Does anybody feel sorry for Satan? All the work he`s gotta do. He has to keep the demons from fighting each other, set up political scandals, create mortal diseases, manage hell`s staff, just to name a few. So, all of these things usually keep him very busy. One day, he decided he needed some vacations but, where would he go? He could go back to earth, but he had been there lots of times and last time he got “killed” and he didn’t like repeating himself. So he devilishly thought: “Where better to go than heaven, after all, doesn’t God always say how everybody is welcome in heaven?”
So with mean intentions and a devilish smile he knocked on heaven`s doors and after ten minutes, Saint Peter finally opened. But when he saw who was at the door he ran away leaving the door ajar,Satan ,obviously, saw no
problem in stepping in but, as soon as he did the alarms started blaring and about ten jesuits pointed holy spears at him. He didn’t even budge. Instead, he pointed upwards and said to God “Dude, is this how you receive a lost soul?” Satan instantly disappeared ,landing in a puddle of water, but it started hissing at his feet, so Satan figured it had to be holy water apparently God didn’t like that last comment. After all, God did have a strange sense of humour. Soon he had stepped out of the puddle but not without cursing before. After he did, he stared at God and He just started cracking up! And he said between his booming laughter “You (hahahah) always fall {trying to catch his breath} for the same joke” and then he burst into an even bigger laughter.
And suddenly,Satan remembered why he had left heaven in the first place.
After the Jokster had ended laughing, he said “Welcome bla,bla,bla{at least that’s all of which Satan heard}” after he finished talking he said “So, what do you think?” and Satan said: “yeah, yeah, sure” “Great! Let there be a feast then!” shouted God “Wait, what?” answered Satan “What do you mean what? You just accepted to redeem yourself and asked for forgiveness!” “What? No! I wasn’t even listening ” cried Satan “Well your fate is sealed, you now have to wait two centuries before you will be able to sin again” Said God “Oh yeah, and who`s gonna stop me?”mockly said Satan while making his hand into a “unholy” sign, but when he tried for the door he was blocked by a Jesuit phalanx into staying and just for good measure he got a brace for his ankle that whenever he tried to escape, or even sin, would send Blessed Water into his veins, which, for the record was very painful.
So Satan was now on forced retirement, singing with the angels and cooking for the poor and all those heavenly stuff that Satan hated and the worst thing was that he couldn’t do anything wrong and that was slowly driving him crazy and the worst thing was that he had no free time to devise an evil plan to “rat out of heaven”, `cause this was hell to him.
So for now he had to sit and wait, but in all that inner silence, and idea began to form up in his head, yes indeed, he now knew(or at least he thought he did) how to escape heaven! The idea was to put the anckle tracker into someone else, and who better than an innocent angel! He just needed a target for his plan, he had a very wide variety to work with, but he needed someone very innocent, someone who he could corrupt and only one target reached the qualification, Elijah the angel of innocence, he was very shy and never dared offend anyone or tell anyone off.
So Satan began to befriend Elijah, as I said before he was very shy and honest, but he was very nice once you got to know him, while the years passed they became more and more friends, at first God suspected a little bit but then he thought that maybe Satan was getting sucked in to heaven, and boy did he think wrong!.
Elijah was very curious and liked to know about everything so, with time , Satan slowly brought up the ankle brace topic and Elijah was becoming more and more interested in it, always trying to look at it and otherwise creeping the hell out of Satan, or at least that’s what he showed, but he was really smiling to himself.
And again, Satan waited, but this time he was waiting for Elijah’s curiosity to beat his own senses and it did, with time obviously, and as angels and God where the only ones who could remove the anckle brace Satan lured Elijah into removing it from its place and instead placing it in his own body, when this was done, Satan took a run for it and barely managed to escape not without getting a cut on his cheek from a Jesuit arrow.
“At last back in home” he thought upon his re-entrance to Hell. At first he was very happy, as he planed to retake his duties as God's worst thorn on the side for all eternety, but then, a little cry came from the High Heavens, it was Elijah's cry, crying for the loss of whom he thought was his friend, but soon many more cries where heard, it was all of Heaven, wheeping for the abscence of Satan. Now Satan was a though guy, but he couldnt help a little tear drop from his eye.
So maybe after all, Heaven did suck in a little part of Satan.