Silhouette of Maybe

And I barely even remember. What did I do? What did I do?

What did I do?

What did I do?

My heartbeat louder than the buzzing of my ceiling fan. My eyes wander past through the walls of my room and I see no walls, but the fragments and silhouettes of the scenes that occured maybe an hour ago. I wasn't sure.

What did I do?

What did I do?

I was at at the edge of my patience and I lost it. I barely even heard the jazz that was playing downstairs because I was still hearing my kids' laughter from the class before. Their giggles mischievous and innocent; loud and contagious.

Oh, what did I do?

What did I do?

She was calling me "baby". She was helping me out. She was smiling but I turned to her with a frown. My cool had gone and had been replaced by the feeling of helplessness, I wonder if she saw it in my eyes. I'm hoping she saw it in my eyes. It was a hot afternoon and the sun won't be setting for two more hours but, frustration showered me with so much self-pity, it rushed boiling blood in my head.

What did I do?

What did I do?

She was smiling and she was calling me "baby," but I turned to her with my irritated voice. I said "what?"

She said, "I love you."

But what did I do?

What did I do?

The sleepless night before. When we exchanged messages, she was sad. But I kept joking and joking. We were laughing and laughing.. with our fingertips.

Oh that sleepless night before.

What did I do?

What did I do?

She called me, "baby"

I said, "what? "

The irritating requests of kids not my own. Helping them all I could all day, and spending more hours for remedial classes with foul-mannered kids, my tolerance gone. My mind unconsciously awake and tired.

But she called me "baby" so confidently.

Her eyes sparkled when she said, "I love you."

And I said, "Not now, don't you see? I'm not in the mood!" In front of the kids. In front of everyone.

So, baby, what did I do?

What did I do?

What did I do?

I remember your eyes blinking. Your lashes the prettiest I've ever seen. I remember the smile. The hardest one you've ever made. When I turned around to leave you, that was when it all sank in. My sweetest friend. My bestest friend. My crazy lovely friend. And I call her "baby." She pretended not to hear. I called her "baby...

baby, what did I do?

What did I do?

What did I do?

So I sat here inside my room, My heartbeat louder than the buzzing of my ceiling fan. My eyes wander past through the walls of my room and I see no walls, but the fragments and silhouettes of the scenes that occured maybe an hour ago. I wasn't sure.

Baby what did I do.