tonight i'm drinking
to fill the gaps of my fingers with beer mugs and cheese curls,
to fill my lips with cold bitterness and cool minty sticks,
to fill the holes of his mixtapes playing lying lively songs,
to fill the white blanks of correction tapes where my truth lies behind,
to fill the gray lines of the pedestrian they made when they left,
to fill the puncher holes caused by my unquestioning attachments,
to fill the hollow circles of choices i regret not choosing,
to fill my weightless self-love piggy banks with pity and 'i told you so's,
to fill the vacant seats with hallucinations of an old memory,
to fill the empty side of my bed with dreams that turned into nightmares,
to fill my soulless body with different personas i couldn't even name.
tonight i'm drinking
to fill this blackhole that's eating me from the inside.
and when i'm too numb by these pain killers;
when i'm floating high enough from my sane mind;
when i'm tipsy and dizzy from countless shots of booze and nightlong confidence;
and when i'm already full of temporary happiness,
i would dance this loneliness away.
before i go home to my bathroom floor tonight,
i'm swaying, swinging, wobbling, grinding, and twerking this pain away.