By now, you sort of know what people you’re apparently close to think of you, including the part of you not putting in adequate efforts to keep the relations going.
It’s true you look for comfort and have qualms about moving out of your comfort zone. Doesn’t everyone?
You scare easy. People think you’re selfish and never happy. Didn’t they know it before? It’s hard to miss when you’ve been donning the “keep away” look since forever.
It’s not like they don’t make you happy, but expression has always been a problem. Moreover, not needing the happiness and not going after it seems like the best way to deal with the complicated spectrum of human emotions.
It’s not that you don’t want to be around people because you hate them, it’s just that you start hating yourself when you’re with them for long. You start to wonder about all that’s wrong with you. But essentially, nothing is wrong with you!
And sometimes, very rarely, you wish you were someone else.
Those times in your internal struggle, you’re seen as dramatic or someone with an attitude problem that needs fixing. You don’t need them to laugh it off, they do anyway.
Your sadness can’t be shrugged off in 10 minutes and the grief spell could last longer than you wished for, but the lack of articulation on your part could lead them into believing things you never want them to, you know they’re important to you. But you should be important to you too. And that’s precisely why you wouldn’t hold anything against them if they decide to go their way, you’ll be okay even with the label of no effort.