Something I Couldn't Tell You..

Dear.....,

I will not hold your hand or ask you to stay now that you have chosen to leave, because that would mean I don’t love you. Because I think from how I understand it love is not just about sticking around but more so about letting go when the other one chooses so, for birds caged even in the strings of the most precious gold would still be a bird that has lost its wings. And when you love someone, you do not cage them but you let them fly…even as you realise that they might not return to you by twilight. So be it. I don’t know if I am glad that that which has till now only been whispered to paper and screeched by the pen has found a voice…or at least the courage to ask for one. I am glad you let me stay though…let me stay as a friend. At least, I can still talk to you like the ravishes of memories that I know will return to me every night and keep me up from my sleep are nightmares I do not have to live. I trust you with a part of something I am not allowed to keep. And so, even as words as echoes resonate and the shivering shadows of moments eat into me…though you forbid it, I am sorry…I will continue to love beyond everything. It is a privilege indeed to have my heart broken by you…at least broken, if not held.

I must still tell you something. I have never in my life wished so ardently that I were a loser, be dumb, or stupid, or dull…anything other than what I think I am right now. I happen to have my reasons. After all, if that which hands you the world takes away from it the only dewdrops of genuine happiness that you had found in it…what good it the world in your hands? What more is it than a reflection of hell in itself. If I have a choice, I wish I could make amends. I wish I could give up this world itself for my only dewdrop. I shall say no more.

Someday if Time brings you to see another pile of papers on my table, another pen and bleeding ink that calls out to you…I hope you would remember there was someone who waited passionately.

Yours

Someone