Listening to NF's "Paralyzed" makes me want to be so.
You lay lying beside me;
As I look at your face,
My tears leak out of these eyes,
These eyes so weary now to pretend,
Pretend I love you...
I know how unfair I am emotionally.
Hearing you say you love me,
Makes me think of myself more,
More of my brutal way of not saying I do, too...
I am in the middle of believing and not believing in love.
I sure do like you.
Maybe because you like me, that is.
Or I'm getting used to you...
Sorry.
It won't change anything inside this heart so complicated to explain.
But there's really nothing to explain.
That I say since I would just say 'I don't know' or 'I'm not sure'
Crying silently when I am alone.
I was thinking of being that again,
Alone and with myself only... again
Old times, strangers we are
Acquaintance, we may
I look at your face again and stared at the ceiling once again
The light's blinding me
I want to sleep but then wait
Wait a bit
I will sleep a bit longer after this
I placed your hand by your side and I sit
Stood I did and did not turn to look at you
I know you'll rest well
Just this night
Paralyzed
I'm sober, moving, constantly
The thought had been running endlessly
Now, I just want it to stop
The liquid tastes like rusting iron
But like when I tasted someone's blood
I don't remember now who that was
I heard a voice
It's been hours that I have been lying on the cold floor
"I love you, please, please stay"
Your voice cracked
Your face blurred
"I'm sorry"
I heard myself say
"I never loved you..."
Then the darkness enveloped all of me
"I know"
His voice
The last words I heard
Then everything stopped
...