It was an ordinary day. I was sitting in the edge of the pool thinking about life. Thinking on how my life would change when I go to university and leave my parents and family behind. Part of me felt that I had to stay and the other side told me to leave. Going way was all I wanted. It felt awful thinking that all I really wanted was to leave. Leave and never come back. I love being alone, but I felt that this time it was going to be different.
There were things I had to do, but I just sat there and did nothing. I would see the reflection of my messy hair, and blue eyes in the water. A sad feeling was growing inside me. Life has been a mess in the last few days. I could only hope it gets better. This is my senior year of High School, so it’s definitely getting better went I get the hell out of here. The day I leave Bellville is going to be the best day of my life, I suppose. I never liked it here. It`s all boring and normal, nothing like me at all. Living in a city that represents who I really am would be one of my biggest dreams besides being a writer.
Later that day, my dad asked me to go buy dinner for myself. He was running late. I decided to go to McDonalds with my friend Ben. Ben and I have been friends since our freshman year of High School. He is a great friend to me. When I picked him up he was wearing a grey beanie, a black t-shirt and jeans. As he got in car he said, “Greetings Ms. Fitzgerald!” he had a huge smile in his face. “Hi, Ben. How you are?” I replied, trying to hide the sadness inside me. It was going to be hard to hide it from Ben. “Where are we going?” Ben asked. “McDonalds I guess. Can you think of something better,” I said. “Lets go to Fridays”, said Ben. So we went.
When we got to Fridays some of Ben`s friends that I didn`t know were there. Ben introduced me as his friend, which is good because sometimes he likes to joke about our relationship. There were six people and their names were Fred, Sam, Carly, Spencer, Adam, and Bree. They invited us to eat with them. Ben’s friends seemed to be very nice people so we joined them.
One of them was excessively cute. His green eyes were killing me. That smile of his was creating butterflies in my belly. He had brownish-yellowish hair, which looked great on him. Plus, his personally totally matches his physical appearance. His name was Spencer. I was too nervous to talk to him, so I talked to the others. While we ordered and waited, Spencer was staring at me. It made me feel awkward and out of place. I told Ben I was going to the restroom and left. After that, I was not sure if to go back to the table. I decided to just hangout on the bar. I was ordering a cocktail, when I heard footsteps walking towards me. I turned around. It was Spencer.
I was not sure of what to do. I didn`t like him as much I did a few hours ago. I disliked him a little now actually. He sat by me and said, “your name is Isabella right?” “You bet,” I replied looking away trying to avoid eye contact. “So what`s going on between you and Ben?” he said with a weird smirk in his face. I laughed. “Ben and I are only friends, nothing else,” I said. He ordered something to drink and stayed there next to me. “What do you like?” he said waiting for an answer. “What you mean?” I replied not knowing what he wanted to hear. “I mean hobbies, friends, thoughts,” he said with a smile that once again killed me inside. “I like you,” I said without even thinking. I would not believe what I just that said. I was so inversed that I didn`t know if you scream or run away, or both. I closed my eyes hoping I had never said that. When I feel a warm hand touching my hand. I opened my eyes and he said,” It`s okay, because I like you too.”
I didn`t know what to said or what to do. I was in shock. “I don`t know what happened, but when I saw you I felt a connection. I don`t know if you felt the same way, but I just want you to know that I have never felt this way before,” he said with a sweet look in his eyes. “That`s stupid, we just meant,” I said which was just was what common sense told me. “I know that`s why I telling you I have felt like this before,” he was saying when I cut him off. “The food is here,” I said as I walked to the table. I could hear him walking right behind me. As we sat down I thought of what had just happened. I didn`t know what was going to happen next, or what was going on. This was go weird. I didn`t know if to believe what we said or not. Maybe he thought I was the slut by telling him that I liked him.
After we ate, I tried to tell Ben that I wanted to leave, but he didn`t pay attention. After a while, I was really tired and all I wanted was to go home. I grabbed my purse and said good-bye to everyone. “Ben are you coming?” I asked hoping he would say yes. He nodded and we left. As we got in the car I could not resist the anxiety of asking Ben about Spencer. I think Ben noticed it and said, ”you like him don`t you.” I perfectly knew what he was talking about. “Like who?” I said laughing a little. “You know what I’m talking about, you and Spencer talking alone,” he said with a very funny tone. “Oooh Spencer,” I said. I had so many questions to ask, but I just didn`t know how to. “Tell me about him,” I asked hoping Ben didn`t joke about it. “Well, he is a good guy. And I know him enough to know that he likes you,” Ben said, filling the hopes inside me. “You are just fooling with me Ben. Don’t do that, I`m serious,” I said hoping he was being serious. “I’m sure. Spencer is the type of guy who doesn`t fool around with girls and the way he looked at you was not normal, and I was not the only one who noticed. When both of you guys left we where talking about the chemistry both of you had,” Ben said with a serious voice. I was extremely happy and a bunch of mixed feelings where popping inside my head.
After I left Ben at his house I went straight to mine. I said hello to my dad and went strait to bed. I couldn’t handle one more thought in my mind. I was enough just thinking about Spencer. Every little detail of what had happened was all in my head, filling it all up unavailing me to think of something else but him and his beautiful self. I know it sounds crazy, but I fell in love the instant I saw him.
The next morning I wanted to give my mind break so I decided to go the library. When I got in the car I got a text message from an unknown number. I read it and it said “good morning beautiful”. I had no idea who it was so I ignored it and got back to business. I drove to the library. I go to the library just to read there. I sat by a tree on the ground. I was cold, but the sun helped me get warmer. I was in the best part of the book when I heard my name being called.
I looked up and saw a familiar face. I saw Spencer a few meters away from me. I looked away and smiled to myself hoping he wouldn`t see me. “Did you get my text this morning?” he asked smiling towards me. I had no idea it was him. “Oooh I`m sorry I didn`t know it was you,” I said with a little sweetness in my voice. Hoping he would forgive me. He sat down next to me and asked, “What are you reading?” I answered and our conversation went on and on for hours. At lunchtime he took me McDonalds, because I told him that the day before I was going to go there with Ben. He seemed like a really good guy and I liked hanging out with him. Later that day, he took me home and our conversation continued via text-message.
The days passed and our friendship grew. Everyday he reminded me of how much he loved me. My dark days became sunshine when I was with him. Before I meet him I used to suffer of depression, but not anymore. He understood me like no other. I loved him, but I was afraid that he would break my heart. It was hard resisting myself from not telling him that I loved him back. Only I knew I did.
The next day after school, Spencer picked me up. When I got in the car it was inevitable to see the roses he had brought for me. They were beautiful. He took me for a picnic in the park. As we ate we told each other everything that had happened throughout the day. I felt connected to him in a way that he understood me like no other. We talked and it went on and on. At some point our faces were very close together. He leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back. A kiss had never felt so right in my life. “I love you Bella,” he said.
A few days later he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was afraid that he was going to break my heart and walk away, but I decided to give him a chance. Every day seemed brighter. He helped me forget about the future and past. He helped me focus in that lovely present where I was next to him. Every time we talked about the future I cried inside, because I didn`t know how we will end up. It made me think if our relationship was going to last or if it was going to end as soon as we finished High School. I didn`t even what to think about of the idea of losing him, because that would mean kind of losing myself.
About a month later, Spencer and I were in Fridays. We loved going there, because it reminded us of when we first met. We were talking when he received a phone call. It was his mother to deliver awful news. The most important male figure in Spencer`s life had just passed away. I saw his eyes water, which made me feel terrible because I had never seen him cry before. I held his hand while he was on the phone. In his eyes I would see the pain in his heart. The moment was so intense it made me cry too. After he heard the news we got up and I held him in my hands. A dreadful feeling invaded me; I could feel the pain in a simple hug that will last forever. “I loved him,” he said. I didn`t dare to reply, because when you are in pain you don`t want anyone’s pity. That is something I learned when my mother died. Sometimes all you really want when you are hurt is to be alone and not everyone can understand that.
I took Spencer to his house. All his family was there; his mom, brother, and sister. They looked even worse than Spencer. You could sense the pain in the air. Everything reminds me of when my mother died. I can`t help it so I start crying too. I know I am suppose to give Spencer and his family support, but I can`t do that right now. I barely knew Spencer`s dad, but he was definitely loved by his family.
Days passed but Spencer was never the same; he tried hard to be who he was before his dad died but I would still see the pain in his eyes. I knew how he felt. He felt the same way I felt before I met him. It was now my turn to return him the favor of bringing light into my world. The next day I went over to Spencer`s house with Starbucks. I knocked on the door and as he opened it he said, “Yes! You are here, I missed you.” He gave me a big hug and we talked inside. We talked about our day just like we used to do before.
As time passed Spencer changed. He was never the one he used to be. Three months have passed since Spencer`s dad died. Time helped Spencer get used to the idea that his dad was never going to come back, which was very painful. There are two types of pain; temporary pain that heals completely and doesn`t leave ashes; and pain that you get used to which never heals.
Time was ticking and High School was almost over. I keep asking myself what would happen with me. What would happen to my relationship with Spencer? Every time I thought about the idea of leaving him freaked me out. I wouldn`t handle something like that. I guess this is the part of life when growing up seriously sucks. Plus, not only leaving Spencer also leaving my whole family behind. Not that I have much family, but leaving the little piece that I had was going to be painful.
Spencer and I decided long ago not to talk about our future. It was very hard for us to talk about it when we knew that our lives were going to go in different directions. He has also happened to study architecture. In another hand I have always wanted to be a novelist. Since I was a little kid I loved to write. I believe writing is a window to brand new worlds. Through writing you can create life and magic by expressing your feelings. I was not willing to sacrifice that passion for anyone or anything, and the worst part is that Spencer already knows that. I was accepted to Columbia University a while ago, but I was afraid of telling him.
Four months after Spencer dad`s death and two months away from graduation was the right time to talk about our future. Spencer and I meet up in Starbucks as usual to talk. After we order our coffee we sat right in front of each other. “Spencer what are we going to do with our lives?” I asked seriously. “I have been waiting for the right time to tell you this and I just want to let you know that no matter what happens I will always love you,” he said as he wrapped his hands around mine. “Let me talk first please!” I said softly. He nodded. “I got accepted to Columbia like two weeks ago,” I said filling my lungs with relief. “I got into Cambridge,” he said leaving me completely speechless. Both of us got into the best universities in the world. It would be extremely ridiculous to let go off our dream for love, but I still don`t have a concrete answer.
By now tears are running down my face. We had been sitting there for about ten minutes without saying a word. “Bella, I have learned how to love every inch of you, and you know I will always do. But it`s now time to let go. We both know that we don`t have a near future together. I know how much you want to go to Columbia and if I have to step a side, I will. I am willing to sacrifice our love for our dreams. Your dream is to become a novelist and my dream is for you to be happy,” Spencer said as my heart broke apart into little pieces. I felt a knot in my throat. I thought I was going to collapse and start crying even harder than I already was. Even though it was painful, it was true. Everything he was saying was the cruel and bitter truth. All I did was stand up and hung him tight. At that point, I wanted to stay with him forever, but I knew that if I didn`t go to university, sooner or later I would regret it.
Spencer and I were together until the end of High School. The day he left to England was the same day I left to New York. When he left I thought that a part of me had left with him, and it was not coming back. That day I had to grow up and keep moving forward. Leaving every thing behind, was no longer a dream or an option, it was reality. Before I met Spencer I thought this was going to be the best day of my life, but it turns out that he changed everything. He changed me. He changed the way I look at things. Thanks to him I can see the bright side of life. He taught me how to live life brighter and fully.
As I got in the plane I thought to myself “I will never forget him”. I hope I never do. I will never forget, because I will always love him too. We used to say that our love was one of kind, one in a billion because it was strong and deep like no other. No matter how far away, our hearts will always be connected. I can only dream of the day I get to see him again.