Sometimes life gifts us with strange moments we cannot describe, we cannot judge. We can only feel our helplessness in the hands of our destiny.
21st august 2008 12 p.m.
My excitement was still haunting me. I had ultimately made it l. Well my condition till then was no worse than a man at 30 who was yet unable to find a job. Its not always your family then, but your neighbour , friends with whom I had passed college in the same year, who are working in such big multinational companies and earning in crores per annum. Me? Haha. Striving in a pond for any job and now after giving so many test and not qualifying in any, i had ultimately made it to the interview, surpassing all obstacles i stand today with a package of 60lakhs per annum. Thats something more than a lottery i guess.
At present these are the things I must get concerned with than anything else. Its after I get the job that I should be free to think about anything else.
12:45 p.m or might be 12:46 I cant remember exactly what the time table showed.
The train had already started to leave slowly and steadily when I saw her hurrying to the door and taking the empty seat in front of mine.
1:30 p.m
Delhi Duronto as usual never gave me any chance to complain about the food services. The timely arrival of break fast , lunch and dinner always let me admire this express. So far I was just watching her sip the tea and busying herself in the newspaper. Now she had to receive a phone call and she left for washroom perhaps. The TT had arrived and shit happened. I forgot my ticket somewhere I didn't remember. Though they matched my identity with their documents, yet that the ticket was missing I had to pay my fine which was double of the actual cost.
"Wait, is this your ticket."
"Oh yes, I dont know when or how it slipped from my pocket."
My fine was finally saved.
"Well it slipped when you gave 20 rupees to that beggar boy"
"But that was in the platform. You picked it up then why didnt you give me earlier."
"I noticed you just now. I didnt know it was you"
Strange. I was sitting here for so long and still she didnt see me. Yes she looked somewhat occupied but what does it matter, she was a stranger after all.
"Anyway thanks, you saved my fine."
"You are welcome, where are you going Delhi?"
"Oh yes, I had just got a job there, finally after so many issues and troubles."
"So what about your parents? They must be very happy about their son's success.
It was really strange that a stranger was showing so much interest in my family and my parents. That has always been a problem with me. Basically I am an introvert person, I cant mix with people just like that and share my life with them. Maybe thats the reason I had almost no friends . Years had passed when I preferred myself in closed rooms than the open Sun but now the world was calling me and I had to respond.
"Yeah they are happy. What about you? You going for job too?"
"Oh yeah a very important job" Her tone was rather serious than the usual.
"So what company do you work in."
"I work in an NGO doing noble work for handicapped children."
"What about your higher studies?"
"Yeah I completed my Masters in History from Aligarh university."
"History , that has always been my favourite subject."
"Its favourite because its past. But the people who suffers history the know the real pain"
"I didnt get you"
"Anyway this conversation is boring . Hey we haven't introduced ourselves yet. Let me begin. Hi I am ......... Shahida"
She threw her hand towards me. It appeared as if a bolywood movie had just begun. She was not normal though I could very well relate her to Kareena Kapoor of Jab We Met.
"Hi I am Kabir."
"Well thats better. Now relate the movie "
"Mmmm I cant be sure "
"Even I cant. But being a fan of bolywood I had always demanded my own film and I am sure this journey gonna make one."
"And what could be the title"
"Wait. I cant predict a title before the script. Let the script be over I will let you know"
"Please dont mind but are you always like this."
"Mmmm yes I am, thats my speciality. Now Kabir tell me your favourite ..................................................."
2:30p.m
Most of them were having their afternoon nap and I was tolerating these silly chit chats for last 1 hour.
"I am sorry I and really bored you with my stupidity. You might be thinking I am stupid or mentally ill."
"Hey no its not that. Its just ok I am felling good common speak on."
"Dont mind Kabir.Its just the way I relax myself at times of extreme....................."
"what?"
"Nothing .Tell me something about you, your family and do you have any brother or sister?"
"Yes one brother, he lives in California for his job".
"So your parents might be feeling lonely once you both are away from them."
"Yeah but I am here in India atleast." So it doesnt matter much. Moreover we can always talk on skype."
This time she had to receive her second call.
"Excuse me."
Again she had to go to the washroom.
3:30pm
Her face didnt seem like before yet she made strong attempts to be her previous self.
"Hey what happened everything fine."
"Yeah but why do you ask like that?"
"No it seems as if .............."
"Nothing , its just my uncle. My aunt is not well.."
A girl who could talk to me like I was old friend of hers couldnt receive her uncle's phone in my presence.Strange it was though yet I didnt question her.
The evening looked beautiful as we passed Dhanbad.
She again managed to revive herself to the way I had known her in the last few hours. But through all her smiles and laughter and jokes I could understand something that she was hiding from the world. Something which she wanted to forget through her jokes and laughter.
"Can I ask you something Shahida"
"Well ask ask, so far I had kept on speaking and I am glad that you finally agreed to speak to this completely mad idiotic stranger."
"Shahida I dont know if I should ask you this since we had only met a few hours before but I feel that something is really bothering you. If you cant share with anyone I suggest you can always share with your family . You know there's nothing like a family".
I understood that I had actually hit the prime point and her fake laughters transformed into a true smile.
"And what about them who dont have any family. What should they do Kabir?"
"I am so sorry I didnt know that."
" Please dont be sorry Kabir, that's what all, one can be. I too don't know that even i should tell you this or not but often people are not so lucky to make a choice. We just need to accept reality. This journey wherever it may end and wherever I may go I would always thank you for helping me out with these hours."
This time it was her third call and she had to reach the washroom again. As she rose to leave, her tears didn't escape my eyes. This time she was taking a lot of time.
12a.m. Midnight.
I was not feeling comfortable and I didnt know why. I felt I must make an inquiry about her since she was missing from evening . I went near the washroom but no one was there. I was worried and I thought to call the emergency number but the train did not land on any station so she was definitely inside the train. I reached the other end of the compartment where i found her sitting near the doorway of the compartment with the door open.
"Hey , what are you doing here?"
"I just got worried . Where have you been and why didnt you come back. Did I hurt you somehow"
"Oh no Kabir that was just nothing, come sit here. Just look at these fields. The reflection of moonlight makes it look like the thar desert."
I sat beside her looking at the wonderful night.
" Kabir, I am sorry I had irritated you a lot I understand."
"If you had irritated me then I must take my revenge . Now its my turn."
The next few moments I kept on speaking all the rubbish I knew in my life. But it was not as good as hers. Gradually and finally I could see her previous self striving in peals of laughter.
"Kabir,you are really bad at jokes"
"Well, Shahida, I know I am a perfect stranger and I have no right to know anything of your personal life but if you like you can share it with me . Anyway we gonna part and perhaps never meet again when the journey is over."
"Certain things are their which you cant tell anybody, no matter how worse you feel. Tonight I stand between this beautiful night and an everlasting night and believe me I have no option. I just need to carry on. Its all certain and it can never be changed. Certain lives are not meant to live but to operate and my life was one."
I didnt understand what she said, what she meant but something hinted me that she was suffering.
"I dont want to go back where I had come from, I dont want to go where this journey would lead me , but I just love this journey"
"Its fine Shahida. Everything is fine in the end you see, and if its not , then its not the end. You see this night , the stars, the sky and this journey , thats all a story to your film and I am sure theres a happy ending to it."
We didnt understand when we came so close through our minds and hearts , and had a lovely night spent together watching the stars and the moon.
Neither of us slept as we both were keen to watch the sunrise. For me it was a beginning of a new life , for her it was the everlasting dark.
The train was passing through Gaziabad and the next station was Delhi. I rose and saw her look at me bewildered. It appeared that she was extremely confused and horrified.
"What happened Shahida, why are you so tensed."
She gradually pushed me to the door in an unusual manner and I got a bit nervous at her attitude. The train was moving slowly than usual.
"I always complained that life never gave me any choice but today I have a choice. Only one choice. Thank you for this journey Kabir. I couldnt have done it with you "
I received the most terrible shock of my life when she pushed me out of the train . I fell down on the railway line , blood oozing from my forehead. I saw the train gradually approach Delhi. My vision was gradually fading. Whether I was dreaming or not I cannot tell but in that vision I saw the train suddenly bursting into flames with a deafening sound.
23rd August 2008
The front pages of all the newspapers were flooded with images of the bomb blast at New Delhi railway station.The whole city was wrapped up in terror . I still couldnt figure out whether or not I was still dreaming ,lying in a hospital bed with bandaged head. Somehow my family was informed and i saw my mother whose face was still stained with tears. Very soon I recovered from the trauma . I knew that my primary duty was to inform the police now and i helped them through all the things I knew and thought could be helpful.They interrogated me for months and it took a long time for me to get back to my normal life.
22nd August 2009
One year had passed by then.I still work in delhi and i am doing quite well. I still question myself.Was it my luck? Or was it just a matter of a choice?That day, I was destined to die and yet i didnt, and that has made all the difference.