still a HOPE...

i never really thought that there will come a day when i'll be simply sitting , hurted , with a  pain painted inside my heart , thinking about someone , who doesn't even deserve to stay up or wonder inside my brain ...i feel a pinch inside , something being scraped , and my heart forming a black deep void that even when i'll be counting my last days on the death bed , won't be filled ...thinking kills! thinking about it ! about the chronicles of our so called "love" , carries me to the same old situation...and every time when i think of it , it feels that it was just a day back when i was crying for you to come back ! that scar you left on my heart while leaving , is still fresh..! and every time when i make up my mind to get over you ! get over it ! i give up! giving up on myself,my life and to everything i am supposed to do ...i never really thought that would place someone like you on the first of my priority list , placing myself on the second! i don't understand it ..why the hell i did that ? changed myself for you ?!! how even  i dared to forget myself  and get indulged into his thoughts..!!! i know his thoughts aren't healthy for me , but to lock away your feelings ..isn't really an easy task ...but i'm trying , i'm hell trying and will keep on doing so ...unless my heart is touched by a purest kind of soul that will just wash out every black ray restricting the path of those rainbow like rays ...to fill me up with the same love feelings , coming up much intensive than the previous ones , just like a vine that tastes heavenly good when stored for a long time...the essence , the sublime feeling ...will just be impeccable!!!..we'll be together like " the ones meant to be ...forever" , internally...externally..from top to bottom...front to back ...from "heart" to "heart" ! and i know i'll be OKAY!...! i'll be blessed with a loving soul...i will get justice ! for being treated like a shit ! for being kicked out like an unwanted insect ! for bearing his lies...and I've got faith in almighty god , my instincts are stronger than my believes , i'll be loved ! may be not widely ..but deeply...certainly! i'll make a "LOVE" again...