Today, i want to write, just write about everything and nothing. I have this huge thing on my chest, those mixed feelings inside my heart that want to be heard, but no one is capable of taking them. You can't just express yourself freely around people, because no one or most of them will understand, no body can understand you more than your own self, not even your mother! So at least, there's words, the only way that helps you to chill out and be free, free from all the sadness that keeps you down, away from moving on into a better life, better world.. I am sad.
Sad is actually a word that i often use, i used it once when my uncle passed away, but even though i was strong, because at some point i knew that it was god's will, that he is in a better place than life, happy more than ever. I knew he is where he belongs. But, what's happening to me is way to be a good thing, those feelings that holds you from crying, because you are in so much pain, you can't feel your heart anymore, you can't feel your bones, you can't taste food, you can't enjoy moments with friends.. Those feelings that holds you from life, are the worst feelings ever.
And then, you start wondering about everything, about where you are, what do you do, how do you do it.. Questions and questions but no answers.. Screaming silent.
Why do i feel like this? why i am not happy? I deserve to be happy, right? I've never hated anyone or did a bad thing! What did i do to deserve this? Can i at least cry? Where are my tears?! ..Please, kill me..
-B