You are probably everything I could ever wish for.
I was told that love is never for the youth for we are naive, always unready.
So is why that when you arrive, there is this horror in my chest every single time; that you will be just another person that will break my heart soon so I could write another letter. I instead chose you to be a friend.
A friend that I could love and appreciate from afar.
Maybe, one day, I will be brave enough to let you know that I feel the same way too. But for now, this is where I exactly want us to be. Neither a stranger or a lover.
I, too, hate it. That I can't be brave enough to love you the way I wanted to.
There is always this blood-curdling volt running inside my chest each time I think about making another mistake. And I don't want you to be a mistake.
I am only trying to make everything perfect.
Please wait for me. Wait for me to wake up from my stupid fantasies. I am just not ready to let go, yet. I'm sorry for being so selfish. I just want you to be here. And if you one day realise that you could no longer wait for me to be back on my feet — I will be happy to let you go. Even if it will hurt me so.
I will be okay.
Because you will always be everything I could ever wish for.
Each time I get you there is this weight lifting off my chest. You are my peace in this restless sphere. I will not stop writing letters about all the nights I spent talking with you.
I want to smell your hair, I badly want to caress your back when you are feeling tired from playing... I want to hear more from you.
You just don't know, how much I want more of you.
Soon, it will be perfect enough for me.
And by then, we will be okay.
04/25/2020
5:08 AM