bowl. When it comes time to crack eggs Josh and Cam both fail. But i take over while they fight over who gets to mix everything together. Such children, even at this age fighting over who gets to mix the batter and who gets to lick the bowl. Cam threw a fit and came by me because Josh got to mix the brownie batter.
Once it was mixed i told Josh to taste it. See if we made it right, so he does and puts some on my face. I get some on my finger and put it on Cam’s face, who puts it on my face, and on my lips. As i was about to wipe it off he kisses me. To me it was really cute, but in reality probably wasn’t. “Hey Maria!” Josh stuck his whole hand in the batter. Then as i turned around he shoved his hand in my face. “Haha! Nice hand face!” We all thought it was very funny. Cam grabbed a towel and washed my face off for me.
While some of the batter was being taken off my face, Josh found a pan to put the rest of the batter in. Cam forgot to preheat the oven. Now i have too and it will take a little while to warm up. Sometimes i swear boys have no brain. In the mean time Josh’s brother gets home and starts asking Josh why there is a girl in the house. All Josh says is she’s just a friend. But his brother won’t leave. “Sure she’s ‘just a friend’ whatever you say little bro.” Cam and I can tell Josh is getting mad.
I wipe off my hands then reach a hand out to Josh’s brother. “Hey i’m Maria. Cam’s ex girlfriend.” That got a chuckle out of Josh and a red face from Cam.
“I’m Josh’s older brother Sam.” He looks around the kitchen at the mess. Then drops my hand.
“Sorry about the mess. I saw brownie mix and asked if we could make them. I’ll clean it all up before i leave.”
Sam had nothing to say but, “Alright, well i’ll be downstairs if you guys” He pauses ”and girl need anything.”
After Sam leaves Cam, Josh and i all look at each other and burst out laughing. By now the oven must be heated enough. In go the brownies and set the time. To Josh’s room for video games. If only Cam would have been a little slower i would get to play against Josh first. But nope he beat me to the controller like always. Not long later the brownies are done. I eat a couple but the guys eat the rest.
After a few hours of gaming Drake called and said we could come over. Cam asked Sam if he would give us a ride, i payed for gas and everything was good. Once we arrived at Drake’s everyone else had already arrived. Drake right away introduces us to Kelly and her friend Brittany. Good thing Brittany is more on the shorter side, because so is Jace. Both of them are holding hands.
We all start to walk to the creek. While we walk everyone is holding hands with the person they like. Cam and i, Jace and Brittany, Drake and Kelly, Damian and Karlie, and Jon and Amber. Drake and Jon set up the tents by the creek last night. Then brought all the food and campfire supplies earlier before everyone went to Drake’s. The boys set up five tents one for each couple and then Jace and Drake had their own. Once Kelly’s dad met Drake he decided to let Kelly and Brittany spend the night. Now each couple had their own tent.
None of us go in the tents. Karlie and I lay out a bunch of blankets for all of us to sit on. The boys cook hotdogs on the fire and the girls roast marshmallows to make smores. After all of us eat, Jon being the crazy guy he is goes running and jumps into the creek. Amber follows in after him. All of us go in except for Kelly and Brittany. Sense they didn’t plan on spending the night they don’t have extra clothes.
I looked up at Kelly and Brittany and saw they were bored. “Kelly! Brittany! Come in! Between all of us girls i’m sure we have extra clothes you two could wear.” Huge smiles appeared on their face’s. Each of them kicked off their shoes, got a running start and jumped in. Water flowing around us, guys splashing girls and little fish nibbling at our toes. A little ways down the creek Damian sees a big tree with a rope hanging off a branch. He yells to Jace, “Look down there Jace!” As he points to the tree Jace sees the rope and starts to swim. Every guy follows Jace and Damian, while the girls stare blankly at one another. Stars start to appear in the sky, a full moon shines bright. Then i see him, his wet hair flopped over his face, and that happy smile. Oh that smile.
Splashing around the water, just a guy and his friends. Not trying to show off because girls are watching, just being himself. In my eyes it’s a picture perfect movie right in front of me.
Damian and Jon ask Amber and Karlie if they want to go for a walk. With this beautiful night of course they said yes. Off they went to return who knows when. While they walked away Drake and Kelly tried to sneak away even though we all saw we just let them go. Knowing Drake he was probably going to go far enough away we can’t hear them, but not far enough to where he gets lost. He will push her up against a tree and make out with her, because that’s just Drake.
Only ones left at our little campsite are Jace, Brittany, Cam and I. First things first i better get Brittany some clothes to wear she looks cold. “Brittany catch!” She catches the black volleyball sweatpants and red sweatshirt. Drake and Cam look away while she changes, she doesn’t have anything to wear under but she’s warmer now at least.
Jace, Cam and I go to change. Cam thought it would be cute if i wore his shirt, so i did with some of my own blue jeans. He was right i do look kinda cute in his shirt. When Brittany sees me she just smiles, “You two have to take a picture together. You both look so cute.” I’m not going to argue i want to take a picture. Thanks to Brittany we do take a picture together and i couldn’t be more happier.
Everyone comes back, changes and takes a seat around the fire. The best part about right now is every girl is wearing their guys sweatshirt. Each time i breath i smell Cam. His warm sweatshirt wrapped around me feels so perfect. It feels like i’m being hugged by a cloud. Fluffy, soft and warm. All the girls look so cute, then there’s the guys. They don’t care what they look like because they know their girl already likes them. No need to impress them now.
When the starry night turns into a thunder storm everyone says goodnight and runs to their tent. As me and Cam enter our tent my phone goes off. A text from Ashton.
Ashton: Football at your house!?
Me: Can’t out camping, we will have to get the gang together when i get back. For a makeup game!
Ashton: Yes! Text me when you get back.
Me: Sounds like a plan! (:
Cam tries to steal my phone to see who i’m texting. But when he realizes he won’t get it from me he gives up. Then it becomes a tackle and tickle fight between us. Which isn’t fair, i have a disadvantage being a girl. Cam is a lot stronger than me. “I love you hun.” My face goes blank, did Cam really just say he loves me.
The storm doesn’t seem to be lightening up. All the other tents are quiet. Only ones still awake are Cam and I, to bad he has all the energy in the world. That’s when he pulls me close. Practically lifts me on top of him, then cuddles me close. He’s surprisingly a good pillow. Right next to us is a big blanket, when i look at it Cam grabs it and wraps me up with it.
It gets later and later. A yawn slips out and Cam kisses my forehead, “Night babe, you can go to bed.” I was tired. Cuddling closer to him getting warm and comfortable, my eyes start to shut. Before i know it i’m sleeping.
March 21st, Thursday
I wake up to find Cam missing. Instead of freaking out i thought to myself he is probably outside the tent with everyone else. Opening the tent i everyone but Cam and I. Starting to panic a little. “Has anyone seen Cam? I just woke up and he’s not here.” Shaking heads that’s all i see. Now i start to panic. Quickly sliding on my shoes then i get out of the tent. “No one saw him leave? Really you guys i have no idea where he is!” Apparently they all think i’m joking, all except for Drake.
“Don’t worry Maria, he’s got to be around here somewhere.” Turning his head to Damian. “Damian can take the girls back to my house to get picked up and the rest of us will go look for Cam. If something did happen to him we will find him.”
I guess i do feel a little better knowing the guys are going to help look. I’ll be so heartbroken if something did happen to him. I can’t imagine what i would do if he’s hurt. Seeing Andrew hurt was hard. Him and i didn’t even have a thing but i was still hurt seeing him hurt.
Skipping school again to searching the whole woods all day long. Still no sign of Cam. I’m really freaking out. There is no way he went to school. Tomorrow Drake and I are going to go to his house, then to Dakota’s house.
March 22, Friday
Nine in the morning Drake is at my door ready to go to Cam’s. Not sure if we will find him but our hopes are up. With my luck he won’t be there. “I’m worried.” My hands are shaking, it’s getting harder to breath and i just might faint.
Walking up to his door i start to turn around. Stopping myself to think what if this is the only option.
*Knock* *Knock*
Zana opens the door. “Hi Drake and Maria? What are you doing here?”
I look to Drake wondering who’s going to answer. It just seems easier if i do.
“We’re wondering if Cam is here. A bunch of us friends went camping and when we woke up he was gone. We looked all over in the woods. No sign of him.”
“Did you check his friend Dakota’s house. He goes there a lot. But no he isn’t home.”
I’m pretty sure my heart just stopped. “We did check there. Dakota hasn’t seen or talked to him since school.” Tears appear in her eyes. “Can we talk to your mom. She should really hear what has happened. Cam needs to be found.”
Nodding her head yes we come into the house. Cam’s mom is sitting in the kitchen. Each of us pull up a seat next to her and explain what has happened.
After crying she decides we need to look some more. Then if he isn’t found file a missing child report. Right away Drake calls the other guys and tells them to look anywhere they haven’t yet. When Cam’s mom looks to me be both start to cry. Before she says, “You know Cam the best where would he go?”
“I looked everywhere.” Quick moment to think. “Wait! The bush!” They both look at me like i’m crazy. “For awhile when Cam and i were sneaking around as a couple there was this big bush that was bear on the inside. From the outside you couldn’t even tell someone was in there. He called it his safe spot. Do you think he would have gone there? It’s just down the road from the big park.”
No questions asked. No talking at all. We get in the car and drive straight to the bush. On the way Drake calls the guys and tells them to meet us there. Josh’s house is right by the big park, they will get there first and let us know if he is there or not.
Josh texts Drake when they are approaching the bush. We are still about 5 minutes away.
To get to the bush we have to go off road. leaving the car parked in the grass each of us start walking. After our little journey to the bush we see Josh. We get closer then Josh and Jace come running over. “Don’t go over there.” They each stop Cam’s mom and I.
Drake goes ahead to the opening of the bush. Looks in and then back to me. “Is Cam in there?” No answer.
Josh and Jace try to hold us back but we run ahead. Josh grabs me right as i’m at the door and overs my eyes. Jace does the same to Cam’s mom. But they were too late we saw him already.
“No! No! Cam! No!” Cam’s mom falls to the ground crying. Drake and Jace try to comfort her. Meanwhile Josh keeps holding me in his arms. Trying to stop me from saying no over and over again.
“Josh he’s gone. He’s gone. I’m never going to hear his voice. See him smile, he’s gone. Why? Why did he do this?” Crying my eyes out Josh steps back to get something out of his pocket.
“We found this next to Cam.” Josh hands me a folded up piece of paper. “I’m guessing it’s a love letter for you. Since there is a heart on it.”
The note reads.
Dear Maria,
Love letters aren’t supposed to be delivered this way but it’s the only option i have. I knew i had to leave and our safe spot felt like the perfect place to do so. This way whenever you need me or don’t feel safe i can look over you in our safe spot. I figured you would be able to find me here if you really cared enough to look for me. Obviously you do, i’m really sorry i left. But i knew i couldn’t be with you and it killed me not to be. No way would i be able to forgive myself if i hurt you again. I love you and will look out for you every day until you join me. There is just one thing i need you to do for me. MY life dream was to find my dad and just tell him about my life and see how he turned out to be. Could you please do that for me. I guess this is goodbye until i see you again. Don’t worry i’ll be fine until you're here and you will do just fine where you are.
Love, Cam
When i look up from the letter still crying i see everyone is looking at me. Through the tears i say, “He wanted to leave. This was on purpose.”
When his mom hears that she starts crying even harder. Drake calls the cops to tell them what has happened. Josh calls my mom to tell her where i am and what happened. But i zone out into my own world, holding the letter close to my heart. I hear Cam’s voice, “I love you Maria. Don’t worry i got you, i won’t let you fall. No one can hurt you.” Cam’s right no one can hurt me, because after this, feeling this pain i won’t ever feel pain worse then this again.
After several hours of questions and be thrown left and right having to do something, my mom is finally allowed to take me home. To where she has me pack my bags and takes me to the hospital, fourth floor.
“Mom why do i have to go to fourth flood?”
Without even looking at me. “Because dear i won’t want you to take your life because you miss a boy.”
Not sure how to answer to that i just choose not too.
Before i know it we are at the hospital. My phone gets taken away. I’m not allowed pencil and paper. If i want to right someone else has to do it for me. Ruining everything for me. Only good news is i’m only here for a couple days. Just until the funeral. After that, moms making the family move to California. My sister will stay with my dad but i’ll have to leave.
March 24, Sunday
Your heart lives with me,
I carry your love.
I know where you are,
I’m never alone.
You're my light in day,
stars in the sky.
I miss you like crazy,
see you soon baby.
March 25th, Monday
Mom picks me up in ten minutes. I’m getting the hell out of here. Although i don’t get to go to a better place. Cam’s funeral is the last place i want to go. I can say goodbye to him my own way not see his body be put underground.
Standing around the casket. Jace on my left and Josh of my right. Both holding my hands while Drake stands behind me with his arms wrapped around me. All of Cam’s other friends are here to but these three are concerned about me. Lower and lower. Down he goes, never to be able to kiss him again. Already missing him more and more every second. We all throw a hand full of dirt on the casket to show our love for Cam. Each time Cam gets lower in the ground i whisper i love you, again and again.
Mom did most my packing. I have 30 minutes to throw my laptop, phone and headphones into my backpack before we leave for the airport. No goodbye to my friends. All i’ll remember of them is seeing them at the funeral. Now it’s off. Mom wants me out of this town and out of this state. In four hours i’m going to be boarding a plane to California. All our stuff is at the house. Kevin and my little brother are there. Now mom and I just have to join them.
Waiting for the okay to get on the plane. My hearts racing, soon i’m going to be states away from my friends.
*You may now board flight 61*
Here we go. No more cold winters. No more best friends. I have to start all over. The worst part is i can’t even go to my safe spot. No physical way of really being with Cam. Only in my heart.
Looking out the window the plane lifts off the ground.
“Goodbye old life, hello new life.”
June 30, Tuesday
I convinced my mom to let me go back to Wisconsin for a couple days as my birthday present. I’m staying at Jace’s house.
“Maria! Get out here breakfast is ready!” Hearing Jace yell at me in the morning reminds me of old memories. But i should go eat. One step out of the room.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIA!” Everyone is here. From Jace and the guys too Amber and my football group.
“Haha! Thanks guys this is great.” Theres pancakes and bacon at the table. Left and right i’m getting hugs and presents from everyone. Jace promised me last night he would take me to my safe spot. Just so i could feel close to Cam on my special day.
Damian and Karlie got me the best present of all. Three huge picture frames full of pictures. One with pictures of Cam and I, another one of my girls and I, and the last was any good memories i had with my friends. Today was going to be hell, trying to get to see all my friends. Going here then there, all over town, i’m so glad all my friends are together. My guess is they all have plans for today. Maybe i should stop over at my dads, see how him and Sarah are doing.
Jace pulls me aside from the group to talk. “Okay here’s the plan, the group is splitting up soon into three groups. First you, Josh, Drake, Jon and I are going to your safe spot. You’re dad is picking you up there at noon and taking you to lunch. Where an hour later Drake and Zana will pick you up to go to Cam’s house, his mom wants to see how you’re doing and has a present for you. Later Karlie is taking you to her house with your football group for a night of fun. Then she will bring you back here tomorrow morning.”
Jace has my whole birthday planned out. What a great friend, this will be a great birthday thanks to Jace. “Thanks Jace! Because of you i’m going to have a great birthday.” We hug for a little while then go back to the group. Each of my friends says goodbye tell later. Now to my safe spot! Can’t wait to be close to Cam again, i miss him so much. The guys have seen me cry so much the last couple months. I’m starting to feel bad for them, but again today as we walk up to the bush i start to cry. Josh pulls me in close.
“We been missing Cam just as much as you. So we made a sitting spot around where we found him that night. That way whenever we miss Cam theres room for us to be by him.”
Laying down on a blanket, eyes closed, and looking at the stars. Starting to fall asleep i hear Cam’s voice. I know it’s just in my head.
“You guys! I never did what Cam asked me to do in his note. He asked me to find his dad!”
At first they were lost. Until Drake Josh remembered. “Okay well when Drake takes you to his house maybe his mom can tell you something that will help.”
*2 hours later/12:00pm*
Dad and Sarah pick me up. I got the biggest hug from them i didn’t think they would ever let go! Dad takes us to the grandparents house and his whole side of the family is there. Felt like forever before we got to eat. So many hugs and questions. To many times i heard sorry. But finally sitting down to eat with the family is nice. Grandma made dessert and Drake and Zana made perfect timing. Right as we all finished eating they were knocking at the door.
*30 minute car ride/1:00pm*
Zana was so happy to see me, she ran into the house yelling for her mom dragging me by the hand behind her. When her mom came out of the kitchen she has a present for me in her hand. She looked at me to open it right away. It’s all of Cam’s things. His favorite sweatshirt, skateboard, hat and childhood videos. Zana threw one of the videos in the tv for us all to watch. “I actually have some questions i want to ask first.” Zana and her mom take a seat by me. “Cam asked me to find his dad. See what he’s like. Is there anything you know, like how i could get ahold of him or where he is?”
She isn’t responding. I wonder if i shouldn’t have asked.
“I don’t know where his dad is. But i have his number, he calls once every couple weeks to see how Cam and Zana are doing. See what new things happened but he never wants to talk to them. When i told him what happenend to Cam he stopped calling. If you want his number.” She stops to grab paper and a pen. “Here it is.”
Now i have the number and i can do what Cam asked me to do. “Thank you! Now let’s watch those videos of little Cam.”
*Many laughs/5:00pm*
Karlie picks me up from Cam’s. We stop for some pizza then meet the rest of the group at her house. It was hard not to eat the pizza before we got there. She has a scary movie on the big screen and a big set up for football later. Of course she had water balloons because whats football without a water fight. Part of me wants to cry, soon i have to go back to California. Leave my friends, possibly to never see them again with school starting in a couple months. I’ll be stuck, thousands of miles away from them.
That doesn’t matter right now. We all eat six pizzas and three boxes of bread sticks. Now it’s the time to have fun and make more memories than ever! Then Damian says “That’s it everyone outside it’s game time!” All of us go running to the yard. Waterballoons are being thrown, football going all over and Karlie's siblings are spraying the hose at us.
No one has scored yet. But we are all covered in grass. None of us even know where to run or who to throw the ball too. As for the water balloons we all know where to throw those. At one another! The night grows longer and we decide to head inside. Karlie and Damian make cookies and popcorn. Movie time again, horror movies before bed. Doesn’t sound like a very good idea but we do it anyways.
“Ahh!” A ghost jumps out from behind the bed! I jump out of my seat and land on Karlie. “I don’t like this movie. It’s scary.” I must be the only one who thinks that. Now my friends are laughing at me, to bad Cam isn’t here to laugh at me too.