I fail to understand why has lonely been so underrated all this while. Of all the times, I slipped my head under the blanket,crying my heart out in silence, I have reiterated to myself that lonely is all I have. The lonely. And that is not to say that I'm sad. That is not to say my life has turned upside down or I have lost my shit. No, I haven't. But then, aren't sorrows perennial? Even if we don't talk about it in so much detail with everyone we come across, there's some part of it that travels with us everyday as we venture through all the horizons of life. I don't even know what lead me to talk about all this, but I guess it's the depth of it all. It's about those tiny things that we tend to magnify inside our heads. "In your head, snap out of it!" This is what I've been trying to tell myself but somehow, there's no way I can let lose of this grip.
I am probably losing track of thoughts right now because that's just what happens when you set yourself up for disappointment over and over again. It just doesn't stop, it never stops. You write, or you turn towards music or you probably just sleep your dreams away because you think it's an escape. The escape. So one way is you temporarily let go of what's screwing with your head or you gear up for what's ahead. But nothing helps. It keeps on building and building and building till it reaches to the point of intolerance. And then what? Does it end? It never ends. You encounter new stuff, new situations, new guys, new girls, but nothing changes. How could you change?
I can feel god silently reminding me that I shouldn't come into a relationship which makes me sad and happy at the same time.