You’re here just in time! Sit down, make yourself comfortable. Feel free to ask for drinks; I’ve got everything in my cupboard.
You seem nervous. Your hands are shaking. They’ve always been like that? I mean, sure, but today it’s even more visible. Maybe it’s cold outside?
Oh, I see… you’ve dressed pretty heavily for this weather.
Just calm down, take a deep breath, and tell me all about it.
Alright, first things first, what you’re going through is very normal. Even the strongest, most popular people among us go through stuff like this. You need not worry.
You say you’ve lost passion for the things you love. Come to think of it, if you did lose passion completely, you wouldn’t worry so much about it being lost. That, in itself, is passion. You’re passionate about things, but don’t know where to start. I’ve been there. At some point I thought too deep about how things were going between me and music, and one of the conclusions was this: maybe I’m not really made for music, maybe I was so young and naïve I jumped on the bandwagon because I felt like the stage was where I’ll find validation. I gave it some time, put my guitar back in its gig bag, and took a break. When the time was right, I picked it up again, a bit hesitantly, but as soon as I started practicing, I barely stopped. I then realized that if I wasn’t made for music, I wouldn’t have been this keen on finding my passion for it again. Not what you were looking for? Alright, here’s a broader example: I really like gaming. I’m not a pro, and I have never had the heart to try harder difficulties in games. A lot of people around me do that, and it made me feel like I had to play difficult games to enjoy gaming at all. I didn’t pick up a controller for a while. Bought a lot of games, barely played them. Then I decided to finish the most appealing game I could think of, and actually made some really good progress, and eventually realized that people will never dictate to me how I should be playing my games. Sure, platinum trophies are made for the die-hard gamers, but what’s a platinum trophy do? Do you really need one? Will it make the game more enjoyable? Passion usually dies when you’re confused on whether you really love what you do or not, and that is common among those who are surrounded by people whose passion is clinically dead. Find yourself more supportive surroundings. Seek people who share your passions with you, and you will surely find it again, for it is not dead; it is but lost, for now, and it shall be found again.
You say you think you’re not funny, and that your friends don’t laugh at your jokes like they used to. Do you make inappropriate jokes? Do you self-deprecate through humor? No? Then why do you think so? Oh, that. Listen to me. Telling a good joke is not as hard as the SATs, and a joke that a few people laugh at is still a good one. If the joke is appropriate for the situation, but no one laughs, it’s still not a death sentence to your sense of humor. You’re just telling the joke to the wrong people. They found your joke cheesy? Let me tell you this, the best ones are! You surely have the gift of making people laugh, don’t waste it by thinking too hard and worrying about whether people will laugh or not. Trust me, I’ve been through this. I’ve let people’s mere facial expressions break me to pieces. Some would laugh at how fragile and sensitive I was, but that’s something not everyone possesses. The ability to care, having feelings at all… these are a blessing. Without feelings you wouldn’t care to put a smile on the faces of those you love by cracking jokes whenever possible. Without feelings you wouldn’t care if your joke comes off too edgy and you’d be comfortable with having a deranged sense of humor. You are kind, and kindness is not a weakness. So many people don’t understand how strong kind people are. Keep making these jokes. Don’t let people dictate to you whether you should be proud of a joke that you thought was good. If anything, tell these jokes to different people, and if they laugh, you won yourself an audience. And let me tell you something: none of us is perfect, there will always be people who don’t agree with you. The perfect source of validation that you can possibly have, is you.
You say you’ve gone through many embarrassments in life. I hear you. I’ve caught myself cringing my heart out to embarrassing moments I’ve had over a decade ago. But if you really want the truth, very few people, if not no one at all, even remembers you doing that or experiencing that. No one’s judging you. People aren’t as invested in watching your every move as you think they do. Those moments are what makes us, my friend. Not even the most perfect human being is immune to falling into mistakes or being in awkward situations. We all had these at some point and will continue to have them. If, by some chance, one of these moments is brought up in conversation, remember that it’s not worth pouting about it, and do this, do something you’d think really crazy: own that embarrassment. You heard me. Wear that embarrassment like a medal. Re-enact the embarrassment if it’ll make you feel more secure. That way, no one will ever be able to, if by some chance they wanted to, use it against you. Don’t take yourself too seriously. You don’t have to be flawless to be respected. Also, I know you wouldn’t do this, but don’t aim on making people afraid of judging you, if they ever do. Let them judge you. You have nothing to hide. You have nothing to be ashamed of. These embarrassments are nothing to be insecure about. Embarrassment is what makes us human. We’re not perfect, and we should not strive to be so. Embrace your mistakes, as long as you’re not hurting anyone with them.
You say you think you don’t have as much friends as you thought you did. You say you would go out without calling anyone and just hang out at a nearby place wishing you had friends around to talk and have fun with. You also said you don’t call your friends most of the time because you’re afraid they’d decline or not call you back. Truth is, everyone is busy these days. They may be out there either spending some alone time just like you, but they do that because they’re more comfortable that way. Some people just want to be left alone and enjoy being that way, and it’s alright. They don’t hate you. Sooner or later they’ll call you themselves and invite you to talk over a coffee. However, fearing declination or fearing the absence of a reply or answer is another thing. What’s wrong with taking “no” for an answer? Even if you have very few friends, they are of quality, not quantity, so they surely have good reason not to be able to hang out with you. It’s never that they don’t want to hang out with you, because they wouldn’t be your friends if that’s the case. Don’t hesitate to call your friends when you want them to be around or to talk to them, as long as you’re not nagging them. If they decline, take “no” for an answer, and call someone else – it’s that simple, and no one is ever too special to choose someone else over for a hangout. Don’t blame your friends for not responding or for being too busy – that is the essence of life. If you don’t keep yourself busy most of the time, you’ll die inside, and life would be meaningless and redundant. So, if, by some chance, you had no one to go out with, embrace the fun of being alone until you find a hangout. Invest yourself into a hobby or an enriching activity; that helps too. That way you will guard yourself from feeling bad when you’re alone. If you don’t take an active step towards not letting the circumstances guide your emotion, happiness has no legs and will not find its way to you. Actively seeking happiness is probably the only way to find it. But one thing is for sure: if you have no one to spend time with today, there’ll be plenty of them tomorrow, and if not tomorrow, then over the morrow, and so on. Give it time.
You say you feel incapable of speaking your mind in certain places and around certain people. I understand that completely. I’ve been through this time and time again. I would figuratively freeze up with certain people and stop being nonchalant and spontaneous at times. You’re afraid of being embarrassed. This goes again to feeling that your friends would judge you for saying certain things. The fact that people don’t really care that much does not only go for strangers, but also to your friends. Set your tongue free. Speak your mind. Don’t stop yourself from embracing who you are around people, as long as who you are isn’t a rude, obnoxious person that none of us want to be or be around. You’re a lovable and approachable person, and I know everyone around you sees this, so don’t waste time preventing yourself from being comfortable speaking your heart out with people. Again, no one’s judging your every move. Set yourself free, and surely, you’ll make a lot of your insecurities go away. The best step to take when you feel awkward is to actually break your boundaries and do and say the things you want around other people. If you do this a lot, you’ll be used to it, and you won’t worry about cracking an awkward joke or not receiving the replies you expected.
You also said you were unlucky with love. What if I told you, the secret to finding true love is to never look for it, to never chase it? See, love is tricky. Sure, it’s one of the best feelings one can have, and we all need love, but the thing with love is that it is almost sentient; it knows you’re trying to chase it, so, unlike happiness, it runs away. By the way, don’t ever let this trick you into feeling that you’re inadequate or ugly. This is the stuff that gets into your head from observing everyone else’s relationships, the question a lot of people have: what do they see in each other? How did they end up so attracted to each other? Stuff like this will rot your brain and fool you into believing that you’re ridden with a medical condition that prevents you from being loved by anyone. It feels like there’s a sign over your head that you can’t see that says “don’t date me”. That sign is not real. It’s fiction. Somewhere out there, you’ll find your other half, and you’ll find them when the time is right. As long as you’re aware that not everyone should find you agreeable, you’ll surely pique someone’s interest out there, and when you do, don’t rush things. Let it evolve slowly. Build a relationship from ground zero instead of rushing things just to experience the feeling of being in a relationship, because what’s the use of a feeling when the relationship itself doesn’t turn out to be what you were looking for? And hey, don’t forget to enjoy being single. Sure, being with someone is a great thing, but if you can enjoy being alone, you have a gift so many people envy you for.
Now, about your overthinking… here’s something I wished someone said to me years ago, and I’m sure it’ll help you: Everything is going to be alright. You heard me, everything you’re worrying about, it’ll be gone. Everything you seek to have… you will have it. Be patient. You are loved. Your friends appreciate you being their friend. People who hate you can never hurt you because you’re strong. The things you think make you look weak happen to so many strong people out there. There’s no such thing as boys that don’t cry. If you feel the need to weep, let it out. If you want to scream it all away, go ahead and do it. If you want to rant about it, I will listen for hours at a time and I’ll never call it a day until you’re happy again. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t hurt yourself, and remember that people out there need you to be around. You don’t have to think too hard about things; life is simple and it isn’t worth all that thinking. Keep being the spontaneous person you’ve always been. Don’t take yourself too seriously, nobody’s breathing up your neck. Embrace your flaws. Be you. Be the best you that you can be. You don’t need anyone’s permission to embrace the you that you’ve always wanted to be. No one’s going to play your role better than you, so own it. Trust me on this; you will eventually find your inner peace, and once you do, you will unfurl your wings and fly high. You deserve the best, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Did it help? I’m glad. Feeling better? I’ll take your word for it. How about a smile? There you go.
If you need anything, my door’s always open. Until we meet again!