I know I'm late but I wanted to share something...
What was the one incident that happened in 2018 that made you see someone/something differently?
The time that I was in church and told myself that I still loved you. That was the day I told myself I still have feelings for you.
Usually I get upset when I think about you. But if I try to fight it this won't go away.
I texted you the other day. I asked you if you were available to have dinner with me.
You replyed late. Said that you just got home from a party. And told me why did I just text you now when it is already late at night.
You know you really are something you know that.
If you were so mindful you should have replied immediately. And here I am saying my "sorry" to you.
What is wrong with me?
I couldn't fight you or stood up to you.
Cause I now in the past I did you wrong.
Yes it was my fault.
But why can't we be friends?
Why can't we do things like we always do?
This really stirs up. Things really tears apart.
I'm done playing games with you. This isn't fun anymore. In the first place I shouldn't have gambled myself to you. I was so invested to you that I totally forgot to take care of myself.
And let me guess you're so proud of yourself that you totally forgot about me and you're totally fine with it.
If this is your way of erasing me from your memory and its totally fine with me too.
You could have told me that you don't want to be friends with me anymore.
I don't like your cold approach.
You keep hanging on the line when we started to talk.
Us talking doesn't excite you anymore.
Are you really sure you wanted to call it quits? You want to end our friendship?
Then say it. Say it to my face.
I thought we were friends, that we can say anything to each other even if it hurts.
When in the first place this is not new to me.
You've already hurt me hundred times.
So what's new?
I wanted to be friends with change. But it seems like he doesn't want to be friends with me. I want to accept it. But there's a sudden pull that I don't want to let go. Sometimes there's a funny feeling in my tummy that make's it hurt.
You've changed. And I did too. I hope things will work out for us.
You've changed. And I'm so proud of you.
I've changed. And I'm so proud of me too.
I lift all my worries and contradictions to the Lord, to help me get through this.