"The years of college are the best of your life.
Enjoy them as much as you can.
You're gonna miss it when it's over."
I've heard it enough times to believe it. And now, a few weeks separate me from being qualified to judge for myself.
My last midterm is tomorrow. Yes, my last midterm EVER. I know I won't be missing that!
Pulling all nighters and struggling to remain calm and gathered without binging on junk food and over dosing on caffeine?
Yes, I think I'll be OK with not having to experience any of that again.
But what attach this midterm to my final final EVER, are only a few weeks.
Only a few weeks of being the College Student I have been for close to 5 years.
Only a few weeks of knowing nothing but my place in college and place in society as a College Student.
Only a few weeks of perfecting the role I am given as much as I possibly can.
Once you're out , you're never in.
That means once I graduate I can be anything but a College Student again.
Sure, I can enroll myself in Masters Studies, or even development courses, but then I'll just be a Post Graduate.
It doesn't sound right.
I am psyched for making it this far, don't get me wrong, but the reality is slowly starting to sink in this time.
After college comes the "Big People World". The world of your job and your boss. Your unfriendly colleagues. The end of a beautiful era called Summer Break!
Oh dear God!!
How can I live knowing I will never have endless useless free weeks on end ?!
Knowing I can kiss the lazy-staying-up-after-midnight-nights-knowing-I-have-absolutely-nothing-to-do goodbye?!
What scares me more than anything is the fact that I now need to make that decision I knew I was going to need to take some day.
The decision of what comes next?
Surely after 5 years I have at least a slight idea of what I want to do?
A small peak of the direction I wish to be heading?
The rode I plan on taking?
Anything?!
All I have is what I don't want to do.
What I don't see myself waking up every day to.
Going back home only to repeat it again the following day.
But what if there aren't any feasible options for now except what I don't want to do?
Should I miss out on trying ?
Aren't the first couple years out of College the "trial and error" years?
Should I just go for it?
I know I can't stop time.
I know I can't and shouldn't wish to remain in one phase of my life forever.
But 5 years is half a decade.
From my 21 years , that is a quarter of my life.
A quarter of my life living in a way that I have gotten used to so much.
Not to mention getting used to the 15 years of being a student alone!!
If old habits die hard, then I don't know how long it's gonna take me to adapt to any other life than this.
But, people do it every year around the world.
So, it must be do-able!
I need to stop telling myself "I can't believe it's almost over".
No, believe it ! (dammit.)
It is almost over.
Because nothing goes on forever.
I need to practice on getting used to that.
But for now, I will go study for that final midterm.
*sigh*
Exciting beginnings
I am graduating in 3 more weeks (inshaa Allah), and the thought of that used to scare me.
The thought of letting go of something I have been immersed into for such a long time.
Of kissing the college days; with their up and downs, good and bad, goodbye.
Of leaving behind friends I will no longer have the leisurely of seeing every day.
Of stepping out of my comfort zone, my identity, and stepping onto whole new ground.
Ground I've yet to try walking on not knowing if it will hold me up, or if I will fall.
And then, I stopped.
I stopped being intimidated by the thought of graduating.
Of being a "grown up" (please notice the quotation marks), and handling the stress of life that goes beyond studying for a final or meeting a project deadline.
Beyond aspects of your life that revolve around only you, and dealing with the responsibilities and obligations, that grow with you.
Being a grown up sounds hard.
And boring.
But who said we had to grow up?
Who said we do?
Remember when you were 10?
Didn't being 20 sound so freaking old?
Well, do you feel any older?
I don't.
I don't believe we grow older.
I believe our inner spirit always stays the same while we grow up and age on the outside as our lives evolve into our job and our family, and things that force us to "act our age".
We are the same people living in a train station, exchanging trains.
Riding a train that is moving towards a certain stop.
Taking rests every now and then to pick people up or drop them off.
And we're riding along, just making memories.
And College was one of those trains.
The ride has ended, suddenly, and we've reached our stop.
There are many other trains to ride.
Views to see.
Passengers to meet.
Experiences to live.
So, are you ready to get off??
I think I finally am.
Who am I
Am I
A fleeting nature
An infusion of atomic bonds
A breathing image of a person
A cradle of needs and wants
Am I
A smile in one's features
A frown across a face
A reflection on the water's surface
A portrait hanging along a space
Am I
A stupid mistake
An example to not follow
A warning sign on the door
The silent fear of tomorrow
Am I
The optimistic bright side
To always look upon
That full half of the cup
Or perhaps the empty one?
Am I
Only a wandering notion
Another piece of the puzzle
An explosion of reactions
Between one soul and another
?