I grew up among sisters, may be that's why I never understood that the upbringing of a daughter should be any different from that of a son. My parents never told me that you are a girl, so you should not do this, should not say that and am proud of them that they brought me up to be an independent strong woman, someone who has her own mind, decides things what she wants for herself and what she doesn't want for herself. From a very early age, I was given the freedom to chose what I wanted to do with my life, when I wanted to study and not study, the friends I chose to make, the dress I wanted to wear, the college and the subjects I wanted to study. Did I ever make mistakes in my life, oh yes many, but those mistakes made me a better and a responsible person, even if I had screwed up sometimes it was by my own choice and I myself cleaned the mess.
I fell in love with a guy in college and after dating each other for almost 9 years we got married. He loved me, gave me the space and the freedom that I always got, never forced me to do something if I didn't want to. If I was ever confused about doing something new or not doing, he would ask me what would make you happy, you should always do what makes you happy and he would help me decide that way. We had fair amount of hiccups in our relationship but we loved each other and always brought the best in each other.
Its my wedding day and I have never been so happy in my life, I was marrying the man of my dreams. I knew this was perfect - If soul mates existed, I knew he was the one for me. But what I didn't know was that I was not the perfect bride material according to the society' norms, I just didn't fit in. I wasn't brought up just to be someone's wife or a family's daughter in law.
As soon as the priests asked for the bride, my heart skipped a beat. I knew that this would be the best thing to have ever happened to me. I was getting married to someone whom I loved and he loved me back, who was my best friend, my critic, my pillar of strength. So while I was walking from my dressing room towards the mandap where the groom and everyone were seated, my pace was that of a happy confident woman, it wasn't like that of a bride. I walked how I normally do with my wide signature smile, I just didn't know how to walk slow like a bride. One of my relative told me I should walk slow and look down, I looked up at her and said why should I walk slow or look down? I was a girl who would not even buy a pair of socks if I was not confident about it, and this is my wedding day, I always wanted to get married to this guy. And I wanted to look at everyone and smile at them, thank them for taking out time to attend our wedding. So I just didn't get the whole theory of walking slower or looking down avoiding eye contact and I didn't do it. I understand some girls might be shy and avoid eye contact, but it wasn't the same in my case.
As soon as the girl is married, she is supposed to become an integral part of the groom's family, talk or behave in a way that their family or the society would approve of, change her way of thinking, never question anything. Is that fair? Do we expect anything similar from the groom? Why there are so many expectations from the bride? The bride leaves her home and parents behind to start a new life, shouldn't it be the other way round? Shouldn't her new family welcome her and make her feel at home first? Why is it necessary that she should do everything as the groom's family wishes to become a member of their family, is every member of a family alike in all respects? The way she dresses up depicts the culture of the family, so how was the culture depicted before she got married? Why is it that tradition and culture is always the responsibility of the women, though the rules of tradition and culture are made by men? Even a week after the wedding, the girl should be dressed up like a new bride while the groom is back to his shorts or jeans the very next day.
There are so many such questions which I never had an answer to, but is it fair to expect that an adult who had lived 25-26 years of her life in her own terms with a strong personality to change over night just because she is married? Why can't a family accept a girl the way she is or the way she was loved by their son for having a strong independent personality ? Why is it that a girl's life is successful only when she becomes a good daughter in law or wife? Should we raise our girls telling them every single day that one fine day your prince charming would marry you, and that day you have to change yourself all over? Why can't the girl remain like she was and make her own choices in life? I am not against changes but against the fact that why 90% of the changes has to be borne by the bride or why is she under a scanner all the time? When would a girl be entitled to live her life on her own terms but not according to society's?
P.S: I am lucky that I do have a very supportive husband, but these are just the experiences the so called society made me go through and I do not understand any of it. He tried his best to shield me from all these and does it even now.