See… all of my friends know me for the “happy girl” or “the spoiled princess” that had the unblemished childhood and has the perfect life that anyone could ask for, and that is because we live in a delusional society that devotes more time on craving perfection rather than smiling and beating perfection itself… well I don’t have the perfect life nor did I live in Disneyland when I was a child... but I couldn’t imagine things any better… in fact I didn’t have a TV because my house was only equipped with electricity when I turned seven… I bet I had a fun childhood more than any of those who did have it.
Growing up as a little girl I never thought i was lacking anything, I even thought I was the happiest child in the world because I had such beautiful person next to me, and that is my mummy.. I must be lucky waking up next to my favorite person in the world, gathering my things in a little backpack with the little blue mermaid on the side pocket, clinging to mummy’s hand with my little fingers and walking together to school, sometimes she would give me a piggyback cause I’m having a lazy morning, at times we’d keep chatting about random stuff like me having to change my bad habits or me showing off how badass I am in maths, and that… that was always my favorite part of the day.
Growing up a little older and having to go to school and meeting new classmates… having kids conversations I would hear my friends bragging about what their dads bought them or what their dads told them so I would avoid talking about it because the word “dad” was kinda stage to me, I would go back home and find my mom waiting for me with the brightest smile a tired person could have... We eat together and sleep together... she would tell us a story every night my brother was too stubborn to go to sleep... at that age I was wondering why would someone talk about “dad” cause the norm was “mom bought me this… mom took me there… mom told me this” .. This whole dad thing was new to me so I went around asking questions that seemed to get short responses or even got ignored… now that I see.… how can you make a child understand that people die? the only thing you can say was that people go somewhere without any intentions of coming back… but then why? And… how?? God! i was such a stubborn kid!!
I grew up watching Mom working hard and receiving support from grandpa… Oh! grandpa! I had such a lovely grandpa! ...I always loved sitting on his lap listening to funny stories and playing with the white cloth he always puts on his head… I still think people like grandpa only live in fantasies… he was my mom’s guarding angel… and mine too, I still remember when we first had electricity in our house he bought me a little TV as a gift!! and later on i knew he was the one that bought us that house too...
Watching cartoon and movies could help my mom introduce me to “mortality”, “good and evil” ,“heaven and hell”…. and when it was time to let me know I could already relate… my “dad” died when I was two in a car accident… usually people get sad or cry over news like this even if it’s their pets… but back then I don’t think i even bothered reacting... I would definitely have cried for so many things when I was two… but I don’t remember crying for dad… so as time passed by I got used to it and whenever anyone asked what my dad does I would respond lucidly “oh my dad died!” and instantly their expressions change as if it’s their faults… my mom said it’s called empathy… the feeling you get when you put yourself in someone else’s shoe… I sure didn’t like this empathy thing as a kid but now that understand, ‘you don’t just get to go around smiling for people's loss' it is so inhuman…
As time passed by,our life went on with the ups and downs, and my mom grew to be one of the best in her wokr field, and I myself grew up to be ME :D the engineering stupid student as my brother likes to call it... but first and foremost we’ve been through it all together… So now that I have everything I remember praying for, I can only feel constantly grateful… though I always laugh at my friends whenever they’re like… how can you understand exactly what I’m going through just as if you’ve been there before?… well surprise, surprise! I HAVE been there before and NO I do not live the perfect life but I AM grateful for the things I have now, maybe I wasn’t the “Disneyland princess” but I was indeed raised by a queen.
And i would NEVER complain…