I love my dad, i could not have asked for a better one. He would do literally anything for me, when he's at work and i ask him to pick me up he leaves all his work behind and he comes and get me. When i'm short on money he will provide me no matter how large the amount is. And i could go on for countless hours telling you why he is the best but i won't because that is not what this story is about. This story is about something im struggling with, something i've carried with me for 8 years now and it's destroying me from the inside out. But before i tell you my secret i want to let you know what my family is like. We are a family of four, my parents my little sister and me. all of us love animals, we have a cat (picked up from the shelter) and a giant and very loving dog. We have the perfect family both of my parents are hard working and provide me and my sister for everything we desire. We go on vacation at least twice a year and take trips to theme parks or to the zoo for instant. Sounds good don't you think? Let's jump back 8 years in time, it was 2007 and i was 12 at the time. I loved computers and i always tried to find out new stuff on my dad's laptop. he always had his mail open and at one time when i was browsing the internet i saw an email pop up from a dating site. I confronted my dad with it but he said it was just spam and at first i believed him but after a few more mails from dating sites popped up i started getting suspicious, I was pretty handy with computers and i found out his password and registration name for the dating site and luckily i found out that he wasn't talking to anyone. I told myself i should probably back off and let it be, even if there was more to it i didnt even want to know because i was terrified. So as i said i let it be for a few years until i started thinking about it again at the age of 14, at this time i was even more handy with computers and i tried to find out if it was still going on and unfortunately it was.... I found out that my dad was having sex with multiple women very often and the only positive thing was that it was purely sexual and not emotial, if you can call that positive.... At first i was furious and i was about to tell my mom when she got home from work but then a little voice in my head told me to reconcider that and so i did. I thought about it for a long time, a really long time. I thought about what the concecenses would be if I told my mom and believe me they were not nice. My mom is such an honest person and im sure she will never do what my dad did to her so she would be absolutely devestated if i told her, no matter how badly I wanted to tell her i just couldn't. I love my mother way to much to do her so much pain. And what would happen to our perfect little family? It would most definitely not exist anymore. And so at the age of 14 i decided to take this secret into my grave, if i wont i will rip my whole family apart and i just can't let that happen. I still love my dad ofcourse and i will have to live with it no matter what. I've lived with it for 8 years now and i honestly have to say that it is really breaking me up, I have the feeling like I can't live with this the rest of my life but on the other hand I dont want to destroy my family because I love them all so much. To be completely honest with you I even thought about killing myself once or twice, i know that seems a bit harsh but believe me this is harder then you'd think. I can't talk about this with anyone, everyone i know my dad knows too and even though i hate him deeply for cheating on my mom i still don't want other people to think bad about him. Also this whole situation got me addicted to alcohol, whenever i think about my dad (which is a lot) i grab some booze to ease the pain.
Well this was my story, most of you will probably think it's crap but honestly i don't care, i just wanted to get this of my chest letting you guys know what's bothering me, maybeeven find someone who can relate to this. thanks for reading this is actually the first time i ever wrote and im from The Netherlands so please dont mind my grammar mistakes.
Sincerely,
Jojo