Some days I wake up and I don't want to be the independent woman with a strong head on her shoulders.I crave for dependency and would kill to be vulnerable and not feel guilty about it, just hold on to someone and weep away all the pride that I've held so strong,for so long.I want to wear some floral perfume and high heels and walk care free on the streets , sleep peacefully without having to wake up to a due date that is yelling in my face so hard, that I want to just slap it shut tight and not worry.I want to run away,to escape,it's just not me to want to escape because I have taught and exploited the poor girl in me to stand and deal.I have taught her that it is the worst crime to commit,even to think of running away and I have lock shut her emotions so tight in a huge heavy trunk and thrown away the keys so far far away that now neither she nor I can find it.So confused are my sentiments that love comes off as just a needy desperation .How could I have done this to me? let my self get hurt every time I put myself out there, every single time my guard is down I'm bruised and sore, over and over again like a nagging tooth ache that you've learned to grow accustomed to,what we dentists like to call chronic.I had assumed that ignoring the need to love is another way of growing stronger,but it just happen to be a way of dealing with the pain like morphine,an experimental solution which just happened to have gone haywire.
photography credits to my li'l sis.