The
Absence…….
Note ........
It's very difficult to write a story when you have no absolutely idea where you should begin, because it's much more easier if you gonna write a story about people or places, but it's hard as hell if you will write a story about love, especially when this love is one of its kind, and you know that there are no enough words to describe how you really feel for someone; however this is a story about two people who were totally strangers, but through the years they turned out to be real
Soulmates….
INTRODUCTION........
From my great and profound experience in friendship I can assure you that this relation is the purist and the most compassionate relation in life and the reason for that is very simple and obvious, every relation in this universe is based on the rule of (give and take) Or that everything in our lives has its own tax, and the examples are plenty, in the relation of spouses the man should give or provide his wife a house, furniture, and even a diamond or a gold ring just to marry or proves her that he is in love with her, and in the relation of mother and child the mother must take care of, protect, and love her baby because she is the reason that he/she exists in this world and as a result this baby would pay a kind of tax for that caring, so he/she should care, obey, respect, and love his mother no matter what because the man has no chance of choosing his own parents, he/she should love them for the way they are ……..But when we talk about the relation of friendship, Oh "friendship"…..friendship means that two individuals choose to walk side by side on the track of life, two people who were totally strangers and completely have no previous connection, but when they met there is a kind of strike hit them both, and none of them fought that strike back …
A real Friendship is a promise that person makes to one another that they will always stick around through everything, a promise they will never forget about you weather their conditions are good or bad, a promise they gonna pick up the phone everyday just to know you are okay, and to let you know that you are in their minds and how much you are so special to them……. but am only talking about real and honest friends which you can almost call them soul mats…
Chapter One
The beginning….
Sometimes when you talk about the beginning of some relations you won't need to think or tell much because the relation itself didn't take much effort to begin; whether the reason was destiny, Or that both sides had the sense of appreciation for the time so they didn't let the moment pass them by without saying how they really felt inside because why in the world would anyone let the chance to slip away from his/her hand, why would I or anyone replace relief by remorse, replace answering by wondering and replace the peace and quietness inside by the anguish and sorrow, or that when something is meant to be it always finds its way….
So the beginning of this story started when those two strangers met each other in junior school in 2000, they were very ordinary classmates, and as a matter of fact one of them used to hate the other, she hated her because that girl was acting by a very boyish way, she used to dress, talk, and even play like boys; she liked to play football and basketball, she was so bizarre as if she lost the communication with her feminine side, but all of that because she raised with two brothers, and believe me when a girl doesn't have a sister she become like a lonely ship in the middle of the ocean with no one to share it its laughter or even its grieve……………. to have a sister is like you own a safe anchor to stay, someone makes you grasp the meaning of containment and tenderness, like you have someone who possesses the key to your heart, who shares you every moment of your life, someone who you can wake him/her up in the middle of the night just to gossip about anything and almost everything ….but all of these feelings were missing in that friend' life …… and because her classmate didn't know all of that and she was still young to understand that is completely incorrect to judge people without knowing their circumstances or walking their road and that first impressions never last forever, all of that led her to hate her classmate Only in the beginning ……..
By time they began to know each other, talk, laugh, and even walk to school and get back together, they started to talk about everything in each other's life; what they love and what they don't love; kinds of movies or songs they prefer, it was like a whole new chapter for them …..
The weird thing was that this girl who used to hate her classmate because of all her boyish acting was so tough and very difficult to read and for that we will call her by the {Tough One} and we will call her classmate by {The Other Friend} just to make some kind of distinguish between them, and I can assure you that there is a long story behind the name of {Tough One} ………. ..
A few months later and something sorrowful happened to the other friend which it was the loss of her father and she felt as if that was the end of the world for her, she was very fragile and very lost especially because of her young age, it was a wracking time for her, and her friend didn't leave her regardless that their friendship wasn't that strong, but I believe that sometimes years or time is not the right measure for things …….
Her pain took lots of time to get a little easier, but the situation was much harder than her durability and the death of her father will always be like a scare inside her heart which can never be healed ….. Years were passing and her friend never left her side, she was there for her every step of the way, and she has promised her that she will always be like a harbor for her, and that what already happened . Between a tear and laugh, falling down and rising again they continue their journey …
In 2004 they moved to high school and the destiny played its part to put both of them into the same class, and from that moment they knew that they meant to be together, they knew that their friendship would be a true one, and they knew they belong to one another......
Day after day, hour after the other and those two friends became like a legend to each other. They learned so many through the years and for sure they had their high and low moments but they have never lost hope, hope of fighting, hope of friendship, hope of love and hope of that there is something greater than friendship and worship hold them till eternity …. .
As a life rule it's nice to find someone who understand and appreciate the meaning of friendship or the sense of love, so it would be a coincidence, if you met someone who has this deep respect for feelings and you can even call yourself lucky to have this person, but it's defiantly (Fate or Destiny) who can gather two people who actually have the same value for love and relationships.......I totally agree with that rule, but in my own perspective there is something more important than this rule which is that we as individuals have to have the kind of decision of holding on to the other side no matter what, the kind of support to the other part of you, and above all that the kind of passion and determination that make you can go through hell just to keep this relation on the right track.... But that's just for me …..
Chapter Two
Growing up
Some won't believe that those two friends had actually moved also to the same campus together, and what might be so impossible to certify that before college they divided the high school for 4 years instead of 3, them and only them who did that among their friends, but I guess or I really prefer to believe that coincidence or fate love to put both of them in the way of each other and they helped Fate to continue it's right direction..
What really worth to mention is the huge transformation that has happened in their relation, they became like a fairy tale. they gave everything to this relation love, attention, time, caring, and most of all their dedication; each one of them devoted herself to the other, to be a shoulder in a time of weep, to be a listener in a time of pain, and to be a shelter in a time of pain and hopelessness.. .
Their life in college was pretty normal and almost ordinary except that one of them started to fall in like with one of their group, but her tough and strong friend kept convincing her that she shouldn't fall in love or even in like with a student, because that strong girl always believed in the idea of "waiting for the right and almost perfect guy "she wanted for her friend and for her own self to have the opportunity for a better and comfortable level of life which meant they have to wait for a man who has lots of options like (Passion, kindness, a high level of understanding, a moderate degree of religion, and a fine grade of money) If you look closely, you will find that this girl thinks by a very rational way.
As a matter of fact her friend convinced by her talking and delayed the whole thing till both of them graduated and even till he found the appropriate job, and now her friend and that boy are now engaged .I like to mention that this boy is the strong girl's best boyfriend, but still her friend's benefit above everything …. I really love to clarify that when I call that girl as a (tough one) I don't mean she is a bad or a cold or even unmerciful one but she is a person who likes to put the mask of strength on her face all the time and just show the only emotions she would like others to see and keep the rest of her feelings to herself and I will talk about this issue specifically later …
Chapter three
High and low moments…
I guess if we talk about the moments of happiness and depression in this relation, then we are going to talk a lot …..
Omg, I don’t even know where suppose I begin??!! I believe or actually am interlay positive that one of their highest moments when two of them knew that the level of their understanding and appreciation to one another was beyond of anyone's imagination...
For example the strong friend has fallen in love with (Brad Pitt).!! Yes (Brad Pitt) the actor!! She fall for him for 12 years now can anyone imagine that??!! She is totally and completely warship him, she is following his news like a crazy person, cries if he gets hurt in any movie, gets jealous when she sees him with his wife, and flies like a bird when he is happy and okay….. I think that all I explained can be possible to believe, but what is very unlikely to believe is the much of comprehension of her friend to this matter...She cares, listens, she stands by her side in a way no one can picture it, because her friend needs lots of support in that issue...and one of her favorite moments when her friend surprises her with a present for him like (Te-shirt with his picture on it, big poster to hang it on the wall, drawing of his face, and ect… she reached with this actor to limitations that no human being can even think of ….
Like I said before there are several memories to tell whether they were happy or sad... in 2006 something happened between the two of them or to be more specific that something was beyond them it was a problem among their families, and that something could have(wracked them both), but it didn't; they fought for each other in a way that shocked every single one around them friends, families, and even the strangers who heard the story … they were like the person who puts a headphone in his ears to disconnect himself of the world, they shut off their eyes, ears, even their minds, and concentrated on one thing only ……………
Their Relation ………. .
And in that brief blink of an eye both of them have known they were Unbreakable … they were like the rock island in the middle of the crashing waves…....
Years are passing and memories become even more; trips, birthdays, falling in love, heart breaks, deaths, disappointments, weddings, and ect. Their love and relation are pretty weird; long phone calls, have to see each other all the time, and buy presents even if there is no special occasion!!Their actions with one another reached to levels that provoke everyone around them even the closest friends, but the provocative thing is their ignorance to anyone or anything happens around them, meaning that when they want to hug each other in the middle of the street or to say love you by aloud voice in a crowded area they just do….. .I guess that such friendship is no longer exist … .
Chapter Four
Secret of strength
I guess now is the time to know the real story behind the title of {Tough friend}. The problem is that people always define the person by his external appearance whether he/she is Poor, Rich, Strong, Weak and so on... So that girl defined as a strong and tough one, and to be specific she is not like that in a bad way; the whole matter that she has a strong personality and strict principles in life ….and that is because lots and lots of reasons ..
First we can say that strength is a big part of her nature and nurture, she was born and raised to be a tough one, also she as a- person believes in strength, believes that anyone should be tough enough to face any shits in this life, believes in being strong in front of anyone while your heart is breaking inside ….
In addition one of her biggest reasons that she likes to strong for is MEN, unfortunately Men think themselves that they are the masters of the fuckin universe and only they can be strong and have the right to be the upper hand in everything ;actually she has no single idea about where did they come up with this Fantasy ??!!!!! But to be fair she thought of one reason for that which is {Weak Women} Yes, weak women are the main reason of why the man act like as if he is the (Incredible Hulk) when this stupid woman let her husband hits her, yells at her, and when she doesn't stand for rights and her believes under the name of Obedience then of course all of that will lead men to act like that,…..That's why she wants to break that stupid rule, she is the kind of a girl that fights for what she believes, fights for the ones she loves, fights for ideas which many people consider no more; Some call her (old school) but she isn't, she still considers the idea if you care for someone then you have to show him/her that all the time and always prove it, because there is no shame or blame for showing your feelings to the other side whether that side is your mother, friend, lover, whatever, and what's wrong of picking up the phone to tell someone that you miss him/her if you really feel that way ??!! She completely and totally hate when people say yes I miss you but I swear I didn't have the time to call you... What in da hell is that supposed to mean???! Should I as a person know that you miss me by my super insight???? That's why she never gives up her principles no matter how everybody is acting around her …
But above all what I just explained I can assure you that the main reason for her to act by this kind of strength is the Absence of everyone she loves and cares for... she lives in a closed and endless circle of absence, she has two sibling and both of them are away because of the conditions of work and marriage and of course her love Brad also isn't here.
The problem is that everyone who said promise I won't leave you and will always be by your side has already Left... and the most devastating and wracking thing that her best friend will also leave soon …….. .. Yes, her friend that we were talking about her the whole time, the friend that she spent 15 years with, which means half of their age, she will leave or should I say disappear because she is getting married and live abroad….. ..
It's really one of the shittiest things ever when you stand and watch your second part leaving you, watch life while it pulls out the security out of your heart by taking your friend away from you, watch the universe points its finger on you and decides breaking you and your soul mate up because of the conditions of life whether it's marriage, work, or traveling abroad, and it's a- destroyer thing to reach out your hands to touch and hold someone and find nothing but the air and the emptiness …. ..
So the Absence for her is like the turning radio with no button to shut it off or as I can say it's like the dripping faucet in the back of her head with no single chance to turn it off ….. .
Chapter five
Fall Of The Mask
Honestly how can someone manage all this emptiness, loneliness, and bleakness in his/her life??!!, How can someone survive with such a- huge hole in the heart??!!,and How can someone supposed to be alive when he/she is abandoned from all around???!!! ..
I can say now that we all know why that girl is acting so strongly.. She always puts a smile on her face and keeps her head high no matter how she feels inside, because frankly if she wants to express her emotions she will never shuts up and the most important that no one will ever understand, coz as a rule that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt…. .It's like a deep wound with no hope that it will ever healed …..
I actually wanaa say that on the other hand she is living a really fine life and surrounded by lots of loving and caring people, especially her sister and of course her friend, they know everything about her and about her feelings, but the thing is that everyone of us has his own dark side and her dark side revolves around Absence, and lets be fair no matter how hard you try to explain how you are really suffering deep down, no one will ever feel or understand…. .
The issue that no person can stay strong forever, because each one of us has his breaking point, you will keep pushing yourself till you reach to the limit of enough is enough then the point of falling apart, and that's what already happened to that strong friend …
She started to fall like the leaves or I may say like the snow in the winter time … One night while she was talking to her friend she had some kind of a break down, she kept crying and crying and when her friend asked about the reason, she told her that she can't stand to be away from her and she can handle anyone's absence except hers….. .
She always tells her friend {love you more than you will ever know}, but her friend never understood this line until that night, it was as if she starting to know her friend all over again, she saw a whole new side of her strong friend, a side she knew it's really existed but she never saw or touched it before, aside she never imagined that it will show someday and even if it shows it won't be for her ..,and as I mentioned before that this strong friend is suffering from the absence, but she never told anyone from the ones who has left her to stay, she never bagged for not to be the one who is left behind or left alone, but for the first time in her life she did it, she told her friend {please don't leave me}.. Her friend was happy, thrilled, shocked, and hurt at the same time, hurt to see her friend at this condition and hurt to be the one who made her only friend reach to this kind of pain and bitterness…
They kept talking about that subject for several days; they talked about how distance will destroy them both and how they will survive without one another. It was happy and sad days, sad because they were discussing that each one of them will be separated from one another for the first time in 15 years, and happy because no one can deny the major effect that happened in their relation after those long and new conversations, it was like a huge wave of passion and feelings swept through their relation all over again, they talked about some things which never been discussed before, they even started to look at each other by different and more loving way, hug each other in a way that full of compassion and fear at the same moment, the fear of losing, the fear of being apart someday, the fear of all of their hang outs, phone calls, kisses, and hugs won't be exist because of the shadow of the separation that will hunt them down.. .
Chapter six
Reality sound
It's a ruthless moment when you see everyone around you are building their own life and your role is just to keep watching and observing and at this moment you feel that you have this kind of look in your eyes; and it's not the look of envy or jealousy but the look of hopelessness and despair ……..; and the reason for this look is those who are building their life chose to build it away from you ….
And someday while you are reading, or watching the raindrops from behind your glass window, or even sitting on your rocking chair you see a shadow or a ghost, but this shadow is not a devil or demon, but it is the shadow of your exhausted mind who is coming to ask you When will you stop caring, When will you stop wondering, When will you stop hurting your heart by your own hand, When will you release your trapped mind from all of your fears and from all of your expectations, when will you start living for your own sake, and When will you stop chasing what's not yours?, And then a wave of repentance overrun you and you start to question yourself have I been mistaken to care about my closest ones, have I been mistaken to blame people for not asking and caring about me as much as i care for them ???!!
And in that brief moment you start to wonder whether your feeling is self-pity or self-regret, but after a few moments you begin to realize that the definition of the feeling won't matter anymore, because there is another sensation will overwhelm your heart and your mind which is feeling betrayed and fooled by your own principle then, you feel that you are fighting a one side battle and the other side has no clue about what you are fighting for ……… …
Trust me It's not an easy thing to hear the conflict between the sound of your mind who tells you "see, they left you, they didn't even care about you or care about how you really feel, they simply just left", and the sound of your heart who keeps wondering how can I let go, How can I just forget what once was mine, and how can I get use to the absence of someone who used to be that close??, but after a while you will hear the knocking of a greater sound which will be the reality sound who will tell you "wake up, they didn't leave you, they didn't mean not to care of you or even cause you any pain, they just moved on, they just started a new chapter of their life and you won't be the main character anymore, and it's better for you to start adapting with the new situation, to start living your own life, to start concentrating on how you will handle and overcome this letting go by a very rational and practical way or you gonna be the only one who will get hurt, the only one who will keep craving the trail of the past, and the only one who cannot turn the page …….. .
And, let's be fair and realistic and say welcome to the real world, this is life and that's what it is no one can change a thing from what has already been written, life will continue its track whether you like it or not; you can scream, yell, and get mad, but when destiny calls you have nothing to do but to let go..... .. That's it and that's all ……….
Special words to such a special friend
After all that she likes to dedicate some words for her friend, and that what she said ……..
This story is for my best friend, my second sister, and my soul mate, the one who is giving me her love and her care, the one who is walking beside me in a time of need, joy, and success, the one who is in my back no matter how hard the situation is...You are someone who can see the truth and pain while am fooling everyone else.
You are simply my soul mate and a soul mate is a … well it’s like a best friend, but more. It’s the one person in the whole world that knows you better than you know yourself. A soul mate is someone who you carry with you forever. It is the one person who knew you but yet, still accepted you believed in you, before anyone else did, or when no one else would… .
I can tell you now that there will be another month, another year, another smile, another tear, another winter, and another fall, but there can never be another you.
I want to thank you for everything you have done for me; I want to thank you for your support, your patience, and your kindness. I want to thank you for every time you were there for me, for every time I was yelling or even screaming because of something made me angry but you kept on listening and standing me till I calm down and be myself again, for every time you made me upset but you never gave up trying to make it up with me, for every time you were certain of my good side when no one else even realized it, I really and truly thank you for your friendship, I thank you for being such a friend, and I simply thank you for being you, and As a matter of fact I have a favor to ask of you, I need you to promise me that you will never leave me no matter what happens or no matter how hard the situation will be, to promise me that you won't leave my side even if I tell you to do so, promise to stick with me when I try to push you away and tell you that I want us to break up, promise you won't let the miles break us down no matter how far we might be and you will always keep my friendship woven in your soul, just promise that you won't give up on me no matter what,…. and I promise you that I will do all of that in return… ..
Sometimes some people realize that they reached to the end of their relation or to a particular point which means they can't carry on any more, so you can simply add the word {END} to the dictionary of their relation, but some stories have no end because its heroes believe that end is for losers, end is for the people who don't know the taste of continuity, and end is for those who have no desire to know how it feels like to be part of something special or how to belong to someone and never ever be a part... That's why I want to apologize for everyone will read this story because I have no {End} to tell, and the reason is simple for that, the reason is that those two friends are absolutely the opposite of what I said above, frankly they don't have the definition of {End} in their journey, because they believe in themselves, they believe that every problem carries its own solution, they believe that the bond between them is stronger than any dark cloud could darken their relation …. ..
I really believe that if you want to keep going in any relation, you should replace the idea of letting go or the idea of taking the easy way out by the idea of fighting, and the idea of value the person you have by the idea of crying over that person after you lose him/her…
All I want to say from all of this and from this story that I love you, I love you so damn mush, you are my honey, my sweetheart, my partner, and my soul mate, from the moment we met I knew that I wanted you around, I knew that you would be a big fraction of my life, and I knew that no matter what the barriers can be we will crush them all.. .If only my mind could give my hands the right words to express what is in my heart for you ………If Only…
On 24/11/2014 I told you that you inspire me, now I hope you
understand what I meant by that, my words are my gift for you on the occasion of 2015 and I need you to know that I know that there is no gift in this world can clarify your worth in my heart, but am only trying to do my best ………all I can say at the end of my writing that our relation is like the water fall which never dries or stops flowing….
Love you always have and always will be hunn, and as long as I shall live I will love you, I will love you till my heart stops beating …..