The Case of The Cloudily-Conspicuous Conscience

** A brief preface **

I’ve found countless ideas and musings over at Reddit. If you aren’t already familiar with it, I highly suggest you visit the website and browse through the /r/books, /r/writingprompts, /r/philosophy, /r/askreddit, and /r/IAmA subreddits. I truly believe it (Reddit) is a goldmine for writers and readers alike, especially ‘Ask Reddit’. The theme? Millions of people from around the globe answer a seemingly easy question. What’s so special about that, you might ask? Well, two things - It helps you identify certain faiths, views, and/or stereotypes that you thought you never had, and proves the fact that no open-ended question has a truly definite answer. Alrighty, cue the drum roll!

P.S.: This article will be written in a 'research paper' sort of way. I'm currently experimenting with different writing styles. Please bear with me and critique the style in the comments.

P.S. (2): For all those who feel lazy and just want to read the argument, head on to points V and VI.

I: The Question

The inspiration for my article comes from a question asked on AskReddit – “Why is your ex-best friend your ex-best friend?” This, for me, is the perfect open-ended question, because it is unambiguous, unbiased, relatable, and you can expect a plethora of personal stories and points-of-view; that is, the question has an equally open-ended answer.

Ironically, the very question “What is the perfect open-ended question?” is also an open-ended question! Moreover, open-ended questions prevent anyone (regardless of position and/or authority) from stomping around and saying, “Only MY interpretation is right; nothing else matters!” I would recommend that the reader follow the link (linked above) and read all the answers before heading on to the next section.

II: The Answer

The other reason why I picked this question was due to the distribution of the answering consensus. You can broadly divide the answers into three groups:

- Those who blamed their ex-best friend.

- Those who blamed a third party.

- Those who blamed themselves.

Of the groups, I found the latter-most to be the most interesting, because it takes a certain level of humility to own up to one’s mistake; that too on a website visited my millions every day. 

Admitting our errs is a difficult thing for us humans to do. Our egos and a self-preservation bias prevent us from pointing the finger at ourselves; rather, we come up with complex (and sometimes gibberish) justifications and place the blame on the outside world just to satisfy our ego. That being said, one should always make a conscious effort to introspect on the problem before making sporadic assumptions or hypotheses.

Here's the answer that I picked:

Personally, I think it was (and still is) my fault.
I was really good friends with this girl for around 4 years. We did everything together - go to the movies, dine out, chill at each others' house - the usual best buds stuff.
I still don't know how, but somehow, someday, I started developing some feelings for her. Out of fear that my confession would disrupt the friendship, I decided to stay mum. Once, when we were out drinking, we were doing the regular chit-chat when I just...told her.
She just looked at me for a moment and became silent throughout the night. I knew I'd blown it.
So I decided to give her space. I temporarily ceased communication with her. After a week or so, she texted me and told me that she thought about it for a long time and that she doesn't feel the same way.
The now me would have completely understood, but I was an egoistic asshole back then. I felt hurt, but I didn't spontaneously retaliate - I decided to let the friendship decay away.
As the days went by, I gradually started decreasing contact with her. It went from "one-worded text replies" to complete ghosting. I felt stupid, but it was my pride at stake, after all (/s).
Eventually, we ceased talking. We still don't talk to this day. I miss her like crazy, but I know I've made the friendship irreparable. Every time "Wish you were here" plays, I remember her and start crying.
For people who are doing what I did - PLEASE don't. It's not worth it; trust me.

III: The Interpretation

A quick dose of internet jargon before we begin – Most of you might be knowing this, but a person who writes a post on any website is called an ‘Original Poster’, or OP. Let’s try to analyze the answer as a neutral observer before we arrive at any conclusion. From the post, we can quite clearly see that the OP’s ex-best friend is a female. For the sake of brevity, we’ll annotate her as Y. By deconstructing the OP’s answer, this is how the series of events seem to have taken place:

1) OP and Y were best friends.

2) OP started developing feelings for Y.

3) OP repressed these feelings in the beginning, out of fear of ruining their friendship.

4) However, one day, OP confessed his feelings to Y.

5) Y did not respond to his confession immediately.

6) OP decided to give Y some time and space to think.

7) After a week of no contact, Y texted OP and told him that she didn’t feel the same way.

8) OP felt angry and hurt, and decided to let the relationship decay away.

9) Their friendship slowly faded over time.

10) The OP, as of this day, regrets what he did in the past. He confesses that his egoistic attitude was the reason for the downfall of their friendship.

11) The OP also says that whatever he did, others shouldn’t do, because he feels that protecting one’s ego isn’t worth risking a great friendship.

IV: The Argument

There are two kinds of reactions that people gave in the post replies – One side vouches for the OP and argues that what he did was, in fact, the right thing. This side predicts the development of a toxic friendship upon OP choosing to stay friends.

Toxic friendships take a toll on one’s mental and emotional well-being. They are detrimental in social scenarios. Some people in the thread suggest a more extreme method - Breaking contact in one go.

"Sometimes, a swift blow to the head is better. It hurts a lot at first, but what's done remains done - there's no more pain."

While this does seem like a logical answer, many of us would actually never resort to this methodology.

V: The Counter-Argument

The other side opposes OP's decision. They say that the OP should have given it a second thought. Y was obviously hurt seeing OP trying to elude her. They believe OP should have stayed friends even after Y conveyed her non-existent feelings to him. This group feels as if OP took their friendship for granted; that is, he did not value their friendship.

The counter-argument is probably what a majority of people would have done, had

VI: The Follow-up

Which theory do you support? Let me know!