I grew up in kenitra, and my parents, used to always have restrictions when it comes to friends. And as A typical tomboy, I only liked to hang out with boys, which only got me into troubles with my dad. You know how in every life there comes a point when things start changing, and that phase, your parents kept telling you "it's just a phase", finally ends. That's what high school was for me, the changing point. I started having more female friends, started opening up a little more about my feelings, and most importantly, started having crushes. It was in most case, boys I could and would never have, boys I would fantasize about getting married to and having beauuuutiful kids with. I would talk about them to my best friends (because duh, I had a shit load of them), talk about how cute they look (even if-I gotta admit- they dont always look that cute) or how special and awesome the way they breath is. All in all, I was just starting to get in touch with the teenager girl that has always been inside of me (and that I've been trying to hide away for all of my childhood). I started to worry about how I look. My insecurities started to grow, as i was quite the chubby girl (I know it's hard to believe now that I look like a model!! No jk). I was just being introduced to what being a grown up felt like. And now that I think about it, I kinda regret rushing into that introduction. As I said, I had crushes, a good number of them. But I learned to slowly let go of being horribly straightforward (as this was my favorite activity in spare time.. yeah if there was a degree for making bad decisions, I would've nailed that). ANYWAY, as I was saying, I would never upfront someone about my feelings towards them (that's a lie right there) and i would never even have the courage to say hi in some cases (HAA, another lie! I would stalk them until they feel obliged to say hi). But one day, HE opened up to me, and told me about how HE feels. I gotta be honest, I never thought that such thing could ever happen. It was my baccalaureate year, and as most people my age, I used to feel pretty shitty about myself. I won't lie, I was self conscious once. I used to simply hate the way i was, and doing that, somehow makes you believe you're not worthy of attention, nor love. That's what made HIS love confession a surprising one. I'll spare you all the boring details and tell you that we got together. He started noticing nice things about me that I myself have never noticed. He told me he loved me every night. And made me feel it every second. God knows I would never ask for more. But somehow, things went horribly wrong, and ended up horribly bad. I cried. I missed him. Then cried again. And did NOT get over it. I met someone else in the process of forgetting. He was nicer than any other person I've ever known. But something was off with the relationship. He treated me like a real gem, and made me feel so special (which I obviously am). But I could never feel what I felt the first time. I kept thinking that it's all because I was still heartbroken, and that all I needed was time, but to spare you all the boring details again, we split up. And it's only now after I've been pretty bored and made some pretty bad decisions (my close friends will probably know what I'm talking about now..) that I've realized why it never clicked with anyone else after my first relationship. It's simply because people nowadays are usually so dull. And I've always been one to like deep people, people who care and love with all their hearts. People you can have a conversation with, in rooftops, at three am, and keep thinking about it for the rest of your life. People who are not afraid to put their heart out there for the world to see. These are my favorite people. And these are the rarest ones. Normal has became the new trend, and god knows, normal is not for me.
Story