"I'm fine", "oh, he? I completely forgot about him", "I seriously don't like him anymore",... I'm sure that a lot of you have said these things, but didn't mean them. When I was saying those things I was actually convincing myself that I didn't like him anymore. You know what? It actually worked. Well, I thought it worked.
Somewhere in september I was getting snapchats from the best friend of my ex, sounds weird but let me explain it. My ex was trying to communicate with me through his best friend. My ex was in those snapchats and the captions were like 'greetings from me to Hodzic' (Hodzic is my surname). It was so low for him to call me Hodzic. Why? Because when we were together his nickname for me was, Hodzic. But he always said it in a way where I would melt like butter in his hands. He was also liking all my pictures on Facebook, but I ignored every single thing. Modern age romance, am I right? If he actually wanted to communicate with me, he just had to contact me and not through a fucking friend.
Two weeks ago I went to this party and I was talking with a friend and I was actually talking to her about him. The moment I said that he was such an asshole to me, he walked into the room. You know those moments when you just, freeze? Well I froze and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, 'shit'. I needed to go outside and get some fresh air because I was shaking. I was shaking because I hadn't saw him for 7 months.
For the rest of the night I was actually having fun. When I was sitting next to my friend, I saw him walking to his table. He must walk past my table to get to his table. Normally I would avoid him at all costs, but at that moment I didn't ignore him. I duid quite the opposite, I was staring at him. I don't think that I have ever looked at someone like that. It was as if he knew that I was looking at him, because our eyes locked at that moment. We weren't just looking at each other, our eyes drowned into one another. There was hate, despise, love and anger in my eyes. In his eyes I only saw one emotion, sadness. He is normally that kind of guy that takes control and isn't afraid of anything, but when he looked at me with that look, he bowed his head down and went like that to his table.
I thought that I was over him, but I'm still not over him. When I came home I cried my eyes out. When I saw him, my heart ached.
One and a half year later and I still have feelings for him.