I light blue candles each time you leave.
Now, I'm running out.
I don't know how to touch you.
Perhaps we've met before, you were that lonely house in an island and I'm those waves always trying to reach you yet you're so afraid; thinking I'm only meant for the shore.
I'm not used to loving with the involvement of absences. When you're near my hand shakes; I tried to blame it on the coffee even so coffee and you treat me the same. Always filling my mornings.
In your highs, I know. Like looking for something new in an abandoned house, I sympathize. I know these feelings sits too heavy on your tongue. Possibly why an old lover have to leave.
I recognize all of these; and still chose to put my willingness in replacing them with foolish whispers that only the knock-outs like us would laugh.
It somehow made me ponder; Is it the soberness that made you change your mind? Will you miss me again once you're narcotize?
I probably know the answers yet your push and pulls immobilize me in believing.
I did not regret putting my last hope in you, knowing you're unstable and never sure, I still set my longing on the line. I thought I am exactly who you needed, and I really am. I carry on to be who you wanted, it didn't make you stay.
I watched you water our fire before it burns, I let you start exactly what you want us to be. This birthed a space I never been in, I linger still.
I lit you blue candles when you left.
Now, I'm running out for myself.
2:38 AM
June 13, 2023