samajh nai aa raha kaha se shuru karu man me itne sawal hain par jawab kisi ka nahi. tujhse puchne ki bahut koshish ki par uska koi fayda hi nahi hua kyunki tu kisi bhi bat ka jawab hi nahi dena chahta ,par kyu ye bhi to ek sawal hai mere man me. nahi pata kyu aaj tak mai in baton ka jawab dhund rahi hu.kyu? shayad mai tujhse bahut pyar karti hu,bahut pyar par jise tu kabhi nahi samjh paya.
aaj hume ek-dusre ko dekhe 1156 din ho gaye matlab 3 sal 61 din par itne dino me tujhe mujhse milne ki ek bar bhi icha nahi hui jabki mai tera har pal har waqt intzar karti rahti hu. kaha se shuru karu apni kahani apne sawal ,jab hum mile tab se, nahi mai to tujhse milne se pehle hi mil gai thi mano hum dono ka janmo ka rishta ho.mai wahi se shuru karti hu.
Mai 8th me thi garmi ki chuttiyon me abacus class jaya karti thi jo ki B.T.S. school me laga tha 1 din achanak mai bina kisi ko bataye akele apne aap 1st floor pe chali gai nai pata aisa lag raha tha koi khichav hai or jakar direct waha ke 8th class ke darwaje ke samne khadi ho gai jo ki band tha, chutti thi islie.or darwaje ko chune lagi shayad mujhe hosh bhi nahi tha ki mai kya kar ri hu,tabhi mera bhai waha aya or khub jor se aawaz lagaya yaha akele kya kar rahi hai,ye bat to mujhe bhi samajh nahi aayi par andar hi andar bahut bubbling si ho rahi thi maine use jawab diya ye 8th class he yaha bahut ajeeb se log rahte bahut bure or sharma rahi thi man andar kuch ajeeb sa ho raha tha jo mai bayan nahi kar sakti. or waha se mai dodte hue chali gai.phir uske bad ye bat mere dimag se bhi nikal gai.
8th class shuru hone k kuch samay bad mene apna pehla gana likha jisme 1 line thi "1pal bhi na rah pau uske ,to kese karu sal bhar intazar." ye sirf mere lie 1 gana tha kyu likha ye janne ki koshish nahi ki us waqt. utni samajh hi nahi thi us waqt.mene us gane ko apni close friends ko sunaya Anjali, Soumya, Ruchika or tino ne mujhe bahut chidhaya bhi ki ye kiske lie hai par mai janti hi nahi thi na mere liye to ye sirf 1 gana tha jo kisi ke intzar par tha.
phir thik 1 sal bad 9th class me new admissions hone shuru hue,or 1 din Ruchika ,Soumya bolte hue class me aai "humare school me bada hi ajeeb ,over-smart ladka aa raha hai,aisa lagta hai khud ko bahut smart samajhta hai",tabhi kisi ladki ne pucha kon si class me,to Soumya ne jawab diya "nahi pata senior hai ki junior shayad junior hi hai magar attitude bahut hai".mai ye sab apni seat se sun rahi thi or tabhi mere man se 1 aawaz gunji jo mere kano me padi "wo tera hai ,tere lie hi aya hai" then i'm shocked ye kya hai phir maine apne sar pe mara or apne doston ke sath masti karne lagi.
Dusre din jab hum sanskrit class ko gaye tab waha bahut se naye bache aaye hue the ,jinme se 1 ladke ko dekh ke mere dil me kuch ajeeb si halchal machne lagi nahi pata kya ho raha tha usne ne bhi mujhe aise hi dekha .Aisa lag raha tha mano bahut pehle se jante ho nahi pata kya tha wo,par wo tu tha.Phir new students ka introduction hua or tune bataya "Nikhilesh Pandey from B.T.S. school"kitna ajeeb tha na ye par us samay mujhe nahi laga kyunki mujhe kuch yaad nahi tha. phir second half ki sanskrit ki class me hum jab aaye to Arya ma'am ne tujhe samne bula liya or 1 question board pe de diya tuhje solve karne ko,sandhi viched karna tere naam ko or mam phir sabko kuch information dene me busy ho gai,or sab unki baton me dhyan de rahe the par mera dhyan mere samne khade tujh par chala gaya jise answer nahi ata tha ,or tune bhi mere ankhon me dekha or pucha or humne sara question isi tarh ankhon -ankhon se isharon me solve kar diya ,jab mam ki bat khatam hui tab tak tera question solve ho chuka tha ,mam ne dekha or or tujhe sahi keh kar shabashi di or khushi mujhe hui par tune isharon me hi sahi mujhe thank u bhi nahi bola kitna bura hai tu.
phir 1 din main school cycle me aa rahi thi mere sath Aman bhaiya bhi the hum dono bate karte hue ja hi rahe the ki waha se 1 ladka muskurate hue Aman bhaiya ki or aya or mai achanak se sharma gai ,mai wo ladki jo kabhi bhi kisi se bhi bat kar leti thi wo teri or dekh bhi nahi rahi thi mai is bat ko logo ko aise batati hu ki mere classmates ne mujhe uske pehle hi din kaha tha ki ab kisi bhi anjan se dosti mat karna or mene unhe ha bhi kaha tha islie,par sahi batau to mujhe hi bada ajeeb lag raha tha us samay.wo din tha 16 september 2008,Friday.Phir Aman bhaiya ne hum dono se pucha tum dono 1 hi class me ho na.Mene jawab diya nahi,ha matlab alag sections me hain.Phir achanak humari batein shuru hui or phir school ke pass pahuch kar mene tujhse kaha "Aman bhaiya kaha hai ?"wo humare bich me the par pata nahi kaha chale gaye ,phir hum dono ko kuch sharam si ane lagi or mene sharmate hue hi kaha "bhaiya kitna dhire chalate hai na"or phir hum dono school pahuch gaye.
kuch dino baad tu bhi usi maths tution me aaya jahan mai padhti thi tere ghar ke pass 'Iyer mam' ke yaha .Phir kya tha dhire-dhire humari dosti badhne lagi .Mujhe ache se yad hai hum kis tarah jhagadte the .Na 1 dusre ke sath rah sate the na 1 dusre ke bager. Kitni ajeeb thi humari dosti. mai humesha tujhse jhagad ke gussa ho jati thi or tu humesha mujhe manata tha.Thodi der bhi tujhse baatein na karu to tu mujhe pareshaan kar deta tha or haar manke mujhe tujhse baat karni hi padti thi. Mere jaban pe sirf teri hi batein rahti thi sirf teri ,phir kya tha meri teeno friends ne mujhe tere naam se chidhana shuru kar diya . Mujhe aisa lagta hai jese mere kitne haseen lamhe the wo ,tera mujhe manana ,meri batein manna mujjhse ladna,kuch galat karne ke baad ye kehna "maine to teri khushi ke liye kiya".
Tujhe yad hai mai tujhe chupa rustam badmash or alien chipkali keh ke bulati thi or tu mujhe alien bhutni jo mujhe bilkul bhi acha nai lagta tha.mene kaha ki" tu mujhe aise mat bulaya kar" to tune kaha ki" tu mujhe chipkali kyu bulati hai,"mene kaha" wo to pyar se bulati hu "to tune kaha" mai bhi islie bulata hu rat me sapne me ati hai na". Magar ab tere sapno me mere siva or kon aane laga batana mujhe janna hai kyunki mere sapno me to aaj bhi sirf tu hi hai.hum dono jab bate shuru karte the to chahe humare aas pas kitne bhi log ho kisi ka dhyan nahi rahta tha aise bate karte the jese ki sirf hum dono hi ho.Mujhe to aaj bhi tujhse jude 1-1 lamhe yaad he chahe tujhe ho na ho.
phir hum 10th class pahuche or tution band ho gaya ,or nahi pata hume bhi kya ho gya hum 1 dusre se batein hi nai kar pate the .Jese hi 1 dusre ke samne ate to nazre churane lagte the ,na jane kesi-kesi harkate karne lagte the. mujhe to lagta hai shayad ye sab teasing ke karan hua tha,tujhe bhi tere class wale mere naam se chidhate the na jhut mat bolna. hum dono ne gin ke do hi barr 10th class me batein ki . 1 to SST exhibition ke samay wo kuch wahi ishare style me or dusri bar tab jab mere class ki Jyoti ne tere class ke Sayantan ka rounder ghuma diya tha or mai tere class aai thi uske sath.mai tujhe tirchi nazar se dekh rahi thi jab se mai aai tab se tera dhyan tere kaam pe lag hi na raha tha bas bar-bar mujhe dekh raha tha or aakhri me tune mujhe rok hi liya tujhe kya chahiye tha ye to nai pata par tune 1 bar pen kaha phir pencil or akhri me gum manga or mene bhi ha keh ke Ruchika ke bag se bina puche nikal kar dedi.
10th board ke bad hum dono 1 dusre se nai mil pate the par mera dhyan sirf tujh pe laga rahta tha mai apni dairy me tujhe letters likha karti thi. 10th class me mujhe sanskrit ki book se pata chala ki Nikhilesh ka matlab hota hai Srishti ka swami or mere man me tab se hi aa gaya ki tu to nam se hi mera pati hai or mai tujhe apna pati manne lagi or aaj bhi manti hu,kya tu ye bat manta hai? 10 board ke bad 1 din chutti me mai bhagwan se bahut gussa ho gai ki wo mujhe tujhse nai milwa rahe hai or kaha "ki 1 bar bas 1 bar bhi agar aapne mujhe use na dikhaya na to mai maan lungi ki wo mera pati nai hai,or sham ko mai papa ke sath bahar kisi kam se nikli thi us din friday tha or achanak se koi samne se cycle mai aa raha tha jise mai dekhne lagi or pas aane ke bad pata chala ki wo tu tha mere liye ye kisi chamatkar se kam na tha ,shayad tujhe bhi ye sun ke aisa hi lage , lag raha hai na?
10th class me tu kabhi-kabhi shayad aksar mujhe dekhta tha ek dum lagatar bina palak jhapkaye or meri nazre upar hi nahi uthti thi nahi pata kya hota tha tujhe 1 bar ki bat mene Riya ko batai are Bando ko to usne kya kaha pata ki hum dono soul mates hai hume koi alag nai kar sakta.or uski ye baat mere dil me baith gai .or ab ye bat mujhe sach hi lagne lagi ki hume koi alag nai kar sakta kyunki jab milenge hi nai to alag kese honge ,hai na?
11th class ke admission ke samay mai roz bhagwan se pray kiya karti thi ki tu isi school me rahe or kahi mat jaye.phir kya 11th class ke pehle din mai jese hi class me ghusi to door ke bagal wale desk me tu baitha tha or humara eye-contact hua ,phir jaldi se ankhe band karke mai aage badh gai or tu bhi waha se utar gaya. hum dono is bar 1 hi school me hi nahi balki 1 hi class me aa gaye ye jankar mujhe bahut khushi hui or maine bhagwan ko thank u bhi bola. us din humne jee bhar ke batein ki kyuki sirf 5 log hi aaye the class me.Magar us din ke bad shayad hi humne batein ki shayad hich-kichate the logo ke samne batein karne me. Magar eye-contact bahut hua ,1 bar tu apne CS lab ja raha tha or mai 1st seat pe baith ke dairy dekh ri thi achanak mene sar uthaya or tune bhi is taraf dekha or phir kya jab palak jhabki dono ki tab tak to puri clas khali ho gai thi or class shuru bhi ho gai thi.Magar dusri bar to aisa sir ke samne hua Lenka sir ke samne o'God nahi pata hum dono 1st seat par baithe 1-dusre ke hathon pe hath rakhe kitni der tak dekh rahe the 1 dusre ko,jab hosh aya to sar uthane ki himmat hi nai hui or tu bhi waha se ese bhaga ki nai pata kya ho gaya ho.magar hum dono ko kisi ne kuch nai kaha ,par Aaisha ne mujhe bataya ki sir ka duster chut gaya tha class me or wo lene aye the bas usne yahi kaha magar ye bat sunne ke bad mere man ne kaha 'it's horrible' ye kya kar diya tune Srishti. magar sir uske bad itne dar gaye ki tujhe phir kabhi samne seat pe ane ko kaha hi nahi balki mujhse bahut dur baitha dete the.1 bar 12th class me hum dono agal-bagal wali seat me baith gaye the Lenka sir dantte hue class me ghuse or hum dono ko dekh kar dantna hi bhulgae. or 1 bar to tu mere bagal me kuch second ke lie bas baitha or english wale sir hume dekh kar bhul gaye ki wo padha kya rahe the. Nahi pata ye teachers ko kya ho jata tha hume 1-sath dekh kar.1-bar to Pandey sir bhi hume dekh-dekh kar nai pata apne me hi muskurae ja rahe the, nai pata kya soch rahe the.
Are tujhe wo Anamika mam wala yad hai 11th class me kese mam sab se question puch rahi thi or hum dono 1 dusre ko isharon me unka jawab de rahe the ,phir to mam mere piche hi pad gai ki wo school kyu nai ata hai kya karta hai or agera-wagera maine to kah diya ki mam mai usse bat nahi karti or tab jake mam shant hui or sach hi to kaha mene hum dono bat hi nai karte the magar poems bahut likhte the mano competition kar re ho.Magar tu best tha or hai ,mai tujhse acha nahi likh sakti,tu bahut acha likhta hai ,or teri poems mai jab bhi padhti hu to usme mujhe apni chavi dikhai deti hai .ha magar teri har poem me meri chavi dikhai de ya na de magar meri har poem me teri hi chavi hai ,sachi.
1 bar 11th me hi jab Soumya-Anupam bahut batein karte the tab usi beech tu Soumya ke pas gaya or apni poems padhne ko kaha usne poem padhi or tujhe meri bhi poems padhai tu bilkul kho sa gaya meri poems me nai pata kitne der tu hila bhi nai or sar bhi nai uthaya ,bahut samay hone par Soumya ne tujhe aawaz de kar pucha kesi lagi uski poems tab dhire se sar uthaya or kaha kitne grammatical mistakes hai ,are tujhe itne der me bas yahi samajh aya meri feelings nai,kitna,kitna bura hai tu.
12th class me bhi humne batein nahi ki ,ha magar tujhe sare boys bahut chidhate the bahut or propose karne ko bhi kehte the magar tu darpok kaha karta 1-aad bar ha to kaha unlogo ko par kar nahi paya. mujhe yad hai tune teen gano ke line gungunai thi 1bar "pyar hua ikrar hua" dusri bar "tera mujhse hai pehle ka nata koi" or tisra tha "isharon -isharon me dil lene wale". ha mujhe acha lagta tha. Nidhi ke slam book me tune dream-girl ke space me "S..........."likha tha na ,chinta mat kar mene us 'S' ko apne naam se nahi joda ha actually joda tha magar 1-pal ke lie phir jab tak tu khud na bataega tab tak mai kuch nai soch sakti
are or 1 sawal hai ye to puchna hi hai kyunki mujhe aaj tak samajh nai aya,11th class ke shuru me maine tujhe kuch keh diya tha jiska mujhe bura laga to mene dusre din Saturday ko tujhe roka or sorry bola or kaha "tujhe abhi nai samajh aayega mai baad me bata dungi" phir Monday ko mai tution ja rahi thi or tu apne tution se wapas aa raha tha jab tu mere samne aya to zor se "haa..." chilla kar chala gaya ye kya tha ???
12th class ke last-last me tujhe batana chahti thi ki mere bhai ne mujhe bataya ki uske friend ne usse kaha ki hum dono ka chakkar chalta hai,kitni buri baat hai na ,mene usse keh diya ki aisa kuch nai hai mai to usse bat bhi nai karti,phir mai or Ruchika us ladke ke pas gaye jisne ye bat kahi thi to usne kaha MGM school ke pas 1 bhaiya didi bat kar re the ki "Nikhilesh to committed hai wo Srishti Naidu ke sath "to mene aapka naam sun kar us bhaiya se pucha " wo KV wali" to unhone ha kaha ,par usne us ladke ka naam kisi bhi halat me nai bataya kaha ki"aap kya karogi jaan kar aap unhe nai jante"nai pata wo ladka sach keh raha tha ki nai par mujhe ye bat tujhe batani thi par tu school aa hi nai raha tha to mene tujhe msg kia or pehle to tujhe bahut pareshan kia apne mummy ke no. se phir jab bataya ki mai kon hu to tune koi jawab nai diya,or mai bahut dar gai or tujhe kaha ki ye bat kisi ko mat bataye or tune bhi bade pyar se kaha "tu kya bol ri hai mai kisi ko kuch ni batunga" mujhe ye line aaj tak yad hai kyunki tune jhut kaha tha dusre din class pahuchte sath tune Dibya or agnivesh ko ye bat batadi magar mujhse nai pucha ki kya kam tha,jo mujhe bahut hurt kar gai ni pata mai is bat ke kitne din tak roti rahi,phir magar us din jab tujhe phir propose karne ke liye kaha mai ladkiyon me waha akeli thi or tum teeno the to tune mujhe dekh kar mukurate hue kaha ki "ab mujhe kuch karne ki zarurat ni hai ab to wo khud aaegi mere pas"ye kya tha? magar mujhe us waqt bahut gussa aya or mai class se bahar chali gai.
Are mai tujhe or 1 magical case sunati hu humare 12th board ke samay navratri chal raha tha mera exam tujhse 1 din pehle khatam ho gaya the kyuki tera CS ka paper bacha tha jo 26 Mar. ko tha.us din mai mummy-papa ke sath Ram mandir gai thi waha ghuste sath mujhe ajeeb sa feel hone laga ,mai pradakshina karte hue sirf tere bare me soch ri thi bhagwan se keh ri thi ki mai tujhse bahut pyar karti hu kya tu sach mai mera pati hai,kya hum dono sach me soul mates hai,kya tu bhi mujhse pyar karta hai or phir kya hua batau jese hi mai samne murti ke pas pahuchi or hath jod kar jhukne lagi to murti se do phool gire 1 lakshman ji ke or 1 Ram ji ke kitna adhbhut tha na.or iske bad to isse bhi bada ittafak hua hum mandir ke piche taraf gaye jahan baki bhgwan ke mandir hai waha jyot-kalash bhi jale the.kalash ke samne mai hath jod kr nikal gai par achanak se aisa laga ki mujhe koi mudne ko keh raha hai to mai mudi or kaha ki us list ko padho jo kalash mandir ke diwar par chipka tha to mene nazar dala or meri nazar direct tere nam pe padi jo 15 no. pe tha,confirm karne ke liye mene aage ke details padhe to usme tera hi address tha or phir mai us kalash ke darshsan karne andar gayi jo ki mata ki murat ke bilkul bagal tha.
12th class ke bad humare college alag,hamare shahar alag magar mai phir bhi tera intzar karti rahi har chutti me mai jab bhi apne dukan jati to yahi sochti ki tu aaega yaha kuch saman lene ke bahane par tu nai aya.par 1 din koi tyohar tha wo, to humne friday ko bhi apni dukan kholi thi or mai phir hamesha ki tarah bahar khade hokar tera wait karne lagi or achnak waha 1 bike aa rahi hai samne wala kuch jana pehchana lag raha tha par dhyan nai diya kyunki aaj tak tere siway na mene dhang se kisi ko dekha hai na pehchan pati hu mai mud gai wo bike bahut -bahut hi slow chal ri thi or mudte sath mujhe aisa laga ki ye to Atish jesa lag raha hai tera friend or mai turant palti or dekha to piche tu baitha tha mere mudte hi tune apna chehra dusri taraf kar liya to mai tera face to ni dekh pai magar tera shirt dekha yellow-black check wala or turant ghar jakar FB par tum dono ki pic dekhi to mai sahi thi jo chala raha tha wo atish hi tha or piche tu hi tha,pagal.
second year me mera poly-cystic diagnose hua mujhe bahut taklif hoti thi mai tujhe ye batana chahti thi. Ruchika tere hi class me padhti hai to mene usse kaha ki wo tujhse bataye par tune uski bat hi ni suni jabki 1st sem me mene tere b'day par use meri taraf se wish karne ko kaha tha to tu bada hi sharma gaya tha ye jankar ki mene tujhe wish karne ko kaha hai .to is bar kyu ni suna mujhe Ruchika ki bat pe vishwas ni hua to mene direct tujhe msg kia to pehle to tune bada concern dikhkya "kya hua hai tujhe"magar jab mene bataya to tune koi reaction nai diya aisa laga ki jese tujhe mere marne jine se koi matlab nahi hai.
phir bhi mera man nai mana or 1 din 18 march 2014 ko mene apni feelings tujhe batai magar tune mera msg hi nai padha.mai kai dino actually mahino tak roz check karti rahi ,or phir aas chod di ki tu ab kabhi padega magar 5 mahino bad 13 august ko tune wo msg padha magar aaj tak uska koi jawab nahi diya.mai aaj bhi intazar karti hu tera roz ,roz apna phone check karti hu ,roz apna fb account check karti hu ki usme msg bheja hoga par nai tujhe aaj tak koi farak hi nai pada.or mai pagal tera 1 din bhi chehra na dekhu to ajeeb sa lagne lagta hai baichain si ho jati hu, roz tera account check karti hu.Samajh hi nahi ata ki ye sab sach hai ki wo sab jo aaj tak hua par in sab ka jawab to sirf tu hi de sakta hai na.
aaj bhi mai jab bhi teri gali ke samne se guzarti hu to lagta hai ki tu waha se niklega or mujhe dekh kar aawaz lagayega magar aisa aaj tak nahi hua. Nai pata kya ho gaya hai tujhe mera acha friend aaj mujhse koi bat hi nai karna chahta kyu.Maine aaj tak kise se apni koi feelings share nai ki, kisi ko nai pata is hamesha haste rahne wali ke dil me kitna dard chupa hai,par jisse batana chaha, jise dekh ke aisa laga ki use sab kuch bata paungi wo hi mera nahi hai. kisse to itne hain ki batate-batate nai pata kitna samay lag jaye isliye kahti hu ki 1 bar mujhse bat to kar le. Nahi malum tujhe pata bhi hai ki nai ki ye sab hua tha magar mere sath ye sab chize hui thi jo mai aaj tak nahi bhuli.
college me aakar bhi mai teri batein karna nai chod pai meri class me mere mates Jamuna,Neha Negi or Ashit ko ye pata chal gaya ki mai tujhse bahut pyar karti hu par unhe bhi nai pata ki tu mujhe pyar karta hai ki nai .Magar Jamuna or Negi tujhe bahut acha samjhte hai ,unhe mere kuch kisse sun kar hi aisa lagta hai ki tu mujhse pyar karta hai .Koshish karna ki tu unke samne bura na bane.
mujhe bura nahi lagega agar tu kisi or ko pasand karta hoga ,mai to bas tere man ki bat 1 bar janna chahti hu phir kabhi tere raste nahi aaungi kyunki ''tu mera pyar hai zid nahi''.Tu jo chahta hai wo kar jiske sath jana chahta hai ja magar mai to bas apna jawab chahti hu hamesha intzaar karungi tera kyunki mai ab teri jagah kisi ko nahi de sakti nahi pata kyu par nai de paungi shayad ise hi sacha pyar kehte hai,mene tuhse bina karan ke pyar kiya hai ,unconditional love or pyar isi ko kehte hai kyuki jaha pyar me karan aa jata hai waha pyar nai sirf karan bachta hai or mai aisa kabhi nai chahungi .mai to tera tere jawab ka intzar zindagi bhar kar lungi mere lie to tere sapne teri yade hi kafi hai khush rahne ko magar phir bhi 1bar kahti hu ki jaldi aja bas 1 bar mere sawalon ka jawab de kar chala ja, bas or kuch nai chahungi phir tujhse.Bas yahi kehna tha tujhse.