Reminiscence

Hello. I like reminiscing. Thinking. Looking back and beyond. Maybe, this is not the best thing to do, considering some wounds are just too deep, too burnt, to ever heal. But i still do. But, whenever i reminiscence about my past, my mistakes, they make me smile. Or maybe smirk? I don't know. Smirk. Yes, a slow and slight smirk, which crosses over my lips, every time i try to fathom my bad. My mistakes. This is what makes life, what it truly is. A fading, emerging, reemerging , light-eyed, happy, brutal, dark and sincere memory. Contradicting, uh? And that's precisely how I or You view Life. Like a contradiction. A contradiction to what we thought we would have, to what we did , to what we really wanted. People around me tell me, that I overthink.  And I guess , I do. When you overthink, you don't lie to yourself. I keep thinking, observing. And when i do so, my insecurities come alive in front of me. I know what they are. They keep gnawing my very insides, holding me back, driving me to the brink of starting my journey to the other world, but i sustain. I feel like this is the only time and place, when I am being honest to myself, so i should rejoice this moment! This moment of triumph! Of untold bravery! I slowly unmask myself, unmask my veil of cheerfulness, and toughness, and look at myself. New, alive and breathing. I look at my real being.  I look at that Halo Invisible to others. I look at that girl who strives to find happiness in small things. Who considers reading a book, equivalent to floating on the skies.  Who loves to spend a day with her family at home doing nothing instead of expensive excursions. But this is what she strives for. This is not something that she gets. She strives for true love. Beyond, boundaries, wishes and demands. Beyond judgments and questions. This is what she strives for. This is not something she gets. So i put my mask back on. I adjust it in the dim light of  my bravery. I stand straight, and turn my back to the image which is calling out to me desperately. Which wants me to hear its plight. Its true story! Begging me to turn to it, to listen to its side and turn of events. I wait. Ponder. And, then walk away kicking off a storm behind me. I walk with a warrior's gait, brandishing my sword of toughness. Only to stop and look back at the storm. The storm of truth. Of memories beautiful. I reminisce. 
And i feel something familiar crossing over my lips. A smirk. A thoughtful, sarcastic smirk. I start galloping again, this time without turning back.