SoCiEtY

That's how our SoCiEtY is actually these days full of ups and downs. 

Not blaming the society or people, believe me I have no desires to get into something that I hardly understand. 

Few things made me think actually few incidents 'Am I really empower'? 'Am I really safe?' 'Am I living my life the way I want to?' No I am not crazy the incidents that take place few days back made me think a lot about some of these questions. One day I was coming back from my classes and I stop by to buy something, it was evening 8 pm approx, I step down from metro and instead of taking auto for my home I decided first to buy something's groceries mainly and veggies. Once I was done with shopping I ask one auto Bhaiya that will he go to the place I desired to go and he agreed. He was waiting for 2 more    co-passengers that's how these auto Bhaiya operate basically I am aware of that. While waiting for co-passengers one old man came near to that auto and he was whispering something at first I thought he's begger and begging as he was dressed in some sort of attire I ignored. Then I saw he was walking towards me and start singing a song and I was like now this is weird and then he came close to me and said 'this auto guy is going to take you to his place and rape you and then he's going to call me and I will rape you' I was like what the fuck, this was never happened to me before, I don't know how to react and what to do so I ask auto Bhaiya to move and auto Bhaiya chase that old man away. That scared the hell out of me. Now I doubt auto Bhaiya too, I was scared what to do and what not to 2 co-passengers joined and both of them was female, that day I reached home and I panicked like anything. This was the first incident of harassment. Believe it or not sometimes I still get terrified dreams and extended versions. Still I am clueless like what should I have done about that! Just ignore that because we are accustomed to harassment? Or should I kick that person right there, what if he had some sort of weapon with himself or what if he actually kidnap me and do what ever he desires to? Common I am a woman these are the general thoughts came in all of us mind before acting against anyone. 

One fine evening while returning from class having my headphones on traveling in general compartment of metro, there was rush that day, I live near from the place where I take classes its hardly 3 metro station matter of 10 mins of so, so instead of seeing rush I get in. After one station level of rush decreases, before that I was feeling some push from behind I thought that could be because of rush. So when on next station the level of rush go down I step forward near to the door and stand there. Still I feel the push so I turn around there was a guy who was standing behind me and there was place still he was trying to stick with me. I move to the other side and stand there after few seconds later I feel that push again and this time it was quite a pressure that I was leaning against the door of metro. I feel uncomfortable that guy was pushing his dick that was weird and I really wanna scold him but it was 8:30 pm and I realized I am a woman what if I said something and he follow me back home? But as I reach to my station and I get out I told the guy that man you should check on your pervert nature if you can't keep yourself in control then don't leave your home and I told him that pressing your dick against mine body is not going to benefit him in any way. He was looking at me and metro door shuts and I left. Seriously that day I so wanna kick on his dick but again the fears all popped up. I don't feel safe in this society I feel scared though I try to be brave but at times I am not. The fear always haunt before fighting for our own cause like acid attacks, rape cases, abduction, brutal killing. I don't know what exactly is wrong but something is definitely wrong that is the whole sole reason of not feeling secure among each other. I am not being gender bias, this assholness kind of activities are done by both the genders. I am talking in the behalf of all the people who suffers. 

This SoCiEtY and its norms confuse me like anything. For eg. If a married couple visited you and you are married too then it's fine you don't need to give them your room or privacy they will be adjusted somewhere but if a married couple visited you and you are unmarried then your room and your privacy is gone and no one is going to ask you about it it's implicit and many more norms like that. Again I am not criticizing so called 'SoCiEtY' because what I can't understand that I can't criticize.

Question is still the same 'Am I free?'

Thanks for reading.