'Happy birthday!!!'
I never expected that from her. She could just have posted it on my account like the others but she sent me a message personally.
'Have a more blessed day today, well, I do hope so, and be a blessing to other people, smile, even if the world does not.'
I reread her message again and thanked her. I asked where she is in which she replied after a day. I know this is kind of stupid or whatever one may call it but I have always loved her since we were in high school. Kinda funny but I never thought that after almost eight years, we reconnected.
I asked her out for dinner since I'm in the area near her workplace. So to fast-forward things, we met and chatted like we knew each other that long, given that we did not really talk that much in high school.
"I have this constant thought of dying and I just can't stop it" she suddenly said when we were quiet for like fifteen minutes.
I suddenly held her hand but it felt like she's here but not really here.
"Don't say that, please" I said.
It's kind of weird since she never really is a talker, she rarely speak much last time I saw her and last time I spent time with her in grade school. Yes we don't talk that much but I purposely hang out in the library when we were sophomores, just so that I can sit to the chair near her on the far end table of the room.
So back to the present. I look at her face that was looking ahead. I feel something strange yet kind of beautiful. Of course, she is beautiful, but just strange that I want to kiss her.
Oh sh**! I'm gonna behave myself and act friendly, maybe she needs comfort.
From my thoughts, she suddenly turned to look at me, in the eyes, too, and smiled. I looked away immediately 'cause I might have kissed her for real. Thanks the greens, I did not.
"Sorry, we just met again but I'm behaving in such a weird way" she apologize.
"No, you're not, it's okay, and also it's not weird" I responded.
She told me of how she got betrayed by some of her friends, though she did not go into details. With her current job, she still feel so lost and couldn't find the essence of life or of what happiness is.
"I keep chasing for happiness but when I have chances to experience it, I feel terrified of what will happen next" she said "I'm afraid that when I get happy, I'll be sad longer, I'll despair more, it's like every tinge, every second or days of being happy will be replaced by somber ones."
I don't exactly know how to respond to her but her voice gave me the feeling of pain, like there's a pinch in my heart.
How I wish I can just take it away from her and make it disappear.
I just saw her today after quiet some years but I never knew she's been through a lot yet I can see her resilience even if her words are like daggers to her. She still breathes.
She's beautiful even when she describes herself broken. I want to see more of her, even if I drown in the ocean she is in.
I like her.
...The night still ended and I see her walk away but hoping, eventually she'll look back and walk towards me again.
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Story from Drafts May of 2019, just added some more statements and here it is. It's like it's been written in a rush, I know. ✌