No, it's NOT love!

I don't think there is any such need of anyone having to say this, but I believe that an explicit warning message is considered to be a standard formality (some might even say formal obligation) before portraying one's views on sensitive topics like the one I'm about to rant about.

So here goes. This is my statutory message to all readers - 

I will be criticizing the concept of love, or to put it more frankly, the people who THINK they're in love. If you can handle it, please read on. If you can't, or feel offended in some way, please, put your logical caps on, and feel free to skip over. This is simply me arranging my thoughts in front of you, and in no way are they 100% accurate. 

That, and I'm not saying, "This is how the world works". These are simply my opinions. If you can relate to them, fine. If you can't/don't (huge difference), fine.

Now that all that is out of the way, let's get on with it, shall we?

Love - what a rejoice, isn't it? That rush of adrenaline, those goosebumps you get upon physical contact with them, that thudding in your heart when they look you in the eye, that feeling of security when they're in proximity to you, etc. Indeed, being in love is an amazing feeling. Knowing you're the number one priority of someone also feels amazing.

For the past two weeks, I've been reading a lot of posts on this website, and I've found that a lot of people have an unfortunate inability to distinguish between being infatuated towards (having a crush on) someone, and actually loving someone.

Let's take a step back. Let's delve into reality for a moment. Has anyone heard about the 'mere exposure effect'? It's a strategy market strategists use to make you form implicit bonds with a certain product. Can you name the first three brands that come to your mind when I say - 'Sports Shoes'? I bet at least one your brand is in the following list - Nike, Adidas, Fila, Puma.

How does this happen? Simple - market strategists display huge colorful posters wherever humanly possible - bus stops, on buses, public toilets, on terraces, prominent restaurants, etc. They sign multi-million dollar contracts with celebrities. When you look at a poster of your favorite celebrity wearing a watch of a certain brand, your subconscious flares up and says, "Hey, this celebrity is really cool, and since he/she is wearing this watch, there's no doubting that it, too, is cool." This, my friends, is called 'implicit association'. Here's a comic I've made to elaborate better:

This very thing is what makes us blind in the field of affection. Before I delve into any more technicalities, let me restrain myself from doing so. Let's try to understand what implicit association has to do with romance, shall we?

If anyone is a big fan of Bollywood and feels offended, I apologize. Isn't this, however, the typical cliche often sprinkled on top of the movies we adore? By watching the same theme repeatedly, we form an implicit association with the way love is portrayed in films. It could also be one of the major driving forces for Indians' obsession with the concept of 'fair skin = good looking', and so, so much more.

Quite often, we form implicit associations with the people we're fond of. Another 'casual' word for 'implicit association' is 'stereotyping'. What is the stereotype for your ideal partner? For the ladies, it might be a man who's tall, has fair skin, is well built, possesses a great sense of humor, yadda yadda. For the men, it's generally a woman who's slim by the waist, has graceful facial features, is possessive, etc. Where have we derived these stereotypes from? Exactly. Movies and celebrities. See where I'm going with this?

The truth is - everyone has a fantasy of their own version of an 'ideal' Prince/Princess Charming; a VERY detailed version, might I add. The attributes of your ideal person come from a variety of sources - favorite celebrities, a role model perhaps, or even your own parents.

Are you with me? Really, you're still here? Alrighty then, we've established the following till now:

(Movies + external influences) -> Mere exposure effect -> Implicit association (stereotyping) -> (Concept of love + Ideal person)

When do you crush on someone? When you're absolutely infatuated with them. Now, plug this in the above chain, and you have ... *cue drum roll* ta-da! You now realize that a crush is simply a

physical manifestation (full or partial) of your ideal person. 

It may so happen that, looks wise, your ideal person might not even come close to this 'actual' person. But you're still crazy about them. Why is that? Long answer short, it's probably SOMETHING they do - some infinitesimally small gesture, that makes you associate them with your ideal person. If you're having trouble visualizing this, try to correlate this scenario with the fairness cream scenario shown above.

All this, and we haven't even talked to this person as of yet. It's obvious that your infatuation will grow exponentially if you two start talking to each other.

Where do things go horribly wrong, then? Remember when I told you this? 

everyone has a fantasy of their own version of an 'ideal' Prince/Princess Charming.

Note the words 'own version' very carefully. That's where things go awry. You see, just because you find an instance of your ideal person in him/her, does by no means, mean that he/she sees his/her instance of his/her ideal person in you!

People who are currently experiencing these situations - you know, the 'why-can't-you-see-how-much-I-love-you' or 'why-can't-you-love-me-the-way-I-love-you' situations, you're NOT in love. Please, stop this misunderstanding. 

You're just hopelessly crushing over a person who sees no 'ideal person material' in you.

I'm sorry to be this harsh, but according to me, this is the truth. And yes, just because their version doesn't match you doesn't mean you should go try and change their perspective.

But alas, we aren't done yet, for there is one more vital explanation for this 'one-sided love' you think you're experiencing - Cognitive Dissonance. In brief, it's a state wherein 

People start to believe and 'love' the things you have to suffer for. 

Since you're already feeling down due to the fact that he/she doesn't see you as an ideal partner, cognitive dissonance actually makes it worse. If you're really interested in knowing more about this 'thingy', click here to read my previous post, where I explain cognitive dissonance in excruciating detail.

This also explains the concept of the so-called 'FRIENDZONE' perfectly, doesn't it? How can you MAKE someone love you? You just can't. It'll be better to accept this fact and move on, rather than wallowing in lies and deception.

What is true love, then? How do you meet 'The One'? (Again,) According to me, it's just a matter of time. It's all a game of probability, after all. There will come AT LEAST one person who will want AT LEAST one or more characteristics you possess in his/her 'ideal' person.

I hope my ranting has knocked some sense in you, provided you've actually read the whole article. I would like to reiterate - these are merely my OPINIONS, so please don't get offended if I've seemingly corrupted the idea of 'love' for you. If you have been offended, again, I apologize.

Till next time, then!